he's coming back
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| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:05am |
hi there,
i've written in the past about my situation- dating someone with bipolar.
my exboyfriend and i have been dating on and off. we had a great rekindle/romance when we were in key west.
after living in tampa for a year, he felt he'd be better in pittsburgh where he was originally from. he could hunt, clear his mind and make some money before he'd go to china.
we kept in touch via email/post and phone. i was skeptical, but supportive. he'd say things like i was the one and he wanted to marry me. i kept telling him these were words and if he truly loved/cared for me he would not have done vicious things in the past. (namely, saying he had an std, didn't tell me what it was and made me feel bad about asking for info).
well i received hpv back in august. when i did my pap last month- i was clear.
this also brings morre anger for me because i've been healthy, trying to take care of myself and improve.
he told me in november he moved in with a girl and tried to have a relationship with her. i was devastated. because she didn't want to deal with him and threw him out, he was whining to me. this was horrible to me.
he thought there was nothing wrong with that.
point is, he has three personalities. i never know when i'll get balance from him and it's just a nightmaire/rollercoaster of emotions. he hurts me so much and i can't deal with it. it upsets me because i have tried to work with him and trust him so we could have a good relationship. i would have been fine just being friends after key west because he was leaving. the fact that he said all these things about marrying me and then back and forth with a relationship-
now he has decided to come back to florida and i'm a mixture of upset and frustrated.
i go to school, work two jobs and have friends outside of our workplace.
oh yes- he is not only moving back here, but working with me again.
i can only keep myself busy for so long and be around different people to get him out of my mind.
please help,
stacy

yes- i feel that way strongly.
i'm old enough to realize that i don't need another man or to keep myself busy to move on. i just know it's not healthy or fair.
i think what frustrates me is that he is in my enviornment again and i have to deal with him on a "professional" level.
his personality- he manipulates and he will bring other people involved or because he's there- people will ask or question.
it puts me in a situation where i cant be myself and that makes me upset.
thank you
Stacy,
After reading your posts, I am at a loss as to what to say. My best advice is to stay as clear from him as humanly possible. Keep any and all contact with him strictly professional. If he wants to involve other people and they ask questions, just tell them it didn't work out and that the two of you are strictly business partners and that is all. I realize this is probably easier said than done, but worth a try. The bottom line is it's not worth your mental health to get caught up in this frenzy again to play his games. And to be honest, that is what it sounds like. More than mental illness, it sounds like game playing. I could be very off base, but based on what I read that's what I'm seeing. Either way, you deserve to be treated better. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Hugs,
Traci
hi traci-
it's true, a lot of games. he'll text me and sometimes i fall the bait. i hate it. i just dont want him here. i've been trying to keep cool, but i'm frustrated. if my other friends are not there for me when i need them, i get aggravated. they dont seem to understand what i've been through. they think i can just eat m and m's, watch a movie and call it a night.
i'm not scared, just annoyed right now. don't want to deal with anyone who knows either of us or the situation. i would love to move, but i'm in school and dont have the funds.
he should be in florida monday. i want to keep busy and stay away from everyone at work.
people will think it's unfair, but i dont care. i dont want him here.
i'm at a point in my life where i want to be with someone forever and share everything. he made it seem that it would be that way. i learned my lesson, but i'm angry. i'm really angry.
thank you. everyday i just try to find ways to calm down.
stacy
hey-
he came back two weeks ago. i wasn't sure what to expect. just to deal with it. he kept me posted with phonecalls on his drive down to florida. he came into work for lunch and hugged me right away. i was still. just not prepared. i had nothing to say to him. i knew he probably wanted to talk to everyone at work. he had a drink at the bar and left with a friend.
he didn't call. i guess i was ok because i really didn't know what to say.
next day he tried to talk with me at work. i just didn't know what to say or expect.
i just remember working with him being so hard. he'd purposely flirt with girls to get me jealous. and i just kept thinking about his affair with that girl in pittsburgh he worked with.
well, i went out with friends. didn't feel like drinking. cops were hanging outside of the bar waiting for drivers. (my friend told me). i was arrested for a d.u.i.
i was devasted. i never did anything bad in my life and never had a bad record. not even a speeding ticket. i have a lawyer and will fight it.
so 4 days pass. i had so much stress, dave was not even in my head. he hung out with my roommate and came over to my house. he spent the night and held me, but nothing.
a couple days later after work he washed my car. he said i had every right to be mad and that we should talk.
i've been so mad with him and angry with my situation with the d.u.i.
well, yesterday i went crazy. wrote him a million texts about how upset i am with him.
i pushed him really too far.
i saw him at work and he said we needed to talk.
i dont know why i'm not ready to talk. the anger is gone, but i just dont know how i see him anymore or what purpose he has in my life.
i dont want a boyfriend. i just want to concentrate on school and a better life.
i'm 33. i have also decided to be off the pill. i've been on it for 10 yrs and i hate it. i really want children. i just feel i should focus on stabilizing my life so i can prepare for the future.
i have a string of men i keep as friends and possibilities, but i'm just not ready.
my feelings are disappearing for dave, but somehow along the way i have learned his personality and episodes. i dont know everything and can't help him with everything, but i still want to be a friend if he is absolutely in need.
i told him i wont tolerate him being manipulative. i pointed out his highs and lows and said i wont talk with him he's sober and attentive. i'm not obligated and we just work together.
i know those feelings of us married and being together will pass because he will do things that hurt and trigger me to pull away completely.
stacy
i guess