Promiscuity

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Promiscuity
14
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:43pm

I recently found out that a (male) friend of mine is bipolar. I've known him for about a year, and suspected that he might be bipolar, but he only just confirmed it a few weeks ago. While our initial meeting involved a mild "hook up" things have been completely platonic since.

Lately, we have been spending a lot of time together. One night we were out together and he was telling me how much I mean to him, and how much he cares about me, etc. How he doesn't treat the women he sleeps with very well, and that there is so much more betwen us, how he would choose me over any of these girls he sleeps with--it was a heavy conversation, and I left feeling overwhelmed myself. Then, the next night we were out again and he bit my head off for no reason. Then, later, told me that he is a jerk and to not get involved with him. He then saw a girl he used to have a sexual relationship with, and I'm pretty sure she went home with him.

This girl (if they went home together) would have been the 6th girl in 2 weeks he has slept/fooled around with. I have been doing research on bipolar disorder, and have learned that during manic episodes people tend to be hyper-sexual. He told me earlier that day that he felt a bit off, so I'm pretty sure this behavior is the result of a manic episode.

My question is about how he could go from telling me how much he cares about me on one night to biting my head off 24 hours later. Is this because he was freaked out about the intensity of our conversation the night before? Is is just because of the manic episode? Is he trying to push me away? Is he testing me? Was he lying about caring about me?

I have to admit I was pretty upset about how he treated me the other night. And while I don't want him to think it's OK to speak to me that way (I actually told him that it wasn't, in a very calm manner) I don't want to NOT speak to him and let him think I'd abandon him. What is the best way to handle this situation? Again, I don't want to abandon him, but I also don't like watching this whole ferocious effort to "get laid." I just want to be a good friend.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
In reply to: resto_girl
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:51am

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> But, at the same time, it is a part of him, and he wouldn't be who he is today if he wasn't bp. Ah the irony.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Isn't that the truth....there is a thread quite awhile back that listed the famous people that are/have been/or suspected bp. It was quite an interesting read.

In regards to him coming down, keep a close eye on him now....this is when the su thoughts or the "Just don't give a damn" thoughts come. You are right, give him some space, but not too much....you may even have to call him sometime and TELL him, "We're going to do something today/tonight", even if it is just a walk around the park. Bp is interesting that way, when manic, we go galvanting off and forget everybody and when we are depressed we want to hide in a hole and pull the hole in after us. Just getting out of bed in the morning can be HE double hockey sticks.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>What I'm taking away most is that this is going to be a long and bumpy ride, and that I shouldn't give up on him.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
You have a good part of the battle won from your side of things. This is what makes good friends is the ones who don't give up on us. The fact that you know and are trying to understand bp is good too....my friends and DW didn't know what made me ME, they just knew I was who I was, and like I stated before, either stood back during the rages and made sure I didn't do something stupid (one friend has a tale of a single car accident {mine} and the cops showing up and him wondering if he was going to have to tackle me to keep me from doing something stupid to/around the cop LOL....luckily this was an understanding cop and let me rage)or just walked away and came back when I had calmed down. They didn't seem to take my rages personal (well DW, but that is another story, suffice it to say we both have a problem with thinking we are the problem) so they were able to remain friends.

I had forgot to mention the "silences". I too had those....I just didn't feel like saying anything....I was so emotionally mixed up/angry/or just tired of fighting the disorder, that is was a chore to even talk. I also know my voice would go very, very flat and emotionless because of trying to hide what I was feeling. I know it is rough from your point of view, but as you said, try not to take them personally.

Keep us posted,
tk

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: resto_girl
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 11:22am

i too, had the "silences". Still have them, actually...most people can't deal with it...its so hard to be around someone who is UP UP UP and VERY happy one minute, and then the next hour they are so quiet...when I'm manicky, I'm SO talkative...and then of course, its exactly the opposite when I'm down...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: resto_girl
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 11:41am
Thanks, TK. I actually e-mailed you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: resto_girl
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 12:41pm
Hi resto_girl, I'm TK's DW. I've been reading your posts and hadn't had time to reply until now. When TK and I met it was like you described. We had lots in common, we had mostly the same values, and relly got along good. I have spent the last 18 years, 17 of them married to him, trying to deal with his moods and temper. The fact that I am chronically depressed added a whole other element to our relationship. In fact we almost got divorced (long story and this isn't the place for it) in Jan but I insited we see a MC one last time. The MC actually told us we were a good match because we both had mood disorders and could see each others point of view. Also because of past problems she told us she was surprised we had made it this far together. For most of the 17 yrs of our marriage neither of us knew about DH's bipolar. I just knew at certain times that I needed to stay out of his way and just let him brood. I never feared that he would hurt me or the kids but worried constantly that he would get in one of his "moods" and hurt himself. It was only after a TDOC suggested that bipolar may be our DS's probelem that we realized what was going on all those years. Love and marriage (if it comes to that) is possible, if not difficult at times. You are making a good step here by finding this board and learning all you can about bipolar before getting too involved. Do you know what kind of bipolar your friend is? It does make a difference because the different types have different symptoms and are manifested in totally different ways. Both DH and DD are EOBP (early onset bipolar) and I see a lot of the same things going on with both of them. You are a true friend in that you want to be there for him and support him. Keep in touch with him especcially while he is in the depressed stage because that, like my DH said, is when the thoughts of suicide or life just not being worth it come out and they need the most support.
Good luck with your friend, and keep us posted, also stick around here to get more info and support. Even if you don't post you can lurk and see what everyone else is going through.
MC (Brenda)

Pages