Husband w/bipalor

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Husband w/bipalor
5
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:33am
I dont know if I am in the right place or not. My husband of 18 years has recently been diagniosed with Bi Polar Disorder. I am trying hard to understand, but it is hard. Things have almost always been great for us, and now all of a sudden, in the past year things have gotten to the point that I am about ready to leave. I had to force him to go the the doctor to find out what was going on with him.He just seemed to have changed. In what seemed like over night He doesnt want to really believe that things have gotten out of hand. But he finally went after I threatened to leave. That was about 2 mo. ago. The past 2 months I have tryed to be more understanding than I was before I knew what was wrong but it is hard. He most of the time thinks the doctor is wrong and that he doent have a problem. But when it is convenent for him he uses his disorder to his advantage with me. He hasnt been taking his meds correctly most of the time and trys to tell me that we cant afford them so he thinks he shouldnt take them. He has over the years become what he calls a functioning Acoholic. The doctors have told him that he needs to quit drinking especially on this medication, and he has for the most part but not totally. He feels that he deservs to be able to drink cause he work his A@# off. Which he does. He has always been a hard worker and suported his family sence he was 15. But now with the meds he cant drink and he is very angry over that.
He doent understand that this disorder has done alot of damage to our marriage and that if we have any hope of staying together he also has to be willing to do what ever he has to to keep himself in a normal state if mind and not be angry all the time. Most of the time he just isnt willing to do what he needs to. I have stoped trying so hard to make him happy because he just seems to find problems with what ever I do, and just try to keep myself and son happy for the most part by doing our own thing.
How do I keep him taking his med's and not drinking when he really deep down doesn't think anything is wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:30am

I can't answer for him....in my case it was a collision of my bp and DW depression that led to ME wanting to leave....however, I didn't realize the problems my bp was causing until we went into mc. I started taking meds then, but am continually not wanting to up the dosages or I keep forgetting doses....I am starting to see the difference when I miss a dose so I am trying hard not too, but until your H realizes some of that, it will be difficult for you to help much. You've done what you can, short of using "gentle" reminders to stay up on his meds and insuring he is going to all his appt. you cannot do much more now other than what you are, work on keeping yourself happy.

With the emotional disorders in our family, it has been a hard learned lesson that one person can NOT "make" another person happy. I tried for yrs with DW and she is struggling with trying to make ME happy right now....one has to find happiness within themselves before they can be happy with someone else. Sounds trite, but it is the truth.

Good luck,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 3:29am
We started MC but after one session he decided that it was not what we need that we can do this ourselfs.I tryed to tell him that i have alot of issues about us, that is proably a result of his disorded.But that doesnt seem to matter cause he doesnt see where i should have any issues.
They are still trying to figure out what meds are gonna work for him so his attitude keeps going on. He seems to think that if he littarly holds on tight to me that i wont want to leave. Some times i feel like he is going to sufficate me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:42pm

I feel for you. Like I said, I can't offer much advice as I tended to think I was all the problem anyway. I may not have presented that image to DW (she lurks and may post to you if she sees this), but I don't think I acted like we could handle it all ourselves or that I didn't understand that she should have issues too. I do know that for several MC's we went to, both of us agreed were not much help so we would quit going.

I also know that for this last MCing it came up that she felt I didn't CARE what she felt. I have to admit to having spells of NOT really caring what she was feeling....it is a long a complicted story, but I did realize she seemed to like me better ON the m/s's, so I am trying to remember to take them as Rx'd.

Keep venting, it helps allot,

tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:15am

Last night and today were pretty rough. The Dr. is trying a different med for him and it is gonna take a little while for it to start to work, I guess, cause he seems to be just as angry over nothing as he was before. The last meds he was taking made him to depressed.

How long does it take to get the right meds and for them to work? Days like today drive me crazy, with everything else I have to still deal with, it just seems to make it that much harder.

It is days like today that make me hate him!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:21am

For myself, I got EXTREMELY lucky and seem to have gotten the right med the first time around and am now trying to find the right dosage. Pdoc wants to ramp me up, but I am trying to stay on the lowest dosage possible so I have wiggle room if things get bad.

For some people, (allot of whom I have "talked" with on this board)they are still looking for the right med combination some 6 - 8 yrs after being dx. This is the best and worst of times right here....you know what you are dealing with FINALLY (which is a HUGE relief), but then finding the right med combo can be a nightmare (as you are finding out). Some of the meds just seem to make things worse, some don't work at all, others work but the side effects are worse than the bp ever was in the first place. Hang in there and find yourself a support system.

Good luck and come and vent as needed,

tk

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