Step-bro has BP...advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Step-bro has BP...advice please!
4
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 8:25pm

I've lurked here several times and also on the message board for children who have BP.


My step-brother has BP and ADD. I am the one that did all the research and told my Mom that I thought he has this. So my Step-dad and her took him and instead of ODD it was BP. Anyways I am the one that does the research and tries to help. He is 16 1/2 yrs old and he has been in trouble with the school and the law. I know my Mom doesn't make anything better. She is hard to live with and lives in denial most of the time.


My step-brother wants to join the military unfortunately he is unable to because he has to take medicine daily. I have not told him yet that he can't enlist. My Dh was in the Marine Corps for 14 yrs and just recently got out and my other step-brother is in the Marines. So my Step-brother wanted to go into the military also. I want to give him other alternatives as to what he can do after he graduates. He will graduate May of 08. I know it is early but I want to get him interested in something and to give him hope. I just don't know if he is ready for college, he is a junior in HS right now and is failing two classes. He was doing good in school but now he isn't.


I am looking for suggestions or advice. My SB has a lot of potential and I just want to see him succeed in life.


Thanks!

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 9:14pm

hi candice and welcome to the board. i don't know that i have the answers you are looking for, but i have a dd who is 17 and a junior in hs as well. up until her bp got out of control she had big aspirations of going to uva or va tech or even william and mary. now she's doubting her abilitiy and thinking of a junior college because of the struggles she's having with school. i'm hoping that when we get her meds right and she gets back on track that she will realize her dream of the 4 year university though.


i understand you not wanting to dash your step-brothers hopes about the usmc. but at the same time, you also need to ask yourself if it's fair to let him go on believing he'll get in. it's a double-edged sword. just in the nicest way possible explain to him that the military may not be what he's best suited for, that he's better suited for college and a degree in something that he's got a natural ability for. like with me, for example, i joined the army right out of high school, but my knee blew out during my training so when i got home i started college to become a psychologist. i started having seizures and long story short i dropped out and 20 years later i decided to return and persue my degree because i'm a natural at helping others. the military wasn't for me so i had to figure out what was. i knew when i got out, but illness then got in my way. and it took me 20 years to find my way back, but i'm back and ready to finish what i started. at least your step-brother knows what's going on with him and hopefully has some idea of what he's cut out for other than the marines. there's got to be a specialty that he's interested in once he gets in? if so, persuade him to find an alternate way of pursuing that goal.


i know i'm probably rambling and not making a whole lot of sense so i'll stop here. i wish you and your family the best and feel free to post here as often as you would like. we look forward to getting to know you better.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 2:05pm

Candace,


Welcome to the board and thank you for looking out for your SB's interests--we all wish we had someone backing us like that.


While I'm not sure having to take meds daily would be sufficient to keep him out of the military, I'm sure BP is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 3:05pm

Thanks Marci.


Well I can only help him from a distance because I live in SC and all my family lives in MI. My Dh is in Iraq right now so he can't talk to him. My step-brother wrote my Dh a letter the other day telling him that he is going to go into the military. My step-brother could go into the military but he would have to be medicine free for 6 months, unfortunately he can't do that. Anyone that is ADD, ADHD, Bipolar or any type of disorder that has to take medicine daily is excluded from being able to enlist.


I plan on telling my brother but I wanted some ideas to give him when I tell him. My mom kinda mentioned it to him that he wouldn't be able to enlist and he blew up at her calling her a liar. I think the only reason he wants to go into the military is 1) he will get away from my Mom and step-dad 2) he thinks that is his only option after graduation 3) he thinks it will be easy.


My Mom isn't the easiest person to get along with so that is why I go out of my way to give him options. She always has excuses and denial and I know that doesn't work in life. I just can't see him fail in life. Thanks for the info you gave me though, I can give that to my Mom. Oh and no he doesn't see a therapist because that would cost my parents more money and give them one more thing to complain about :(


Thanks again!

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 6:31pm

Unfortunately BTDT with the parent thing--I no longer have contact with my father, but it's the primary reason my mother still doesn't know I was dx'd BP almost 4 years ago!