Advice or Opinions..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Advice or Opinions..........
9
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 3:45pm

I am new to the boards. However, I have been reading here for some time. I am 35 yrs of age. I am at a point in my life where I finally can admit to myself that something is not right about me. I have no clue what to "self-diagnose" myself with. I intend on going to the physician soon, however, I would love to hear from some of you. Here is what I am dealing with. I will go through my day and experience mood change after mood change for little or no reason. Like right now, I am sitting at my desk just wanting to burst out crying for NO reason. It hits me like a ton of bricks......I will be in the BEST mood ever and one word or one look for anyone that I feel is wrong and my mood does a 360. I can be so happy and in 2 seconds I will be so P*ssed off at everyone and everything. I, like a lot of you, have children that I feel this is affecting greatly. One minute I am hugging them and telling them how great they make me feel and the next I do not want them even talking to me, it irritates me to death to hear them. This makes me VERY sad because I love my children more than life. Also, I have a perfect husband. One minute I love him to death and want to talk talk talk, the next I am yelling at him and cursing him out for little or no reason. I DO NOT want to live with all these screwy emotions anymore, it hurts so bad. I want to feel good and be happy. I have a great life, nothing in my life is bad so I don't know why at times I feel like I want to run my car into a bridge. One minute I want to help everyone and the next I have the coldest heart ever, even to those I hold dearest. No one seems to understand these feelings, they think I am just a b*tch. My husband tells me not to worry about it, it is just who I am.....but, it is NOT who I am. There is a better person dying to get out! Please help!

JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 4:03pm

Welcome!!! I don't think any of us are doctors here, much less able to dx over the internet, but you describe allot of what I went through as a kid and what I saw my DS struggling with. You are on the right track, but may I recommend going to a psychologist who specializes in mood disorders. I wouldn't recommend going to a psychiatrist first because IMHO they just want to see you for 15 min, throw meds at you, and see you next month. A physician may be able to help you, but not sure.

Good luck,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:54pm

Hi :)
Welcome to the board!
I want to say that I understand exactly how you feel, it felt like I was typing that message. I struggle everyday with the same problems with my children, even on medications. I agree with TK, go see a psychologist first, I had seen many and seen psychiatrists also many years before I was actually diagnosed and there are statistics that say it can take up to 8 years for a proper diagnosis, BUT, I would do all the reading you can about being bp and mood disorders in general and start seeing a psychiatrist and ask them what they think, and if they recommend medication for you, then start looking for a psychiatrist. I dont think just a psychiatrist alone is ever a good idea. I cant go see a pyschologist right now because of my insurance and I cant afford out of pocket fees, sooooooo I just deal with it, but I have permission from my doc to tweak my meds on my own because I have been dealing with bp for so long and I know exactly where and when my limits are and how to handle them and that I am at zero risk for su. Granted the thoughts are there, but my kids cause them to disappear immediately, so its never a serious risk for me. But I have been bp since I was in my pre-teen years and not on medication on a stable basis until 2 years ago, so I learned to deal with it all without meds, just like you have had to do.

One thing I would caution you to make sure you remember once you do get medication. It isnt a cure all, it wont make your moods 100% okay immediately, and it may not ever do it and there is a lot of trial and error with medications too. Pdocs are not miracle workers unfortunately and mood disorders are very hard to treat generally, but it is possible and it can get better. Many of the people on this board have struggled with finding the right meds but once they did, things took a dramatic turn for the better. I am still in the process of finding the right meds, but my type of bp is extremely hard to treat (I am BP I rapid cycling and med resistant) I hope that you will be able to get stable with the first med your dotor tries and save all the trouble of changing them, but try not to get discouraged if you do have to go through it. Keep posting and know we are here for you if you need us

Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 1:14am
Hi JD. I just found iVillage and then finally found this part of it, so I'm new to all this but I hope I can help where I can. First, please read my 'Personal Profile' since it will tell you a lot about me. Next, since I had no idea what was going on with me since I was in high school, I started to go to a 'talk therapist' in 1971, and even with all the people helping him for years he wasn't able to put a tag on what was going on with me. It wasn't until I had a full 'mental melt-down' in July of 1997 and I was taken to Cheyenne Wyoming to the large hospital and placed in their 'Behavioral Health' (mental ward) for 10 days, is when I was diagnosed as being Bi-Polar Type 1, and started medical treatment (Type 1 is the bad one) Here's some important points, cautions, short-cuts, and general help. While I'm not a Doctor, my information is only from what I've learned and by being on the Board of Directors of the County Mental Health Center, I can give some "opinions". First, it sounds like you DO have a B/P disorder of some form and that you are doing what is called "Rapid Cycling". This means that you have massive uncontrollable mood swings for no known reason to you. Next, with that in mind, go see your personal Doctor and clearly state your symptoms and say that you'd like to start working with a 'therapist'. Here's some strong caution, there are many 'therapists' out there, but only very few know how to work with 'cryonic mood disorders', so you'll have to shop around. Next, if you don't have strong insurance coverage, I hope that you live some place where they have a County Mental Health Center since they usually gage your bill based on your ability to pay. Next, have your personal Doctor CHECK with the therapist to conferm if you do have a B/P disorder or if it is something physical. PLEASE PAY SPECIAL NOTE: Once you accept any prescription to treat a 'mental disorder', that information stays on your personal medical and insurance record for years and can effect getting future health insurance coverage or other professional licenses. But, to get well and control your mood disorder and make life livable, it is a case of 'it must be done to live'. I hope all this helps since I'm a case of "Been there, done that" Good luck!! Tommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:07am

Boy, can I relate...you probably have read my posts by now...fun, huh???

I'm glad you're here...sounds like rapid cycling BP to me. Get to a pdoc soon, and let them help you.

Talk and let us get to know you!

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:27am

Hey love!!! Did you know our dx's are identical???? Even the "others" we have, lol.

Talk to you soon, k?

Love you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:30am

Hi Tommy and welcome!!!

I read your profile and found it very interesting. I'm glad you're here...we can ALWAYS use more friends!

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:15am

Hey, another male (LOL), I am not the lone ranger anymore! LMAO.

Not many of these type boards out there for us males are there tommy?

tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:35pm

JD,


Some of what you describe could certainly be BP, but it could be other things as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 1:40am
Hi Marci, I was glad to read your post and I add your suggested web-sites to my set information links regarding our Bi-Polar disorders. Thanks for posting that set. I hope other readers also visit those links. Take care, Tommy