Newbie - Job problems((((triggers)))long

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Newbie - Job problems((((triggers)))long
3
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:36pm

About 7 months ago I was dx w/BP. I have been working at a job that I loved for 10 years -I had the most wonderful boss that became a great friend and who has supported me over the last 11 years. I guess because he also had major depression and bp tendices we related to each other very well. He became the Chief Judge three years ago and started to fall into a deep depression. Since he was very involved with helping children and had hoped his appointment would give him an opportunity to bring in more interest and win grants to add to the programs in our Juvenile Court. Unfortunately he realized that court politics were more concerned with advancing to Superior Court Judgeship instead of making a difference in these children's lives. He became very discouraged with the whole system and about a year ago he announced his "retirement" at 52 and moved on to Jordan to help build housing for the poor (part of habitat humanity).

(Oh! some additional history: Two and half years ago my husband (of 26 years) admitted to having an affair with my then "best Friend". I began to fall into the deepest depression in my life (tried to commit suicide and was rescued by my boss).) After my boss left the depression became unbearable, I unable to get out of bed often making it into work late if at all, I was often behind on my work and caught up from the ocasional brief UP periods during this time. It took 6 months to appoint a new Judge. About two weeks after he was appointed, I was summoned into a meeting with him, the new Chief Judge, and the new Director of Court. They noted that my work performance had dropped and that I was having a hard time making it into work and if I did I was never on time (which I admitted was true). At that time I confessed I had been dealing with my husband's infidelity and was very depressed (I didn't bring up my former boss at all). I also admitted that my work was a week behind and that I always felt tired and just numb to everything. They put me on administrative leave and let me know that I would be unable to return unless I acquired a pdoc and tdoc and a dx was made. Their last statement to me was that I was a very valuable employee and that they had my best interests in mind - and I believed them.

It took 8 weeks to come back to work. All my paperwork from my MD's where forwarded to my work place. I would check in 2X's a week with the director advising her of my progress. The day I returned I was praised for my diligence in seeking and optaining help. Then the director called in my Judge and the Chief Judge and proceeded on reprimanding me on being a week behind in my work before I left. My evaluation had been redone (by two people who had been on the job only two weeks prior to my forced leave) and instead of being "excellent" it had been redone as "under standard", they stressed that the evaluation didn't reflect my then mental health but was a result of my poor work ethic??? (this was brought up 6 times during the review). I was placed on a consulting review basis for 6 months (which came up in December and I have yet to be re-reviewed).

The last 7 months have been hell - I've been written up for stupid things. Once for nicking my finger and supposedly getting blood on a document (which I wasn't aware of - nor was this document presented to me) The other times were for parking to close to another car in my assigned parking space, going on vacation for a week (which had been approved 6 months ago by my present boss - in addition my co-workers and I had coordinated the leave time and were in total agreement with - (heck I spent two weeks after my leave time filling in for both of my co-workers which requires me completing their jobs in addition to performing ALL my work responsibilties) I was written up for not being considerate to my co-workers since I had been out 5 months ago for forced administrative leave. And just recently for wearing my coat in the office (the new office I was assigned to after coming back from Adm. leave which doesn't have heating nor air - no I am not kidding) My present boss has NO interaction what so ever with me - I say good morning and he acts like he doesn't hear me. My job responsibilities have been changed as of 1/1/07 something I didn't find out until I was written up once again for not following instructions. (even though he admitted to not relaying the info. to me which he knew about 3 months before 1/1/07). The Chief Judge has gone out of her way to let me know how she feels about me (recent statement from her "Your still here? We haven't gotten raid of you yet? Ha! Ha! You know I'm just joking, Michelle.) The director has been the one writing me up and lectures me about my poor work ethic and standards. (Let me note that my co-workers have experienced the same treatment (to a lesser degree) and also have NO interact with our present boss)

The final blow occurred about 10 days ago when my former boss committed suicide. I found out Friday afternoon and the Chief Judge herself came down to my office to make sure I knew that this wouldn't be another excuse for me taking off and that she was watching me. The job I so loved for 10 years has become my prison, I hate it but am trying to hang on for another two years (at which time I will get retirement at age 50). I've tried talking to all the above supervisor's but if they agree to talking to me at all have stated that I'm in this position since I decided to not do my job, going on to tell me that THEY don't play favorites and these are the circumstances for my actions. (Yes I caught onto to "play Favorites" and have a feeling that their problems may be involved with the Chief Judge's feelings for my former boss.) They even have commented on me sending too much time on "Being treated Unfairly", time I should be using to improving myself. I have hidden my depression - have not taken any sick leave and had complements from every department on my work performance, in addition to being up-to-date with all my work since I came back for Adm. leave.

Upon hearing of my boss's suicide 10 days ago my mood has changed to something I've never experienced. I feel very up and am able to perform at my previous very efficient and very accurate level, my house is once again spotless, I'm losing weight, putting on make up, I'm even going back to my previous very confident and personable self on weekends and before work. But once I get into work I have to force myself to complete my work (which is hard to explain since otherwise I seem to have returned to the confident, very knowledgeable, employee that I was before). I'm not tired in the morning, but never put on makeup and have worn the same pants (of course washed) everyday since his death. I run though ALL excuses not to come in (I still come in, on time and haven't taken any sick leave nor emergency leave)I have to FORCE myself out the door and the moment I get home from work feel exhausted. This exhausted feeling lasts about an hour and then I'm back to being very up.

Any suggestions, comments or input? Am I creating these conflicts at work? Help!! I'm sorry for going on and on. Thanks for reading this.

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:46pm

I don't know about your emotional state, but it sounds like (to my admittedly suspicious mind) that this director and new judge are trying to force out all the old emplyees....in your case to avoid the retirement, in the other emplyees cases, who knows.

I can relate in that we too have just had a change in management and the new boss is a pompous, nacissitic, megalomaniac....I too have to drag myself out of bed in the morning and FORCE myself to go into work....it just isn't a nice environment all around. Both our situations involve new management thinking the prior management ran too lax a ship and things need to be "straightened up" around here.

Good luck and hope you can hang in there for the next two yrs.

tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:50pm
You have hit the nail on the head. How are you doing coping with the situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:13pm

Not too well....have been around long enough to know that most mgr's of this type eventually run into an excrement storm of their own making, but waiting it out until then?!?! It can be a pain. I am trying to keep my head down and wait him out....luckily he is two or three yrs from retirement....from listening to this idiot talk you can tell he has been asked to leave more than one position. He uses ALL the phrases from a book I read called "What Color is Your Parachute" which tells one how to sell themselves even when one has been pushed out the door at all your previous jobs. The man also contradicts himself in the same SENTENCE....starts out the sentence saying how he doesn't know if we will all have jobs a year from now and then finishes by saying there will be new faces in here...WTF....what does that mean?, are all of us going to be "let go" so he can bring his cronies in....or do we have budget for more people with the next lot of orders? When you're the sole wage earner this kind of BS causes the stomach to knot up all the time, but don't want to leave as we have the kids in an EXCELLENT school system and DS is two and a half years from graduating....let me at LEAST get that done....I am afraid this is the only school system he will have a prayer of graduating from with enough eduction and skills to function (he is EOBP and was just getting passed through the system in the last two school districts we were in). GRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Come here to vent or ask for advice....afraid I am a little short on advice right now....just able to commiserate (sp?) with you.

tk

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