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| Sun, 12-03-2006 - 8:43pm |
I recently found out that a (male) friend of mine is bipolar. I've known him for about a year, and suspected that he might be bipolar, but he only just confirmed it a few weeks ago. While our initial meeting involved a mild "hook up" things have been completely platonic since.
Lately, we have been spending a lot of time together. One night we were out together and he was telling me how much I mean to him, and how much he cares about me, etc. How he doesn't treat the women he sleeps with very well, and that there is so much more betwen us, how he would choose me over any of these girls he sleeps with--it was a heavy conversation, and I left feeling overwhelmed myself. Then, the next night we were out again and he bit my head off for no reason. Then, later, told me that he is a jerk and to not get involved with him. He then saw a girl he used to have a sexual relationship with, and I'm pretty sure she went home with him.
This girl (if they went home together) would have been the 6th girl in 2 weeks he has slept/fooled around with. I have been doing research on bipolar disorder, and have learned that during manic episodes people tend to be hyper-sexual. He told me earlier that day that he felt a bit off, so I'm pretty sure this behavior is the result of a manic episode.
My question is about how he could go from telling me how much he cares about me on one night to biting my head off 24 hours later. Is this because he was freaked out about the intensity of our conversation the night before? Is is just because of the manic episode? Is he trying to push me away? Is he testing me? Was he lying about caring about me?
I have to admit I was pretty upset about how he treated me the other night. And while I don't want him to think it's OK to speak to me that way (I actually told him that it wasn't, in a very calm manner) I don't want to NOT speak to him and let him think I'd abandon him. What is the best way to handle this situation? Again, I don't want to abandon him, but I also don't like watching this whole ferocious effort to "get laid." I just want to be a good friend.

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>> But, at the same time, it is a part of him, and he wouldn't be who he is today if he wasn't bp. Ah the irony.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Isn't that the truth....there is a thread quite awhile back that listed the famous people that are/have been/or suspected bp. It was quite an interesting read.
In regards to him coming down, keep a close eye on him now....this is when the su thoughts or the "Just don't give a damn" thoughts come. You are right, give him some space, but not too much....you may even have to call him sometime and TELL him, "We're going to do something today/tonight", even if it is just a walk around the park. Bp is interesting that way, when manic, we go galvanting off and forget everybody and when we are depressed we want to hide in a hole and pull the hole in after us. Just getting out of bed in the morning can be HE double hockey sticks.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>What I'm taking away most is that this is going to be a long and bumpy ride, and that I shouldn't give up on him.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
You have a good part of the battle won from your side of things. This is what makes good friends is the ones who don't give up on us. The fact that you know and are trying to understand bp is good too....my friends and DW didn't know what made me ME, they just knew I was who I was, and like I stated before, either stood back during the rages and made sure I didn't do something stupid (one friend has a tale of a single car accident {mine} and the cops showing up and him wondering if he was going to have to tackle me to keep me from doing something stupid to/around the cop LOL....luckily this was an understanding cop and let me rage)or just walked away and came back when I had calmed down. They didn't seem to take my rages personal (well DW, but that is another story, suffice it to say we both have a problem with thinking we are the problem) so they were able to remain friends.
I had forgot to mention the "silences". I too had those....I just didn't feel like saying anything....I was so emotionally mixed up/angry/or just tired of fighting the disorder, that is was a chore to even talk. I also know my voice would go very, very flat and emotionless because of trying to hide what I was feeling. I know it is rough from your point of view, but as you said, try not to take them personally.
Keep us posted,
tk
i too, had the "silences". Still have them, actually...most people can't deal with it...its so hard to be around someone who is UP UP UP and VERY happy one minute, and then the next hour they are so quiet...when I'm manicky, I'm SO talkative...and then of course, its exactly the opposite when I'm down...
Good luck with your friend, and keep us posted, also stick around here to get more info and support. Even if you don't post you can lurk and see what everyone else is going through.
MC (Brenda)
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