increased pressure on myself *triggers*

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
increased pressure on myself *triggers*
6
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 5:01pm

I have another problem/question. I feel like I should be "perfect". I work at home, so I contribute a little to the family finances, but not as much as I should. The house is not as clean as it should be and the laundry is never caught up. I feel like I should be able to handle anything because "it's ME". I don't believe I'm particularly narcisistic, but that is sure how it sounds. I don't ask my husband to help around the house because I feel like if I can't do it all then I'm a complete failure. I should be able to work, take care of the kids, and the house too, right? I know there are others out there who can do it, but there are days that I can't really separate something I saw on TV from actually thinking it might have happened to me. What the h#(% is wrong with me????? My thoughts are fuzzy at best. I'm not delusional, just unsure of exact actions, dreams, or real like.

Camp

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 6:16pm

There is nothing wrong with you sweetie ! You are human. You have alot on your plate and not too many people can do it all. The ones that look like they are, aren't, believe me. Give yourself a break and stop being so hard on yourself. I get mad at myself at times too because I am home and don't work and still can't keep up with the house work all the time. I feel my house should be spotless, but it isn't. It is as clean as I can make it. Some days i am so depressed or in pain from my fibro ( not completely dx'd for sure but doc thinks stronly I have it) that I can only do so much or not much at all. I have to go with the flow. We are only hurting ourselves by beating ourselves up and making ourselves more depressed which then makes us even less functional. A viscious cycle we need to stop. Please be gental to you and ask for help.


Hang in there and here is a gental hug from me (((( Camp ))))


     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 6:28pm

Camp,


You're just like a lot of women--we think we have to do it ALL or we're a failure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 10:20am
Thanks for the wisdom. If it were anyone else, I'd be saying the same thing, but I feel I should be different, somehow. I'm still trying to recover from the episode in December plus with the holidays and everything. I'm still pretty new to all of this and haven't learned how to "read" myself yet. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 1:29am

I understand what you mean Camp. I do that too. I feel like a total failure if I don't have everything done at home. Especially since I havent been working the past few months. Before that I had to be perfect at my job every minute, then have the house cleaned and dinner made. If I was too exhausted/sick/etc to do it, I felt like a total loser.

My husband told me 'so what, it will still be there for you to do tomorrow, so its not a race. Just do it later and sit down.' -he does more than his share around the house, thats just what he said when I was flipping out about my list of TODO's that day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:15am

I read something last night, I think on the self-esteem board, about making a list of everything you find negative about yourself and then making a conscious effort to "let go" of one of them. It also said that things you find negative about yourself others find make you who you are. I thought that was interesting. I'm going to read some more today and try to apply some of this to myself.

Thanks again to everyone!

Camp

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:03am

ok...first of all, taking care of kids/house is a full time job right there...you add a job to it (whether its home based or not) and no one can do everything.

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