I think my DH has BP...HELP!
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 03-10-2007 - 6:15pm |
I think my DH might be BP and I have noticed his symptoms getting increasingly stronger over the last year or so. I'm hoping that by me writing a few of the things he's been doing here, someone might be able to help me confirm my suspicions. My DH has always been somewhat absent minded (kind of hard to believe seeing that he's a pilot), thank GOD for checklists. Anyway, I never really thought too much about it and we always used to joke that he had ADD or BP but now I think he really does have one or the other. BTW, my DH is 45 and he recently stopped drinking alcohol. I honestly think that part of the reason he quit was
Here's what I've been noticing... We will have a conversation together about something (bills or something regarding our business) and within days he will forget what we talked about. His spending is completely wacky, he will just buy anything whether we have the $ for it or not. He definately has manic highs and lows. During a high he has all kinds of energy and is extremely happy. I'm certainly not complaining at all about that, it's just that I know that eventually his "up" mood will eventually turn into him flipping out about something very small where he will get so angry that he throws things and basically acts like a child having a temper tantrum. In addition he says the most hurtful and hateful things I've ever heard come out of a persons mouth. Afterwards, he is remorseful and apologizes but dealing with him while he's in that state is becoming increasingly difficult. His latest thing (within the last 4-6 months) is that while he is in his "low mood", it's as if he goes into a paranoid state. He either thinks that I am lying to him about something or I am trying to steal money out of our account. It is incredibly frustrating and it makes me very angry. Again, after he gets through his "spell" he apologizes and feels bad for accusing me of such incredibly unbelievable stuff and tells me he just starts feeling like I am against him or out to get him and he doesnt know why he starts feeling that way.
If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.

Pages
LOL tk...at this rate I hope we make it to 18 yrs!!!(just kidding). Yes, I'd love to hear from your DW about how she copes.
J
First a little history. DH is EOBP (early onset bipolar) which means he has been BP since childhood. He was self dx'd about 8 yrs ago when our DS was also dx'd and he realized that he had many of the same symptoms as a child. He went completely unmedicated until about 6 months ago. He has been able to keep a job, was in the military for 4 yrs. and we have stayed married for almost 18 yrs. so he has been able to control himself to some degree.
Anyway tips to cope. First if he will agree to it take over the money, bills, checks etc. to keep things like overdrafts or late payments from happening. You also have to grow a very THICK SKIN and not let his actions get to you. IF he gets really angry just let him be for awhile. I learned with DH that when he got in his angry/frustrated moods that it was just best to let him be until he calmed down. I did fear more times then I can count that he was going to either kill himself or hurt himself very badly. Not that he would commit suicide but that his anger would get the best of him and he would do something stupid without thinking about concequences. If he has depressed episodes just try to give him as much support as possible. By support I mean whatever it is that makes him feel secure whether it be hugs, talking, or whatever to let him know you are there and care about what he is going through. If you are not sure what that is I would recoomend a book that has helped DH and I understand eachother better. That book is "The 5 Languages of Love". It helps by letting you know what your/his love language is which in turn helps you know what you/he needs to feel secure.
I hope this helped.
If you have any questions you can post them here or email me or my DH through our profiles. We will be gone from this afternoon until Monday afternoon so don't worry if we don't get back to you right away. We aren't ignoring you we just won't be around.
Brenda
Speaking as a wife whose husband is both bp type 2 (more lows than highs, and hets hypomanic instead of fullblown mania) and has sleep apnea, I am pretty sure that your dh's symptoms are not the result of sleep apnea. My dh was diagnosed with sleep apnea a year after we were married, and I couldn't tell any difference in the bp after he started using a C-PAP. I agree with the others on this board--it sounds like your dh has all the classic symptoms of bp, but only a pdoc can diagnose it for sure.
Phyllis
Hi Phylis...
Thanks for your response. I guess I'm not too excited to hear that the C-pap isn't going to be of help to my DH's mood swings/BP, time will tell. He will have the C-pap by the end of this month so we should have a pretty good idea of how he'll react to it. I told my DH about this board and he may come on and ask some questions himself. He was very interested when I told him about your DH being an aviation mechanic, also having BP.
J
J,
I think you have me confused with someone else on the board; my dh, who does have bp, is not an avaiation mechanic--he is a sexton at a church. He has not told his boss, the minister, about his bp because the minister used to be married to a bp and rolled his eyes when he told my dh about it, which indicated to dh that the minister either didn't have any patience with bp or didn't know enough to know how to cope with it.
My dh is bp type 2 which is mostly bouts of severe depression, but he has gone into periods of hypomania (not quite as bad as full blown mania). He has only had one severely depressed episode since we've been married 6 years ago which caused him to lose his job; he had stopped taking his meds. He had a bad experience on new meds but once he got back on his old meds, he leveled out.
Topamax for bipolar is an offlabel use; it is an anti-seizure drug. But it's worked for him. He is also on Wellbutrin XL for depression which bp's shouldn't take by itself because it makes them worse.
Phyllis
explife....that would be me....I am the aviation mechanic. Don't worry, I get confused running through these threads myself. He can contact me by e-mail through my profile if he has questions.
tk
Hi Brenda,
Sorry for the delay in getting back to your post but I was in a car accident last Friday (a kid rear ended me) so I've been dealing with all that goes along with that. I truly appreciate your words of wisdom ways to deal with my DH during his outbursts. In the beginning I would get angry myself instead of trying to help him move through his moment of anger and frustration but I'm learning a bit more in how to deal with him.
Next week he gets his C-pap. Thank God because he will be picking up another account for our business, meaning he will be on the road longer hrs. Without the C-pap I would only worry about him falling asleep behind the wheel.
I will look for the book you spoke of and cross my fingers we see a difference w/the C-pap.
J
I also wanted to say that I used to take DH's moods personally and thought it was something I had done wrong. I have learned that this is not so and his moods are usually because of BP and I can handle them better now.
Brenda
Brenda,
I'm slowly but surely learning to stop taking my DH's mood swings personally. I wish I had realized that he had a medical problem a long time ago. It might have saved me from feeling so hurt and confused whenever he was having one of his lows. I know it might have eliminated some very big arguments we've had over the cource of the last 7 yrs. It's just that I have never been with anyone who had such a problem, so I didn't put it all together until recently.
Just last night he went into one of his "moods" and I was very proud of how I handled the situation. Firstly, I'm beginning to target when he'll go into one of his low periods. If he is very tired, that is definately one of his triggers. For the last couple weeks he's been working a lot of overtime and I've almost been waiting for him to have one of his moods swings. Up until last night he had been full of energy and in a fantastic mood...then when he got home from work last night, I could tell as soon as I saw him that he was in one of his funks. Now that I'm more aware of this, I can actually see a difference in his physical appearance (not just his attitude). His eyes literally look different, very dark and almost hateful. I knew it wasn't going to be a "fun night" and I also knew that he was just looking for ANYTHING to get mad at so he could blow up and release whatever it is that resides in their heads during those moments. I made up my mind I wasn't going to give him any reason to become upset. After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen (while he sat in front of the TV...stewing) and I went into the other room to read. Later that night I went into the living room, gave him a hug and asked if he was o.k. The look in his eyes was so scary, I can't even explain it and I also noticed that one of his eyes was very bloodshot. He grumbled something and I just went to bed. When he woke up in the morning he complained that he had a headache and I wonder if his headache had anything to do with his mood swing from the night before. Anyway, we didn't actually have an argument because I wouldn't let it go that way but I am very concerned after stepping back and watching him with a completely different perspective on what was happening. Before I would have asked him why he was in such a nasty mood and we would have ended up in a fight... hmmm???
Pages