Holiday family travails

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Holiday family travails
2
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 2:04pm

What do you do with family members that have a probable mental illness and no understanding of their situation? Out of the blue this week my sister called me because she was having a serious problem with my mother and had no energy to deal with it. My mom was just being herself and laying a huge guilt trip on sis because she wouldn't help mom get herself out of a pit she'd created by not telling my father there was change in Christmas plans this year until the last minute. Since my sister is under a lot of stress at the moment I foolishly asked my father to talk to mom. What I didn't know was that my father is in the midst of one of his major depressive episodes (according to BIL it's on par with one that lost him his job and nearly cost him his career and marriage 15 years ago) and my father took my request as a condemnation of him. My mom who is the queen of denile and a world class practioner of the art of the guilt trip actually sent me an email telling me she was ashamed of me for hurting my father so badly and that I had "devastated him" and "ruined my father's Christmas" after "all he's done for me." (It's a long story why that's an asinine point to make) Son of a *&^%$@. There's a whole lot of stupid drama and fallout that I have no interest in, and thanks the fact I moved 1000 miles away, I don't have to really deal with. However, the fact remains that my dad is obviously sick, my mom is going to be worse than useless in getting him help, and my sister isn't speaking to any of them (for which I don't blame her). I don't want to be one of those "reformed smoker evangelist" types here and go rushing in telling my dad he needs to see a professional, but I hate to watch him spiral down with my mom clearing the way either.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 2:36pm

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

You're not alone. Mental illness is one of the least understood ailments out there, if not the very least. Unfortunately, there are only two things you can really do, which may not help in any way: 1) urge your dad to see a pro, and 2) urge the entire family to go to family therapy.

Aside from that, remember that you dad is sick and can't be expected to see things as they are (what the rest of your family's excuse is I have no idea). Just try not to judge anyone, particularly your father.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 4:01pm

Mary,


I SO get where you're coming from.