What do you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
What do you do?
4
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 3:07pm

What do you do when a bi-polar mother does not take her medication, or go to counseling, and is in denial of her illness? Nothing?

I realize that I can not manage her illness for her nor make her do anything that she doesn't want to do...

Concerned Co-parent

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 5:49pm

This is probably one of the hardest things to deal with and there is no one, or easy answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 5:24pm

Hi Melissa,


Welcome to the board. I have to agree with everything Marci has already said. For me it has been a wild ride. I have bipolar type 2. I was diagnosed 3 years ago. For the majority of that time I was depressed with periods of severe depression and brief periods of mania. Yet I refused to go to the hospital. It was only this past January when I finally couldn't take it anymore and was ready to cash it in that I decided to check myself into a psych hospital. I was only in there for a period of 3 days but it was enough to get me turned around. I've been stable ever since. They adjusted my meds and finally found the right combination and now I'm well for the first time in years. But, it took hitting rock bottom to get me to go.


Marci also related this to a drinking problem and an intervention. My mother is an alcoholic and my sister and I orchestrated an intervention with her. While it didn't work immediately, eventually mom saw what we said was true and she stopped drinking for a while. But hopefully, if you go that route, the intervention will help.


Keep us posted on how you're doing and how you're mom's doing. Post as often as you need/want to. We'd like to get to know you better.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 5:48pm

Well, I, personally...can't do anything about this one way or the other. It's my bf's XW who has the BP. I have no control or say so, obviously, over her. So therefore, there will be no intervention...b/c...I can't do it...I would...but I am not in a position to do so. AND my bf probably won't do anything about it either. So that just leaves her to do whatever she wants. I worry about their son...he is 4.5 years old. His b.d. is tomorrow. I won't go into all of her issues right now..but just know that she is not well and it is obvious to everyone, but her... I also suspect that their child is BP/ADD. Either that or ADD. He acts a lot like his mother as far as symptoms of BP/ADD go...he can't sit still for even 2 minutes...talks fast & randomly all the time...get's 'depressed' and restless and just lays around...can't focus or concentrate AT ALL...at school or at home...throws garguantuan temper tantrums..doesn't look at anyone when they are talking to you...and has selective hearing...can't calm himself down after he gets himself all worked up...and has panic attacks...

But the problem w/all of that is...his father/mother won't acknowlege, or even consider all of this...b/c they don't want to 'label' their son and they definately don't want him 'pumped full of drugs'... so needless to say, i have to sit back and watch her suffer w/her BP and how it affects/impacts everyone's life that she comes in contact with...their son and his health issues (whatever they may be, he hasn't ever been diagnosed by a doctor and i susupect he never will be b/c his parents are in denial of his condiditon(s)..) and they won't get him tested for anything...that would be admitting that there was a problem in the first place...and they definately don't want to do that either...

so...i guess..there's really no where to go from here...

the XW has her medical records/file that state clearly her diagnosis as BP...the fact that she went to a psycihiatric facility...was on suicide watch...and was unable to see her child either...AND She Still Denies It b/c she says that if she can't remember it, then it didn't happen...etc etc she won't stay on her meds b/c she says that they make her fat and she doesn't like how they make her feel b/c it takes the 'mania' out and she likes that...she is chronically late for Everything...always......she won't go to her counselors anymore b/c she doesn't like what they tell her...etc etc

I feel badly that i can do nothing to help her...(I"m sure she doesn't want nor would welcome any help from me anyways) (we don't get along)... but you can only help those that choose to help themselves right?

Any other ideas or suggestions? I've approached my bf regarding the fact that i believe his son has ADD and he did not like it in the least...and that's putting it mildly and nicely at that....fyi

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 8:57pm

You are kind of between a rock and a hard place.