How do I cope w/DH that has this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
How do I cope w/DH that has this?
3
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 5:35pm
I believe my husband may be manic depressive or have bi-polar disorder. Which I am told are one in the same? He has yet to be diagnosed, but his mother is a diagnosed manic depressive and my husband has displayed the severe mood swings for a long time in life. He has also been struggling with addiction for about 10 yrs., which I understand may be him attempting to self medicate. He has been in rehab once but still continues to battle his addictions. He has recently been saying he might actually want to see a psychiatrist to find out if he is in fact manic depressive like his mother. Which I would encourage. My question is this, he is like Jekyll and Hyde and when he turns in to that person that either acts like i'm not in the room or jumps down my throat for stupid things, how do I not let it personally affect me? I am understanding this may be uncontrollable by him, but I do take it SO personally and it hurts me terribly. Especially, when I see how loving he can be. Does anyone have suggestions on how I, the spouse, can cope with this illness?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:03pm

His getting a correct dx and getting proper medication along with, ideally, therapy will go a long way to helping your situation--once he finds the right meds, which can take a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 10:48am

I will not be much help, but I did want to tell you to hang in there....DW lurks around here and posts to help out people in you position....I have been bp since she first knew me (20 yrs ago) so she has LOTS of experience dealing with me unmedicated.

That doesn't make much sense, I have had Early-onset BP from 7 yo with no idea what was going on....heck at that time there was not even a dx for eobp....I self dx'd about 8 yr ago after watching DS struggle in school and going through ADD/ADHD dx (knew it was something else, but took some time to convince the pdoc's). We finally got DS to a tdoc and he mentioned bp, we looked into family history and had practically the same scenario as you, only my maternal great-grandmother was the manic-depressive....my mother and I are pretty convinced she is too....also had plenty of alcoholism on the paternal side too.
I didn't get meds until early this year after my marriage of 17 yrs almost cratered (due to MANY issues) and I started going to MC and a tdoc and they both encouraged me to try meds.

SOOOOO, as you can see, DW may be able to give you some good insight. Her iVillage id is "melissacat66", but she is busy today so may not be able to post until this afternoon or this weekend some time....hang in there and she will give you her survival tips as soon as she can.

tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 4:44pm
Hi this is TK's (txknight) DW. As he said I have been with him for 20 years and married 17 1/2. When we first met I knew there was something different about his moods. He would fly off the handle at a pin drop but could be happy and joking in a minutes time. It is not easy being the DW/DH/SO of a bipolar person (I actually get to deal with 2 as my DS is also EOBP, what fun). As far as coping is concerned about all the help I can give you is what I've learned from experience. As my DH said he has had symptoms since he was 7 so he was well on the track by the time we met. I saw some scarey emotions from him at times. He would NEVER be violent with me, his up bringing just wouldn't allow it. I did fear for his life on more than one occasion. He would get angry and drive extremely fast, and recklessly. He would punch dumpsters, walls, whatever happened to be near. The thing you have to know of course is that they can not control these moods even with mood stabilizers. Even being medicated will only lesson the mood swings. In other words they won't be as violent/ as out of control/ as severe. Mood stabablizers will not take away all of the mood swings.
There are different types of BP, as well as a million symptoms. Every person is different, and so can take many trials to find a medication or combination of meds that will work for that person. Also even after finding the right meds and dosages at times the dosage and or meds may need to be re-evaulated and changed.
The first thing however that I would encourage is to have him see a doctor. You need to know for a fact that BP is what you are dealing with. Once you know for certain it is BP and which kind he has you can do research to find out some of what to expect. I encourage you to go along to the doctors appointments if possible. It helps to hear it straight from the doc. As far as dealing with the mood swings as Donna said you have to grow a thick skin and not take the moods personally. You will find that sometimes you will just need to step back and let him rage. As far as the depressive episodes you will need to keep an eye on him, as many will become suicidal.
I hope some of this helps. If you have any more questions please ask. I may not have all the answers but it is easier to talk to someone else who is going through the same problems.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Brenda