Question regarding Bipolar illness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Question regarding Bipolar illness.
5
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 10:05pm
I was dx with Bipolar ll and put on mood stabilizers. That was about 4yrs ago and just about any mood stabilizer that exists. Before the BPll dx, I was living in Colorado and seeing my family doc thinking PMDD and took zoloft and then wellbutrin. I thought it had to be hormonal since my pregnancies were a nightmare of up and downs. I would rage then hit rock bottom and want to die. This was on zoloft too. I also thought ADD since I had all of the ADD symptoms as far back as 1st grade. Flash forward a few years and I think there doesn't seem to be a med out there that can help. I cycle from sad to mad then i'm okay.The extreme of the rage and sadness are a nightmare. I'm tired of pdoc throwing med after med at me.Could I just be one of those people that meds don't do anything for? Also, I should add that I had a very traumatic childhood and experienced and witnessed things no child should. I sure I have ptsd on top of everything else. I wish there was a test someone could do to my brain and find out what is wrong with me once and for all. The saddest part of all is that I have 4 beautiful loving children that I just can't put through this anymore. When i'm fine i love animals and love children and just have such a passionate heart that it seems such a waste that God has given me this heart.
Kathi Taylor
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:16am

I have heard of med resistant bp, you might be one. It also sounds like you are rapid cycler, or have become one due to Zoloft. IMHO, Zoloft is the WORST for sending bp into rapid cycling. I have come to that conclusion from personal experience as well as reading here and on the child bp site. There is a thread on the child bp site I think you might want to go read, it lists the differences between ADD/ADHD and bp, as the symptoms mimic each other, but the causes are different. It is a very interesting read.

Unfortunately there is no "conclusive" test that can be run that nails down what is "mis-wired" in our brains/emotion centers. Have you tried any of the newer anti-seizure medicines that they have found work for an ms? I am on Lamictal and doing good....just a thought....you stated most of the ms's. Another question, were you taken off the a/d medicines before the ms's were added? This is kind of a pet peeve of mine that I am not sure is medically documented, but it seems to me that when trying to stabilize bp one needs to start from a baseline of no "mood" medications, then try the ms's. Once the moods get stabilized try and pin down the othere co-morbid conditions that are not controlled with an ms. Partly I base this off DS who had just about every ADD/ADHD med thrown at him before I convinced the docs he WAS NOT ADD/ADHD. Once we found an ms that worked, the ADD/ADHD symptoms abated. I kind of feel like "DUHHH"....anyway JMHO.

Good luck,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:27am

Hi there...I am med resistant and a rapid cycler too. We keep trying the stabilizers, over and over again...in the hopes that they just might work...there are many many different combinations of meds to try. Don't give up. I just changed ALL my meds around again, and came off Lexapro.

Stick around, there are lots of great supportive people here.

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 5:53pm
I have tried every mood stabilizer med out there. I also have been on wellbutrin for over 6yrs. I haven't been off WB while trying MS. Mood stabilizers tend to make me like a zombie and make my brain freeze. I can't think while i'm on them and I still cycle while i'm on them. Let me see if I can remember some of the names of them. Topomax,lamictal,shoot, I just went blank. I also tried anti psychotics such as abilify,geodon.There's more but I can't remember right now. Right now I take klonopin at night. It's mostly for panic attacks but taking it in the morning with wellbutrin and adderall defeated the purpose of it. Plus it made me too tired to function. I take more klonopin at night if I need it to sleep. I also take ambiem. Oh, i took temazepam too. At one time i was taking klonopin,temazepam,lithium, at night and wellbutrin during the day. I'm going to look up the ms and the anti psychotics and maybe that will jog my memory.The combo of klonopin,temazepam and lithium and I know I was taking another depresent but cant remember the name, put me in the psych ward. I got so depressed and felt no emotions. I know that sounds contradicting. I was a zombie. I didn't even care about my kids. When I went to my pdoc appt., the same old stuff of waiting forever to see him and annoying children that parents ignored was going on and I felt that nothing was ever going to help me, I wanted to leave. Finally, I saw my pdoc. My dh was with me. I didn't want to be there. The pdoc and my dh act so hopeful about something working when I was feeling like a zombie. The pdoc asked me if I felt there was hope for my future and i said that i was tired of being on so many meds and the way they made me feel and i didn't see any hope of any med working for me. Welp, that's all it took. My next stop was the psych ward. It was like a prison. It's not like what you see on tv. Then there was people who were really sick and i felt dangerous to be around but the staff didn't agree. It was scary. There was a fight there and that was scary. Then during one of our group meetings(which i actually liked)the guy that started the fight was sitting next to me saying how he wanted to kill the counselor and a bunch of other stuff that made no sense. I could see him tensing up and getting more agitated. We were sitting so close that his body was against mine. I could feel him trembling.They let him bring his blanket out to the meeting and all i could think about was how quickly he could suffocate me if i made him mad.I saw what he can do when he gets angry so all I did was just sit there and try to not agitate him in any way.
Sorry, I didn't mean to get into that story. It just came to mind and i just starting typing what i was thinking.
Kathi Taylor
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 5:55pm
Thanks. I know there are alot of med combos. Shoot I remember saying that exact same thing to someone else. There are good times. It just seems like it doesn't last.
Kathi Taylor
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:32am

You're so right...there ARE good times...but we pay a price for them in the bad times...ugh.

I said that very thing to someone recently too...I have one good day out of about 20 bad ones...and by bad, I mean non-symptomatic...

Hang in there,

Keli