New Here. Hi Everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
New Here. Hi Everyone.
1
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 10:08pm
I am Jessica. I have been diagnosed as bipolar about 2.5 years ago. I have been in therapy for years for dissociative personality disorder, panic attacks, post traumatic stress disorder and depression. I was diagnosed with these 8 years ago and bipolar within the last few years. I am having a very difficult time understanding how this really affects me. i am on Lamictal (200) and Celexa. I suppose it is ok but I still get really depressed and suicidal. I really dont talk about it but I feel like I am on the edge of a huge break down. Pretty much my life is falling apart right before my eyes. This has been the toughest year for me. DH lost his job in August. He was unemployed for 3 months and I supported us on $9.40 an hour plus $400 a month in commission and I live in a very expensive tourist city. We have 2 daughters one is 7 and the other one is almost 1 year. During this time we ended up in financial ruin and our car got repoed. He finally got a job and I quit mine since my health insurance was costing me $600 per month for me and my husband and now we only have one car and daycare would have cost over $1,000 per month. It was cheaper to stay home and my dream to be with my girls. After 3 weeks at the new job he was let go because he did not pass a required state licensing exam. Now we are both unemployed. Talk about stress and triggers. I am so worried that I will run out of my medications and now I am uninsured. COBRA is out of the question. We dont even have hardly any food in the house. My husband is in the tech field and we need the internet so he can job search. We have cut back on everything. I am so glad that I quit my job though. I would cry almost every day. My hair was falling out by the handfull which has now stopped. This was happening for months. I have colon issues that have started back up again since all this stress is back. Sometimes I feel like giving up and I dont know what to do. People just dont understand how hard life is for me and how hard it is for me to work and deal with other people and then come home and deal with the needs of my family and finances and my health issues and mental issues. I feel very alone can anyone else relate? BTW it seems like every medication that my psychiatrist puts me on either doesnt work, works for a while then doesnt anymore, takes the edge off or I have a bad reaction to it. I am hypothyroid too so that limits what they can give me. Thanks for letting me ramble and vent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:29am

Hey there! Welcome.

This year has been horrible for me too...but I find that if i try really hard to remember the good too, it helps...there really is something to all that "positive thinking" stuff.

I'm not doing well right now either...titrating up on Lamictal, but JUST starting, and coming off Lexapro and Ativan and Lithium...has been hell for the last week...

Hang in there, and keep posting...we're all here for each other...

Love and Hugs,

Keli