Out of the Closet.....
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| Mon, 03-12-2007 - 4:27pm |
Hi everyone! I was very recently diagnosed as "bi-polar 2",& was wondering...Have any of
you had trouble telling your friends/family? I have only told my parents & DH, but have
noticed that even they seem to be treating me differently. (Not that I am complaining,
since they are all being super nice,esp.DH) I guess I just don't want to be seen as
the "crazy lady", that everyone has to handle with kid gloves. I am afaid to tell any of
the other "moms" at my son's school, for fear that they may not let their kids come over
to play at our home anymore,or that they won't want my friendship(or accquaintanceship, I
guess) My own Mom is bi-polar, and was not medicated for any of my childhood, so I do
know firsthand how other people can judge you as being "unstable", and therefore unfit to
socialize with. Anyway, if anybody feels comfortable sharing their experiences, I would
love to hear your story of how you came out of the "bi-polar closet", as it were....There
seems to be such a stigma associated with this illness...it reminds me of someone
publically announcing that they are gay, and then dealing with the social repercussions
over something that they(argueably) were born with, and have little/no control over.
Thanks for reading, please respond(if you want) & have a wonderful day.

I don't see a particular reason to tell most people, especially mere acquaintances. DH knows, of course. I've also told one of my sisters and my father. Both of whom probably need to be assessed themselves. Then I told one friend, whose children I took care of relatively frequently. DH handles it well on some days and like an ass others. My father keeps telling me that no matter what they call it no one can solve it but me and I need to "suck it up" and take care of myself. Thanks dad that's how I got to age 37 by way of 20 + different jobs and no career in spite of 2 bachelor's degrees, and a half finished master's. My sister thinks I'm getting to be like my father. My friend won't let me be alone with her children anymore. She's also really down on me about how irresponsible it was for me to have a second child when I could pass bipolar on to him. So, I don't tell other people unless I have to. That isn't to say I have no support network. I have another close friend that only became close after I started being treated for major depression. DH is generally pretty helpful and I have a good email relationship with an old friend who suffers from depression and whose wife is bipolar. Maybe some day when I finally get all the medications worked out and I feel stable all the time and both my kids are in school I'll want to go out and save all us bipolar folks from stigma and discrimination. Right now I'm pretty all right with the closet.
Mary
Welcome to the board, I'm glad you found us!
Who you tell and when is a very personal decision!
I have told my closest friends and of course DW knows as does DS (considering his dx was what led me to self dx). Both sets of grandparents know DS is bp and my mother knows I am bp and believes she is as well. I use myself as an example to DS as I have struggled through 32 yrs un-medicated. I did alright, thankfully don't/didn't have the job carousel or relationship carousel that is so prevalent with bp, but I have a more "mild" form of this wonderful disorder. It was kind of interesting when I told my friends, all three of them said something along the lines of "that explains allot"....they all accepted me as I was though and that is probably why my three closest longterm friends I have known since 3rd grade, 6th grade, and 12th grade....I just passed my 20 yr class reunion....do the math. I don't make REAL friends easily and have an even harder time keeping them.
I don't hide it, but I don't just walk up and say "Hi, I am so and so and I have bp", but when people start being judgemental I do tend to say "Hey, I am bp and have done alright". I can't really advise you, it is a very personal decision on how to handle reveiling your disorder to people.
Good luck,
tk
That is a tough one. DH and I only told my mom, and no one else til I had my first manic episode, and then we had no choice but to tell the rest of the family. After that, the rest of the family- excluding my twin sister(of who since has also been dx'd with BP) all treat me differently now. All but one set of siblings leave their kids alone with me now, and that really hurts.
We only shared it with our family- however, my SIL, DH's sister, blabbed it out. When we lived in a rural community when I was first dx'd, she was just awful. We moved out of that community because the rumors, the way people treated me (no one would speak to me, were very rude, the preschool teacher was rude to the boys at school, etc.), and the school system was crap anyway- so we decided to move away. We have never looked back.
Sometimes it is just how much one can tolerate a situation and how thick their skin is. My skin is not that thick, and I am not one who can tolerate that kind of stuff. You need to ask yourself how well is your self-esteem? How important is it to you and the person you are sharing the information with and the relationship? Etc. Weigh the options.
Hang in there.
J
I was also recently diagnosed back in January after an "episode"- I've told 2 friends- my boss and my parents and of course my SO...everyone always knew there was "something" different about me and I researched different mental illnesses and I thought my behavior pretty much matched BP. Anyway everyone just keeps saying that it's not BP that I'm fine and everyone has those feelings...blah blah blah. Yeah well I tell them they don't live in my head. They don't feel what I feel. I haven't had any negative feedback but I have been joked with about being crazy, I just blow those comments off. It's not worth giving the real explanation so let them live their lives being uneducated.
I just started therapy and I take 200mg of Lamictal and have switched to Seroquel from Trazadone 100mg- I feel a little better but I still have my moments. I hope somehow I can figure out how to get this all under control...
Good Luck!!
Princess*
I think its hilarious when people say something like "oh that's just crazy" or "oh you're so funny, you're so crazy!" just as normal conversation stuff then they get that "gasp" look on their faces like they just said a racial slur at you or something because they used the word 'crazy'. LMAO I've noticed that a few times since I was Dx'ed, one person was my professor. I had to disclose my Dx due to my attendance issues and my last leave of abscence. They have never been discriminatory at all. Just that regular conversation when you see that they don't even think about my dx and say something like "dang that chick over there is just plain crazy, get that girl some seroquel" ...then the person that said it gets reaaaaal quiet and gets that 'deer in the headlights omg what have I said' look on their face. Of course I didn't/don't take it personal, it's no different than before I was Dx. On Feb 28th 2007 when I was Dx Bipolar, it didn't change ME, I OBVIOUSLY have been BP since I was a teenager, just didn't have the label. LMAO
Its funny.
My MIL unfortunately knows. She pretty much drug it out of me. I worry about her knowing mainly because she's such a gossip. I know she is obsessed with keeping in touch with my husbands EX and she's encouraged the EX to push for more visitation with my stepdaughter, so it scares me that she's going to blabber my private business. KWIM? I wish I could take back having told her. Not only that, but now the MIL sort of treats me like I'm real fragile or something because of the anxiety issues and the BP issues- I don't do the "BP rages" I get really nervous, scared, and cry. I tend to throw up when I cry, if I do the sobbing stuff, so I try REALLY HARD not to get that upset. I had got upset and sobbed/puked while at the Inlaws house once on Thanksgiving because I answered my cellphone and while at their house I found out my biodad was REAL sick, needing a transplant that he could die before getting a transplant, so I cried and puked. Now they're all trying to make sure I have no stress. That's great, but then it also makes me feel a little wierd too.
I am planning on TTC at the end of the year. When I do, I am suppose to have high supervision by my Pdoc and OBGYN and have as little stress as possible, not working outside the house and not going to school and not having contact with stressful people (aka my mother) during my pregnancy. They think my body is hypersensitive to stress and I have severe physical psychophysiological symptoms, which they think may have contributed to lowered fertility and to the miscarriage I had in 2006.
oh Im babbling. sorry!
I needed to know this why??? Well my step-sister called her and told her I might want to know...my step-sister dated this guy even AFTER she knew what he did to me...some people need meds worse than I do.
And the last time I seen the guy he came up to me in a club and asked me about my SS and told me that that night I was hot and his d*ck was hard right then just thinking about it.(the rape!- he and 2 other guys held me down and raped me when I was 19- I'm 35 now)
I ended up in the emergency room 3 times and had an abortion over the situation.
Um, ok sicko- I just walked away...but of course it always helps your therapy progress if people tell you relevent information like that huh?
I know I know- no unfortunately I'm not adopted. :)
Who to tell and who not to tell is a trcky business, as others oon this board have attested. There is still such a stigma attached to mental illness. When I first married my dh 6 years ago, we didn't tell anyone about his bp--only his family and one or two out of state friends knew. Last spring he went into a major depressive episode and lost his job, and we couldn't keep it quiet anymore because everyone (church family and friends) wanted to know what had happened. We told the necessary people and got a lot of support. Now, however, he has another job and doesn't dare tell his boss because his boss (a minister, no less) revealed to dh that his first wife was bp (and he rolled his eyes when he said it). So obviously the minister had a bad experience with a bp or else just plain didn't understand it.
I would tell on an "as needed" basis and only to people that you know will support you no matter what. It's awfully hard to live with a bp and not have support from anyone--I've been there.
Phyllis