Big Changes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2006
Big Changes
2
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:37pm

Hello all! I wanted to share a few things that have happened since my last post. I actually (managed) to go to a series of job interviews. The last one was this morning, and I’m really, truly hoping I got this job. Not only do I desperately need it, but the folks there are some of the nicest people I’ve met in a long time. I also completed my first semester of engineering classes since I dropped out of college in 1997. I had no idea that finals were such a cast iron you-know-what on BP! If I wasn’t crying and hysterical I was bouncing off the walls. Because I’m still adjusting to my meds, I’m not getting much relief yet. I’m reacting to a few of them, to the point where the pdoc took me off two, so I’m a little concerned.

Unfortunately my ExH has managed to cause me more problems and I will be moving in with friends until I can save my pennies to get my own place. This is both terrifying to me and rather humiliating because I have a hard time with changing things right now. I’ve also lost my BFF to an alcoholic relapse, and am hoping he is in rehab getting the help he needs. This has really caused me a huge amount of stress, and I’m trying very, very, very hard not to dwell on the negative and spiral down lower. I’m hoping that he remembers that I love him and won’t forget him, but it’s terribly lonely without him. He was a bigger part of my life then I thought. Now I feel totally alone. The worse part is the by myself bits. Even though I have animals, it’s tougher that I thought it would be, and I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.

Any ++ thoughts would be greatly appreciated right now, because I am really scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: skyvalley
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 11:41am

Hey there!!! Sorry I'm so late in responding.

Many PPTs coming your way...hang in there! its the hardest thing, dealing with change...but the change can do wonders for your stability too.

I'm having to move suddenly too, because of money problems, and I'm also going off meds, and starting new ones...so I know what you're going through.

How do you feel today???

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2006
In reply to: skyvalley
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:09am

It was a up and down kind of day today. I started the huge packing and sorting parts. Lots and lots of memories associated with things which were kind of scary to me. I managed to get a few rooms done to the point were a dump run is needed. (That's nice because it's mostly my ExH stuff and he doesn't want to claim it). But I cried though most of it. I've lived in the military most of my life and married an IT guy so I'm used to change, but this one hit me really, really hard and I hate it totally.

I talked to my Dr's as well today and they all agree that meds are going to be tough because I have a weak heart and I'm the heart itself is not liking any of the meds with the exception of the Trazadone. That was not a good call. I feel that if I don't get on something to help me soon I will just totally lose it again. I also didn't get the call back on the jobs so I'm worrying so much about it that panic has set in.

I also received a call from my BFF father and we briefly talked. It put me into a full blown manic moment. I literally craved his words and attention. I'm hoping my friend is OK, but the hurry up and waiting bits are so bloody hard! I was bounding off the walls. He also invited me to come back and work on the stock car for the next race season, so that also set me off into the stratosphere.

These feeling are old but new to me. I'm so used to doing this swing back and forth thing, but now that I know why, it scares me. I wish I could just level out long enough to get past this rough patch and THEN I can fall apart (LOL).

If anyone has any ideas I can talk to the Dr's about I'd appreciate it. I have extreamly high, uncontrollable blood pressure, and a leaky valve. I've been on 4 sets of meds that just couldn't work properly.

Thanks folks, you've made this a little easier to understand.