Parental non-support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Parental non-support.
3
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 7:02pm

So I'm a little sad, and a little angry.

The other day, I mentionned to my mother (who I still live with) that I might be bipolar.

Today, she told me that:

- She thinks I'm trying to attract pity to myself by getting diagnosed with something that requires medication.

- She thinks that I am depressive (which I already know I am) and that I need to seek help (which I have). Telling her that I have already sought help does not seem to appease her.

- She thinks that even if the pdoc, tdoc or regular physician diagnoses me with this condition, that they are wrong (because, in her mind, someone with bipolar disorder is someone who has every reason in the world to not be depressed but is anyway.)

Basicly, I'm mad. I'm upset. I'm freakin' livid. True, I need to go see another doctor (and the probably a pdoc) to get it diagnosed properly. But if I am, I am. If I'm not, I'm not. But if I am, I don't think I'd get a whole lot of support.

Don't get me wrong, my mother is a good mother most of the time. But she's also the type of person who strongly believes that the cure to depression is "pulling yourself up by your boot-straps", so to speak.

I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder if I am the way I am because she drives me insane, or if it really is because of some underlying condition. I'd love to move out and find out, but this isn't an option at the moment since moving out would mean that she would no longer pay my tuition.

Gah. Not suicidal, but to put it lightly: if I had two choices in life, one being to live with her until the day I die, or to simply just die, I would probably choose death.

Normal twenty-something attitude, or bp, who knows. I don't. I'm confused. The worst part, is that 24-72 hours from now, I'll be over her being like this, but everyone in my life who has put up with my venting about her will be emotionally drained from my constant need for an attentive ear.

I have a very loving boyfriend, who tries his best to understand...but when I myself don't understand what the f-dot my mood swings are about, it's hard for other people to...

F-word? Yeah. That.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 7:25pm

I understand where you are coming from. When I was DX with BP my dad had the same attitude. Its' all in your head. Just force your self to get up and get going, yada yada yada.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:47pm

Well, Fraulein Germany, if it helps to know that you're not alone, know that I too had a mother who let her flaws show when bp was involved. When I was 18 and a freshman at my university, I found myself by the fountain on the north side of campus and had no idea how I got there (I had not been drinking or drugging). I was scared, so I went to a campus pdoc, who said I might be bipolar and I should go home and ask my family if anyone else had it (it would've helped him diagnose me at that time.) My mother actually got angry and said, "of course no one in our family has that!" Nearly three years went by and when I was nearly 21, I had a major psychotic episode brought on by extreme mania. Then, the same pdoc said, "you are bp without a doubt." When I was explaining what the pdoc said to my parents, my mother told me that her mother had died in a mental institution, when I had been told it was a nursing home. Technically, she was dxed schizophrenic, but at that time EVERYONE with any sort of mental problem was called schizophrenic.

Now, I love my mom and since she is now dead, I really can't speak ill of her. And furthermore, she was an intelligent woman who attended medical school at one time. Even so, her pride got in the way of me getting help sooner.

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

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Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 7:29pm

Unfortunately her reaction is not all that uncommon.