Do "little things" bother you?
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| Tue, 12-26-2006 - 4:39pm |
I am looking for some feedback from people who have BP which my DH has and I'm trying to understand him better.
My DH has been in a much better mood for a couple of weeks, which is great. He had been kind of stressed due to thinking about buying Christmas presents and getting everything done, so I can understand that. Then he was having problems w/ having to change doctors and getting a big runaround, but he finally got an appt. w/ a new psych and really liked her, so that was a big relief.
So my question is that why is it when things are going well that he seems to be really bothered by something that to me is a non-issue or a very minor problem? It sometimes seems to me that he can't handle a change or anything unexpected or that doesn't go along w/ his idea of how things should be.
Like last night, we were out and DD called and said she was going to the movies w/ 2 friends and one of them was going to leave his car at our house, then she would drive w/ him in her car. She probably mentioned this because another time, she had some friends over and there was one more car at our house than DH expected and it really bothered him. So I told him this and he started to make an issue of where was this guy going to park. I really didn't feel like calling DD because they usually don't get along but things had been going pretty well. DH parks in the driveway over to the side and because we had company earlier, he told DD to park next to him in the driveway. So the friend came over and parked in front of the house, which meant I had to park in back of him. Usually both DD & I park in front, but friend's car wasn't forward enough, so maybe I had to park 2 ft. back more than usual, which to me is nothing. It's not any inconvenience and DH had his usual space, so why it bothered him when it didn't even affect him, I don't even know. He said "this better not happen again" but since DD hardly ever has friends over (because of DH) I didn't mention it and I'm glad that he didn't say anything to her either. But why he would even care about this, I can't figure out.
The other thing was that my DD got a new cell phone and she asked if she could download ring tones if she paid for it. She only wanted to do a couple, not a lot. So DH was starting to get nervous about the cost and I told him it was only $2.50 a ringtone and what diff. did it make if she was going to pay for it anyway? So he said she could do one. Then later we came home and she told him she got 2 and offered to give him $5.00 and he said to keep it. I can see if he didn't understand how much it cost, but again if SHE was paying for it and it didn't affect him, what's the diff? BTW, DD has never given us any problems w/ her cell phone acct. His DD gave us a lot of problems, but my DD never has and he knows it. That's why he put text messaging on her phone and not his DD's.
So, back to the point, if you have BP, do you make an issue out of things that other people consider minor and do you know you are doing this? I try to just humor him and go along w/ it cause I don't want to have fights all the time, but it's really annoying.

I guess the word "minor" is relative.
The things that bother your dh seem to me minor, but I do know that little life events can really get to me. They seem to make my life one long crisis. As an example, I can tell you that I once ended up in the ER because of an argument I had with members of my DH's family over our wedding (in my defense, they had been drinking a lot and were impossible to reason with.) It was just a little problem that was soon ironed out, but I was suicidal over it for a time!
Actually, your dh sounds like my dh. My dh is only mildly bipolar if he is at all (I, on the other hand, am VERY bipolar), but if something happens like something falling off the counter while he is cooking, he has a miniature temper tantrum. At times, those mini tantrums turn into major tantrums. While he only has mild bp symptoms, he has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (so have I, that's how we met.) All I can say is, things just affect us both differently. We learn to live with it and move on.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
I saw myself in alot of your post. I am bp II and have been told by several people (including DW) that I tend to make big deals about nothing. I actually can understand totally you DH wigging out about the parking arrangement. LOL. Not a big deal and not "affecting" him perse, BUT the out of wack stuff just jars our sense of "right". I have been known to start a vehicle up just to move it a few inches forward or back (after DW has parked it) just because it isn't where it normally is. If you don't already know it is called "Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder" (OCD for short) and is quite often co-morbid with bp.
I am also VERY anal about my tools and tool box and about got into a fight at work once because my tool box had been moved to the new shop area while I was not there....the guy that moved it couldn't see why it was a big deal, but to me was a HUGE deal. LMAO(NOW, was very, very upset at the time) I have also been known to almost take DW's head off because she put a tool back in the "wrong" drawer....she just lets me put them away now or asks before she puts them away.
You actually have the right game plan, I know it is difficult to deal with at times, but you will need to just deal and roll with it unless it is getting TOTALLY out of hand, then some meds may be in order.
tk