meeting with tdoc - triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
meeting with tdoc - triggers
4
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 1:45pm

i called tdoc yesterday to ask her how to make the su thoughts stop. she told me to come in today at 11:00 that we needed to talk. the tone in her voice worried me, thinking that she would have the sherrif's department waiting there to take me to the hospital. well, i was half right. i showed up and we talked for a few minutes and she told me she wanted me to go into the hospital. i asked her when and she said today. i said no way. i can't do that to my kids this close to christmas. she argued that if i offed myself between now and christmas that would be worse. but i told her that we have a contract and other than the one slip, i've been honoring it. i just want the thoughts to stop. she wasn't completely sold. so then she wanted to come to the house and talk to my mom to get her to keep an extra close eye on me if i didn't go to the hospital. i didn't like that idea either. my mother is part of my problem to begin with. so finally she decided to come to my house and evaluate the meds i had on hand and remove anything i don't need over a 4 day period. that would get me through christmas and i have an appointment with her on tuesday, i guess to see if she still wants me to go in the hospital, but i can't do it before new years either. i've got to take my oldest dd to meet her bio-dad next friday and pick her up on sunday. so the soonest i could go i/p is after new years. i'm really hoping to be better by then.


the bad part of this is that my mood is really affecting my oldest dd who is also bp. she is cycling and it's my fault because of my cycling. she took me to a concert last night to try and make me feel better and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 2:42pm

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Christmas used to be a hard time for me, not for social reasons but because in Arizona (where I used to live), Christmas is when the weather starts going from warm to chilly, and changes from hot to cold or cold to hot do something funny to my body chemistry. So anyway, there were two Christmases I was in the hospital, two years in a row. I didn't have kids though (still don't), so I don't know the pressure you are under.

Best of luck to you.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:00pm

I'm sorry....I do hope things get better and soon !!

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:47pm

Traci,


I know you don't want to go i/p and I'm glad your tdoc is working with you, but I am SO thankful that you have a tdoc who cares so much about you.


Please don't take all your dd's cycling issues onto yourself--the holidays alone are enough to set her off even without the other stressors (that you are only on the receiving end of).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 1:56am
Hi Traci, Right now I'm also in a very deep depression and have been having thoughts of su, so I well know where you're coming from. I've been down this road so many times before over the years that I already know all the neighbors along that road and can even pet their dogs who live with them as I go, - but I'll NEVER let myself reach the end. If you catch my idea. // Here's some inside information about some of your tDr actions for you. I was on the Board of Directors for Mental Health Centers in 3 counties and got to know almost all the PDr and tDr. on every staff. They'd chat about their cases (never any names of the people they were working with) and how deeply they'd take each one to heart. Those staff tDr. and PDr worry about each and every person they're working with and NEVER want to lose any one by not taking ALL the available actions they can. While you, me, and others, are often all mentally messed up by being in our deep depressions, our tDr are always clear headed and ready to act for us or take over to keep us 'on planet Earth' for as long as they can. I know all this to be the truth since I'm now on the 'receiving end' of their care due to my own mental illnesses. // Traci, please listen very closely to what your tDr saying and follow the requests while 'your' mind is all screwed up because your tDrs mind is clear and working very well. // I well know about having the Police intervene with a tDr since I was with them on two cases where they had to go to someones home to make sure the tDr wasn't harmed while meeting with the person in need. // The fact that your daughter also has b/p complicates things since she has her own set of complicated issues to deal with, so both of you need as many 'tools and techniques' as both of you can get from your tDrs to help you get through your su thoughts. // I can't lie to you and say that 'all will be better tomorrow' since I know it will take a lot of special work ahead for you and your daughter. But from what you've written your tDr is really 'on top of things' and working as hard as possible in your best interests. Follow your instructions the best you can, but NEVER WORK TOWARD GETTING YOURSELF INTO THE OBITUARY PAGE. If you ever get there you'll NEVER get out!!! Right now you still have MANY positive options, but su is NOT one of them. Remember, I've been down that road myself and there are ways to stop short and let people help you. >Please take care, Tommy