The truth of the matter...trigs
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| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 11:23am |
is that i AM powerless right now. BP is REALLY kicking my butt. I'm sooooo irritable...want to break a million windows...want to run away, REALLY want to run away...been living on ativan...my mom is very sick, and no matter what anyone says, IT IS MY FAULT. I should have been holding on to her, and I didn't. I always DO. But this time, I didn't.
My finances are in a shambles. I'm going to give up my apt and live with my dh at his mom's house (big house) for a month or two. My utilities are $560 this month. And normal utils have been over $400. I hate the area. I need a new start. I need to get control over myself and my finances again and there is no other option. DS is on board with this, thankfully.
I have F'd things up AGAIN.
I don't know what to do to fix it, other than start over.
I need a break. I need a HUGE break.
Just talked to my dad and they did another CAT scan this morning of mom's brain. We'll see later tonight what the deal is.
I'm doing the whole "i'm strong, pretend i'm strong" and get through thing.
Its all I can do, as things are falling apart around me.
I hate BP. I don't know if i can switch pdocs, but I'm going to call the nurse later, let her know what is going on...i'm triggered...i need something...but she will take me off the lexa and i will be in major trouble then...ugh!!!
