I am so stupid - trigs
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| Wed, 11-22-2006 - 10:46am |
BIG TIME SI TRIGS
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So, I'm casually talking to dh on the phone...just chatting. He then tells me that he is going back "home" at some point...he's been with me for about 3 weeks. Stupid me, I thought he was "back" with me, like living with me...yes, its been a bit difficult, but not terrible.
I completely lost it. I want to cut so badly...and if he goes home, then I'll be able to and not have to answer to him.
I am so damaged...I know this. But its like a slap in the face to know that the one person you need most in your life, can't handle you.
I don't do well on holidays at all. And I have to stay with my mom all weekend...this is going to suck bad.
I'm also out of Ativan.
Whatever. He can go...I don't even care.
He says he will "always be there" but when you aren't there 24/7, you're NOT THERE!

(((((((((((((((((Keli)))))))))))) Not to sound flip or stupid, but have you told Eric just what you've said here in your post? Let him know just how him bailing on you makes you feel and how you've felt since he's been back in your life. I realize that it's probably way easier than it sounds, but it might be worth a shot. You aren't stupid by any stretch of the imagination!!!!!!!!! You are going through *#*@ right now and I know that. But beating yourself up over this isn't going to help. I think you know that though. Just like beating myself up over my xh and the problems he's caused me. Like I said, easier said than done. But we'll help each other get through this. K? Hang in there sweetie.
Love You,
Traci
Keli.
You are NOT stupid--I think anyone would have assumed after 3 weeks he meant home was with you!
I am so damaged...I know this. But its like a slap in the face to know that the one person you need most in your life, can't handle you.
Yup...sucks big time doesnt it :( I am sorry we are so messed up, and I am sorry they cant deal with it and im sorry Im not closer.
He says he will "always be there" but when you aren't there 24/7, you're NOT THERE!
Yeah...that pisses me off sooooooooo bad. Seems like we are in kinda the same boat, as usual. I am off meds completely right now, and sick...fun huh?
I love you, and dont SI, it feels good for the moment but later you feel like crap because of it
Rebekah
P.S. you are stronger than your bp :)