Dating Someone With Bipolar

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Dating Someone With Bipolar
15
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 11:01pm

Hello,

I have recently started dating someone (about 2 months ago) who tells me he was diagnosed with not only bi-polar, but OCD a few years ago. He said that the doctors told him he had one of the worst cases they have ever seen. Just a little background on him, he was married for 9 years as a strict church go'er, and then somehow get into drugs and alcohol. He divorced his wife, and took the drugs to such an extreme that he ended up in the hospital over 30 times. About two years ago, he checked himself into a rehab, and that was when he got diagnosed. He has tried several medications but is currently not on anything. Once graduating rehab, he found this leadership training program that he started which really (to him) changed his life. He feels he has now for the first time in his life found himself, and who he really is. He feels that the bi-polar nor OCD have no effect on him anymore. He however has some different behaviors that i have noticed. Everynight at 8pm it is like someone comes and literally shuts him off. He gets so tired that he can't even keep his eyes open. He will then just "pop" up out of bed without an alarm clock around 5:30-6am every morning. I don't understand it, and must admit that i get frustrated that he goes to bed so early every night. He will also just instantly be able to emotionally check out... to the point where he will say he wants to break up with me and be completely emotionless. Yet the next day he can't quit telling me how much he loves me...... And the difficult part is that he expects me to always be on his same page. He doesn't seem to quite understand why after he emotionally checks out, I have a hard time believing when he professes his love to me the next day.

My question is, are these symptoms of bipolar?? If not, how can i best handle the relationship with his bipolar and OCD? What should I be looking for? Should I run?

Any comments, suggestions are appreciated.

MJ

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:10am

Hello~

As of right now there is no actual evidence of a police chase so he was possibly seeing the whole thing which scares me even more.

My bf went to a counselor today. The counselor said his BP was so severe that she wanted to see him 2x a week and before she would put him on meds, he had to take a psych evaluation. I will be interested to see if the results show that he also has a disasociative disorder. The bad news is that he couldn't get in for the evaluation for 3 weeks! That really upset me because he is obviously NOT stable and he needs immediate help. I almost am wondering if he told the counselor the whole truth or not because of the fact that she is letting him go 3 weeks without meds. He is a wonderful manipulator when he wants to be.

I am honestly scared to say anything to him right now. I feel like i am completely walking on egg shells because i have no idea how he will react to what i say. He will randomly email me these "poems" he has come up with now, and even started going into the "superman" phase where he was going to save the world today. He is absolutely self-absorbed at this point. I honestly even question if he knows i exist lately. It is getting really hard for me to always try and be this perfect pillar of strength that has no problems or issues myself because he can't handle any of them. I deserve attention and my emotional needs met as well and everytime i even bring that up his instant reaction is to run or push me away. He can't handle anything and im to the point of not being able to handle it either.

Will this EVER CHANGE? Is this honestly how it would be the rest of my life if we got married?

I have also agreed to go to some free classes on couples dealing with bp with him. Maybe those will help.... or not help. Maybe this is all just a HUGE waste of my time..

Despite what this all may sound like, I really do feel i have a good head on my shoulders. I know i deserve the best and shouldn't ever settle but I am a true believer that there are no accidents and i created him to come in my life for a reason. What this is is beyond me right now. I keep asking myself, "How did i create this and what is this experience trying to teach me? What does it say about me?" And everytime i ask this question i get a blank. Am i a passion driven person? Yes. BUT i am also very realistic when i need to be, thus my emotionally confusion i face on a daily basis. I know who i fell in love with but this person is no where to be found right now.

I am really trying to see any positives of BP if there are any..... so any positives right now that anyone has experienced would be a plus because i haven't seen ANY so far! This relationship BAR NONE has been the most challenging thing i have done in my life and i feel i have covered alot of bases for my age. Even when i found out my ex-fiance' was hooked to pain killers (at an extreme amount) i knew that the problem (the drugs) could be removed. BP on the other hand can't. It is not a tangible thing i can flush down the toliet. You can't get surgery for it to make it go away and it is messing with someone's mind.... and what else does anyone have if they don't even have their own mind?

My heart aches for my bf on a daily basis. He looked at me today and with tears in his eyes said, "I know i have a problem. I can feel it and i know its there.... but i CAN'T make it go away."

I have received a compassion over this last little while for people with mental illness that i have never had before. So much that i think if i had to choose to either experience a physical illness or mental, i wouldn't think twice about choosing physical.

As you can see I am at a loss. I really don't want to throw the towel in because i love him....but this is getting so hard.

Thank you again for all your support and listening to me ramble.

MJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 3:52pm

Have him admitted inpatient and he will get the eval he needs. Just take him to the ER. That is what i would do if my DH was acting as your bf is. NO QUESTION! You need to talk to the ppl there too...tell them what you have seen. My DH was not Dx until after I told his Drs what was going on. he needs help and he needs it now.
This will probably be one of the hardest thing you will have to live with. One that might be harder is that if you have kids with him...they could have it to. My DS, 5, is going through some stuff that looks a lot like BP. I don't know what is more challenging...my DH or DS. I am very thankful I am in this relationship...but it can be very hard. Good luck.

April

~*~April~*~ Wife to RT Mother to RH & GM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:57pm

((((((((((((((MJ))))))))))))))


I've read your post and all the replies. You've received a lot of valuable information and a lot of support. I can only echo what has been said. If bf is insisstant on not getting treatment then I would seriously reconsider the whole relationship. I just got out of the hospital after a 3 day stay and that was being on meds and following my therapy. So even on meds and talk therapy life with a bp person can be a challenge. Now, if you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:01pm

Are there any good books you or anyone else recommends on bipolar?

Thanks,

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 10:51pm

i can't think of the author's name, but An Unquiet Mind is a good one. Other books I have in my collection are:


Psychological Treatment of Bipolar Disorder by Sheri L Johnson and Robert L Leahy;


Touched With Fire by Kay Redfield Jamison


New Hope for People With Bipolar by Jan Fawcett, Bernard Golden, and Nancy Rosenfeld; and


Bipolar Disorder Demystified by Lana R. Castle.


I have another one that I can't find readily. I may have loaned it to my daughter. I think it's called Call Me Anna by Patty Duke Astin. She has a couple of books out there. The Psychological Treatment book is more of a "text book" type book the others are more for people affected with the disorder. I happen to be studying psychology/social work so I invested in that particular book. Hope this list helps.


Hugs,
Traci

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