refusing meds so why go to 1st Pdoc?
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| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:58pm |
I use no form of birth control. We were TTC, then not actively TTC but not using prevention either, and we're just 'letting nature take its course' with no B/C. We plan on actively TTC again (by timing and temping) next year if it doesn't 'just happen on its own' by then.
SO-
I have my FIRST Pdoc appointment on 2/28. They're going to want to put me on medications. I am 'suppose' to be going for 'medication monitoring' for the seroquel my PCP prescribed me. Since you're not suppose to get pregnant on Seroquel I DON'T take it.
I had quit taking the Lexapro 20mg, but I became intolerable, so I had to start taking it again to preserve my family and myself. I had consulted a couple different doctors -during the 8wks I was pregnant last year before I MC'ed- who said to keep taking it throughout pregnancy. (I still wish I could come off of it to TTC and through the -hopeful- pregancy.) I was completely off all medications during the 2 months I was pregnant, so I didn't have the medication to blame for the miscarriage.
The end point is - if I have no meds to be monitored, whats the point? Its not like they're a therapist and going to sit and talk. I know I need to get diagnosed...I guess...
I'm starting to wonder though, if I really have Bipolar. I mean, I am actually feeling pretty good. I'm not sleeping 14hrs, I'm feeling clear and intelligent, I am on top of my game again- like I have these things listed out to accomplish and making super progress. I am a bit easily irritated but I am able to keep myself undercontrol, I have alot of self control. I'm distracted I suppose, but able to get back to goals. I'm determined to get all these piles of ironning done! I've gotten the WHOLE HOUSE CLEANED! I still need to do the REAL CLEANING though, like washing the window sills and washing the baseboards around the walls. I can't believe how dirty they look! I also plan on cleaning out all the closets! I've already cleaned and organized the garage. OOH I also got my hair cut, and am thinking of getting a spiral perm. I WANT to get some of those super diet pills, but then I keep putting them back because there's always the chance of conceiving and I cant have that stuff in my body if I get pregnant. Of course getting pregnant is highly unlikely, I have never used BC and only ended up pregnant ONE time which ended with a miscarriage so I am fairly certain that I'm infertile. Who knows, maybe its for the best, having a baby would be a big change. I need to go outside and rake the leaves up and put up the christmas lights. I can't believe they're still on the shrubs. I was just soooo unable to do anything that whole time. I hope things stay like this, where I'm feeling .. well, just really capable and goal oriented!

Hey there...I hope I'm not being a killjoy, cuz I so don't want to be...but hon, you sound hypomanic right now. I've been away, so I don't know if you remember me or not...I used to PRAY for mania...used to get those SAME super diet pills and take them religiously because they made me manic...I know what its like. I too cut my hair on impulse MILLIONS of times...I colored it over and over...I cleaned like there was no tomorrow...I did other things we won't go into here...I thought I was SUPER smart and had it ALL together. Little did I know.
Just be careful of the mania...it will fool you into thinking you're just peachy, and then pull the rug out from under you.
Hugs,
Keli
Have to agree with Keli, you certainly sound like you could be hypomanic or even manic--the "cleaning bug" is a real common indicator!
What Keli said...I know how thin the line between feeling smart, capable and together and falling apart can be. Smart, capable me has done some really bizarre things. The last time I was a student for example. I'd just come off 2 years as a Catholic school teacher and started studying Physics, Chemistry and Math. I was a straight A student. I never slept and was doing work for 2 separate departments...including running the stockroom/laboratory for the undergrad chem department. I felt like I was just finally living up to my potential. I also slept with 2 profs, 3 grad students, an adjuct instructor and 2 (much younger) undergrads in a few short months. Did I mention I'd just come from being a Catholic school teacher? And there were isolated days that were just astounding. I was completely undiagnosed then and never suspected, but when the depression hit it was really really bad. I still never sought treatment until years later when I was a new mom and realized (after a whole year) that I wasn't doing what my daughter needed or deserved.
If you are ttc I seriously recommend that you go to this appointment and find out how you pdoc will help you manage your pregnancy and post-partum periods. Make sure you can work together because you're going to need it. I posted above under the pregnancy and bipolar thread with more detailed stuff about my pregnancy experiences so far.
Take care of yourself and get this all under control. The goal in this is not to feel "Great" some days, but to feel "right" all the time. That's why you have a pdoc follow you. And be honest about not taking the Seroquel. I have a very conservative pdoc when it comes to meds (too conservative sometimes) and seroquel is the only one he considered leaving me on. I think it's more of an issue with few studies, and only short time records of use rather than anyone knowing it's a bad thing.
HTH
Mary
I don't know, I saw some disturbing things about the newline antipsychotics and birth defects. I will never ever take lithium or depakote, never, whether pregnant or not. There are a few others that would take alot of proof from the pdoc with actual data from multiple scientific studies for me to read personally before I will take much of anything. I got to trusting my previous GP who got me on Lexapro for depression and anxiety, and I started taking it, but he died. I had been on Paxil and he assured me that Lexapro was better than Paxil. After taking it, I totally agreed. Otherwise, it would be down the toilet too.
There are some studies that say the pregnant woman has to take extra vit K and a couple other things in the HOPES of preventing facial deformities in the fetus like a super short blunted nose or close set eyes. The studies I've read had no good information for the longterm information, like if there was mental retardation resulting (alot of times Mental retardation can't be detected until a child is older).
Anyways, its 3:20 AM and I'm still awake. I'm feeling a bit anxious about tomorrow. What will I wear, I know they will take note of my appearance so I want to present myself positively but I dont want to wear 'interview outfits' like a suit or anything TOO obvious. Ugh. I haven't brushed my hair in two days. haha. I'll have to fix my hair and get the curling iron out and put on makeup.
meh, who knows, maybe they'll send me home with a magic pill and the next day I will feel, and BE, completely normal. yay. I'll take my task list of stuff -fatigue, hypersomnia, insomnia, vertigo, etc. and what I want fixed and what my limitations are as far as what I'm willing to do/take and just go from there and see what they can do for me.
Sometimes I think I just should give up on that whole having a baby thing. Now a year after my miscarriage it seems EVERY stupidass woman around is pregnant. Maybe its just not meant to be for me. I'm going to be too old soon anyways. Do I really want to be retired when my kid graduates highschool and dead before my first grandchild is ever even born??? Maybe I'm meant to grow old and die in a dirty smelly nursing home with no family, no kids or grandkids to visit me; someones gotta do it, right? My husbands not all that 'into' having one anyways since he already has a kid that lives with us, so he doesn't have that 'urge' or feel that emptiness. Ah well.
I did a lot of research in the beginning of the pregnancy too, as did my DH, who is an anal retentive, overly intellectual, phd level research mathematician. That would be why I'm currently taking nothing. However, it's all about risk management. What I didn't consider...or rather discounted too much was how I was going to function without any meds during pregnancy. DH and I kept saying "We'll handle it" and we believed it because we did last time. He still believes it. The last couple of days have put some doubts in my head. I expected things like insomnia and hypersomnia, fatigue of mind and body, and serious irritability. As usual I believed I could "suck it up" and get through. But now I'm getting paranoid and that really scares me, because that's where things can go wrong quickly. At least I think paranoid is the right word. Tdoc is out of town or I'd call and ask for a clarification of terms. I hate calling pdoc for that sort of thing. He's kind of the curdmudgeonly type. Anyway, my brain is not working right and I don't trust it right now and I'm starting to be afraid of myself off meds and wondering if I did the risk/benefit analysis correctly on the meds. I think one needs a doctor that CAN do it right and doesn't blow off meds in pregnancy because he's afraid of his liability, and that's what I was trying to say yesterday.
Good luck with your appointment today. I don't think it really matters too much what you're wearing, or how you do your hair. I bet they're concerned about extremes, but not the big range in the middle. I mean don't go in with your hair unwashed and unbrushed (I've started keeping mine very short so I don't have to worry about forgetting to brush it. A crazy pregnant woman herding a 4 year old with behavioral oddities will do that), but don't worry too much about the make up and the suit. I haven't worn makeup more than 1 day in a row in about 15 years. I don't like people to get used to what I'm not willing to give them on a regular basis. Besides when I do wear it DH says something really supportive like "What do you have on your face? There's stuff on your lips." (The best ever was when we went to our anniversary dinner a couple of years ago he said, right in front of his mom, "Eeeeewwww. You smell stinky." I'd broken out my one bottle of expensive perfume. Idiot.) Oh man, am I rambling this morning.
And, don't give up on the idea of a child just because you're feeling bad right now. That's why you're seeing this guy...to help you get really stable so you can do the stuff you want. Once you have the right meds for a period of time you will have a different outlook on lots of things. You might even find out that your DH is more into the child thing than you think. I tend to get really negetive when I'm not taking meds. Right now I'm convinced that DH is looking for a way to leave me, but intellectually I know that's just my brain trying to kill me or some such thing. *heh* I'm 38 and I know what you mean about running out of time. I was exactly where you were when I found out I was pregnant this time. I had just decided I was too old and I didn't want more anyway and besides I was just too nuts for more kids (and what if the next one has "autistic traits" too, or what if the next one has a major birth defect...or ... or ... or) I'd just dug out the paperwork to apply for reentry to the Physics grad program when viola! I'm with child. To be honest I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Of course when I got pregnant I'd just started Seroquel because I'd started having minor psychotic events, so I was not very stable. Oh..and just got the working dx of bipolar.
Anyway...sorry for making this another book...I'm just typing away today for some reason. I love having a laptop in bed when my daughter and husband are out of the house. Of course, this sort of thing goes on. Hope some of it is at least a little helpful...And I hope you have a great appointment today.