Manic and Destructive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Manic and Destructive
14
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:23am
I have been manic for the past 3 days. It started in Friday when i went out for dinner I have one drink with dinner then all day shopping on Saturday. I havent eaten anything but jello and drink. All I wanna do is go to the store or bar and drink till i pass out.I have had sex with at the very least 8 people since 12.08 and 2 people last night and given a BJ do just bout anyone who showed a glimmer of intrest. I havent slept more than an hour or two a night since Friday.Im not proud of myself but i feel like i am being dragged by my hair.I just want more and more. More sex more alcohol and more highs. I just want more and Im trying to fight but its so easy to give in and it feels good to give in to the mania. I feel free and beautiful and like i can conquer the world. I want this feeling to continue but i know the crash is coming and i want to do whatever i can to keep this high.

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Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:13pm
do you have a dr?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:47pm
Yes i do. I dont wanna talk to her and i cant stand my therapist.I went on my lunch and gave a bj to and x-bf. I cried all the was back to work.I just wanna drive my car off a bridge. I feel like death and i just wanna go in my room and never come out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:28pm

if you don't want to talk to either of them...you will not get the help you desperately need right now.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:54pm
They will think i am bad and will call me bad things. They wont care anyway. just blame me and tell me how immoral i am and how i blame my behaviouron some made up mental issue and how its just a cop out. I just have to get thru the crash i feel coming.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:04pm

your family and friends will say bad things to you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:14pm
sigh....I just need to be alone. Maybe take a double dose of my medi's
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:19pm
um yeah...don't think the double dosing will do much...call the pdoc !!!!
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God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.
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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:42am

Im home today. last night a friend of mine came over and cleaned the house for me. I yelled and cursed and screamed all manner of cruelities at him and he just waited until I broke. He called into work for me which i didnt appreciate at all. He annoys me so very much. I cried the rest of the night and he slept in front of my door so i couldnt open it with out disturbing him. He taking me to doc today and its pissing me off.

That should get everyone off my back at least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:59am

We're not "on your back"....we just have all BTDT too #$%^ many times and know what happens afterward and understand where you are coming from and trying to get you through this without self-destructing.

You can be pissed at your friend all you want to be, he is a TRUE friend and when you get stabalized again you will realize that....he IS what you need right now no matter HOW much you feel he isn't. He understands that if you had gone out again last night you would have self-medicated again and done some things your really shouldn't....like I said, when you are stabalized again treasure this guys friendship. I have been told that sometimes those of us with emotional disorders, whether bp or depression, need to have our butts drug into a pdoc and get ourselves straightened out again.

Good luck and let us know how your appointment goes,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 9:36am

Wow....what a great friend that is !!

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God could not be everywhere, so

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