I think my DH has BP...HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
I think my DH has BP...HELP!
19
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 6:15pm

I think my DH might be BP and I have noticed his symptoms getting increasingly stronger over the last year or so. I'm hoping that by me writing a few of the things he's been doing here, someone might be able to help me confirm my suspicions. My DH has always been somewhat absent minded (kind of hard to believe seeing that he's a pilot), thank GOD for checklists. Anyway, I never really thought too much about it and we always used to joke that he had ADD or BP but now I think he really does have one or the other. BTW, my DH is 45 and he recently stopped drinking alcohol. I honestly think that part of the reason he quit was

Here's what I've been noticing... We will have a conversation together about something (bills or something regarding our business) and within days he will forget what we talked about. His spending is completely wacky, he will just buy anything whether we have the $ for it or not. He definately has manic highs and lows. During a high he has all kinds of energy and is extremely happy. I'm certainly not complaining at all about that, it's just that I know that eventually his "up" mood will eventually turn into him flipping out about something very small where he will get so angry that he throws things and basically acts like a child having a temper tantrum. In addition he says the most hurtful and hateful things I've ever heard come out of a persons mouth. Afterwards, he is remorseful and apologizes but dealing with him while he's in that state is becoming increasingly difficult. His latest thing (within the last 4-6 months) is that while he is in his "low mood", it's as if he goes into a paranoid state. He either thinks that I am lying to him about something or I am trying to steal money out of our account. It is incredibly frustrating and it makes me very angry. Again, after he gets through his "spell" he apologizes and feels bad for accusing me of such incredibly unbelievable stuff and tells me he just starts feeling like I am against him or out to get him and he doesnt know why he starts feeling that way.

If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 6:36pm

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

None of us here are docs, and only a doctor, prefarably a psychiatrist, can correctly dx bp. But to me, it sounds like your hubby might have it- he has many of the classic symptoms. Other folks can correct me on this, but I think paranoia is something more associated with mania than with depression- still your hubby might be a type III bp, which means that he has many more highs than lows.

Your best bet at this point is to look for a pdoc and see if you can convince your DH to go in for an appointment where they will do an evaluation. I wish you luck on that, because some people with mental illnesses are reluctant to ask for help or admit they have a problem.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 11:39pm

Hi there,


I would try to catch him in a "level" mood or as near to level as possible and explain to him your concerns. Ask him to make an appointment with a psychiatrist (pdoc) or a therapist (tdoc) and see what they have to say. The signs are there, however, it could be something entirely different. Only a pdoc or tdoc can diagnose bp unfortunately. Our other CL, Marci, has links to more informative and local support groups. I'm sure when she sees your post she will post these sites for you. I can only imagine what you are going through. I know what I have put my family through with my bp and the one thing that I still have a hard time with is the fact that I passed it down to my eldest dd. She is still unstable and is rapid cycling, which if your dh is bp is what it sounds like. I didn't have any memory problems until after I started meds, but don't let that discourage you or your dh from getting help. Not all meds have that effect on people. No two people are the same and therefore meds will react differently with everyone. I went through every combination possible until they finally found, as a last resort, the one combination that actually worked. It can be a time consuming process to find the right med(s), but if you're lucky you won't have that problem. But the key here is to get DH to go see a pdoc or a tdoc as soon as possible so he can be properly diagnosed and put on meds.


We're here for you anytime you need us. Post as often as you want/need. We look forward to getting to know you and are glad you found this board.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 11:46pm

I agree with

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 3:25pm

Thanks so much to those of you who responded to my post. I was re-reading my original post and I realized that I didn't finish one of my sentences about my DH quitting drinking (I was at work and rushing). Anyway, I think that part of the reason he stopped drinking was because he thought that alcohol was the reason he was having so many problems remembering things.

All of this is very frustrating because currently we are in the process of getting him a C-pap for his sleep apnea. Some of the symptoms he is having could be due to his lack of oxygen while he's sleeping. He was diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea and March 27th he's going back in to be fitted for his C-pap machine to help with his sleep. I was hoping that once his sleep apnea is under control it might help some of his other problems.

I'm not sure if he would be willing to take medication because as I said, he is a pilot and if he has anything like this on his record, he might not be able to fly. Yesterday (after one of his FITS) he left the house and I printed up all the symptoms of BP and left them on the table for him to read while I was at work. I know he read through what I left for him but he didn't bring it up when I got home.

At this point I think I'm going to wait and see if the C-pap helps. If not, we'll definately start looking at the BP. Again, thanks so much for your advice and I will certainly be back to let you all know how things are going. The support helps because I don't feel so alone in all this.

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 9:21pm

J,


Sleep apnea can affect his memory BIG time, as can any kind of sleep disturbance--which is unfortunately common with both the mania & depression and it can also make his mood swings worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:50pm

Hi J,


I'm the school bus driver Marci was referring to in her last post. I was diagnosed 2 to 3 years ago with bipolar and have been on meds for depression/bipolar for the past 7 years. I've been driving a school bus for 6 of those 7 years with a spotless record. Now, up until this past January I really struggled with my bipolar. No matter how hard my pdoc and tdoc worked with me, the meds just weren't working. I was depressed and finally hit bottom in late December, to the point where my tdoc took me to the ER the day after Christmas. It was within one to two weeks after that that I checked myself into a psych ward. It was all that was left to do. Through all this I was able to do my job and do it without incident. Nobody at my job was the wiser, as I seldom see my supervisors. They're in their offices and I'm out on the roads. I'm not saying it was a good idea that I drove in that state, but I did and didn't have any problems thank God.


Fast forward to about 1 week ago I get called into my supervisors office to sign my evaluation. The evaluation was good, as all of my evaluations have been the entire time I've been driving. Then my supervisor and area supervisor haul me into the conference room to "have a talk" with me. Someone turned me in for being on anti-depressants and they wigged out over it. So I had to go see a workers comp doctor to get cleared to drive and to my dismay she didn't clear me because of the extensive list of meds that I'm on. I now have to go to a psychologist to have psychometric testing done which is nothing more than an aptitude/ability test to check my reaction time to ensure that these meds I'm on aren't too sedating.


I'm going to check with my lawyer to make sure what they're doing is legal because there are laws on the books regarding people with disabilities and employers. I'm going to jump through their little hoops, but if I find out that my employer is over the line on this one you better believe I'll have their butts.


So, I would definitely check into the rules and regs of the airline that your dh files for. I would have to agree with Marci that flying while medicated is a lot safer than flying while non-medicated. I could tell you some thoughts that ran through my mind while I was behind the wheel of my bus when my meds were out of whack and when I just plain wasn't on them. There were times that I stopped taking them because I gave up hope that they would ever work. Now that I'm stable I no longer have the "bad" thoughts, my head is clear and I feel I'm doing a better job now than I did for the first 5 years I was driving. So that's something to look forward to. He will feel much better when he gets on the right meds. And like I said, there are laws that protect people with disabilities. We just have to do some digging because the employers think we'll just roll over and take it, not giving us credit for having a functioning brain because we have a mental illness.


I don't tell you all this to scare you into not getting help for your dh. I believe that people with bp need to get the help that they need to be functional. I just got screwed by the system and now I have to jump through hoops to get back to where I was. And hopefully my lawyer will be able to point me in the right direction as to what, if anything, I'm entitled to for lost pay, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 8:46am
I could've written all that you did...the examples would be different, but the principal the same. After many years of the up and down behaviours, I am finally convinced that my husband is BP. He was a fetal-alcohol baby and a heavy drug user for most of his life. We have 2 children. This last cycle (of which we are coming near the end of) has really opened my eyes. My husband starts out being distant, retreating to his only somewhat acceptable addiction of online poker. He gets out of hand with that, loses alot of money and has to deal with the consequences of being disappointed in himself, with me, etc. Then, he distances himself further to where all he does is lay on the couch and watch TV, seemingly tuning out all questions, conversations, etc. He, too, forgets conversations that we had and acts like it is totally the first time he ever heard what we are talking about. Then, he starts getting really agitated with our son...intermittently snapping at him and ignoring him. He just completely ignores our 14 yr. old daughter. This goes on for anywhere from a week to 2 weeks. Then, the paranoia sets in and he thinks that everything I do, and everything me daughter does is somehow out to aggravate, disrespect, and make his life terrible. He particularly hones in on my daughter at this point, and our relationship (which , although is a typical mother/teen relationship, quite fun and good). That is what happened last night. He went to bed at 9:30, being so tired he couldn't stay awake (he slept til 11:00 that morning) and my daughter and I were watching a show that was hysterical. He woke up to get a drink around 10 and we called for him to come in the room. He snapped at us when we called his name so we said forget it. Well, all this morning Im listening to him tell me that WE woke him up on purpose (with our laughing) and then we were disrespectful of him and how can I fight with my daughter all day but at night she's nice to me so she can get what she wants. Whatever that means. He gets very hateful towards her at these times. He walked right by her this morning as she was leaving for the bus and she said...yeah, goodbye dad. He wasn't even going to say goodbye. This stress of having to overcompensate for his moods has made me feel exhausted, overstressed, unappreciated- I feel sickly all the time and just had enough. He gets to go thru all his moods, and I know I'm coming to the end and in a few days he will be fun and funny and just great. I'm sorry Im rambling on and on...many of you know that I could write a book!!! It just feels good to get it out. Thanks!
P.S.- he has been prescribed Wellbutrin for depression, but rarely remembers to take it on a regular basis.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:59pm

I am in aviation maintenance myself and I would urge the both of you to be cautious. As several people have pointed out, so many jobs allow diabetics, heart diseased, you name it people working in them, but mention mental/emotional disorder and OMG your going to kill someone, your meds will cause problems. None of my employers have known I am bp and I have no intentions of telling any of them. I have a secret security clearance also and refuse to tell those people about my condition either as I would probably lose my clearance. I know I am not a security threat (and I am stable right now so I am not speaking from a manic induced invincibility)....having served in the military and had the good fortune to live in the U.S my whole life I would tell anyone who tried to induce me toflip or sell state secrets to go stuff it.

That being said, this dx could cause problems with DH's employer, but he is better off WITH meds (trust me, I struggled through 32 yrs with OUT meds) and having to change careers than with out meds. I know, easy for me to say, especially since I told an oncologist to go stuff it when he told me I needed to change careers to avoid more melanoma. I have actually wound up changing how I worked, I have a desk job now vs working outside on the flight line so things worked out in the end. If your DH can start working toward something now and keep his meds relatively quiet that would be a game plan....but I know he has to have a physical every so often to keep his flight status/pilots license.

Good luck and keep us posted,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:02pm

TX, you seem to get it as far as a pilot having a record of mental illness. While I agree w/what many are saying as far as my DH taking meds for BP would make him a lot more capable of flying a plane than without them...I know that if it was a choice for my DH to either continue flying or start taking meds (for whatever problems he has) he would choose flying!

At this point we are going to wait and see how he reacts to his C-pap. I'm crossing my fingers that it helps him because I don't know how much more of this I can take. His latest was a MAJOR screw up in depositing some checks into the wrong accounts which threw our business and personal checking into a MAJOR over draft situation which took me days to clear up with the bank.

I am trying my hardest to stay calm and patient but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to do so. If anyone has any helpful hints on how to keep your cool while dealing with someone with BP, I'd love some advice! Between him keeping me up all night with his snoring and the blunders that happen during his waking hrs., I'm about ready to go off the deep end!

Again, thanks to all who have posted with your thoughts on this matter. I truly appreciate everything everyone has said.

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 8:42am

I have been around the aviation industry for almost 20 yr now and know that the bosses are a paranoid bunch....you can't really blame them though, something goes wrong at 20,000 ft, you can't just pull the plane over on a cloud and park it. I know the maintenance side of the house has one of the highest divorce rates of all the professions, mostly due to the pressures we keep ourselves under and are kept under and the hrs required by the bosses.

Hopefully my DW will have a chance to drop in here and give you some pointers on how to deal with a bp spouse....she has almost 18 yrs experience. LOL. It may not be until next week due to spring break, appt's, and trips this weekend.

tk

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