Admitted DD today
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| Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:53pm |
After several "mini meltdowns" my 17 yo bp dd had a major melt-down last night. I was up with her all night to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I called her tdoc today, told her what happened and my thoughts, which were that maybe dd could benefit from i/p because dd hasn't been stable for some time now and the si factor was ever present. The tdoc agreed with me and, at the time, dd agreed with me. The only one that was out of the loop was her pdoc because she's out of town until tomorrow.
When we got to the hospital dd started the thoughts that maybe she didn't want to do this after all. By the time I got home and was able to call her she was a total wreck - crying, hyperventilating - and more or less demanding that I come pick her up. I told her she had to trust me on this and to give the pdoc there a chance to help her. He hasn't even seen her yet. She doesn't like the "lock-down" they won't let her do her school work, they wouldn't let her have her mp3 player and visiting hours are Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so I won't be able to go see her until Thursday and she didn't like that at all. I can call her every night and she made me promise that I would, which I promised that I would. I just hope she gets better instead of worse. She sounded worse tonight on the phone than she was last night when she had the melt-down. I'm starting to 2nd guess myself, but after talking to the tdoc tonight (who is also my tdoc), I'm fairly certain I did the right thing. I just hope they get her stable quickly so I can bring her home before she goes totally nuts with all the restrictions they impose. I know it's for their safety but it still hurts me to hear her hurting so badly.
Then I got to call xh and tell him about all this. He copped an attitude with me and I could tell he was mad that I put "his daughter" in a mental hospital. I told him I wanted him to hear it from me before anyone else (i.e., my other 2 kids) and he told me he appreciated that, but I could tell he was mad. So now I've got that to deal with. And right now, I just don't have the energy because I was up all night last night with dd and I'm plain exhausted.
It was hard enough on me when I had to admit myself to the psych ward back in January and as beneficial as it was, it tore me up to have to do that to my dd. I know inside, it's the best thing for her right now, but my instinct is to go and get her even though I know I shouldn't and won't.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Traci

Traci,
I know how hard this is on you. I had to put my dd i/p when she was 16 and it was hard to do, but it was what was best for her and it did help her. My dd was so mad because she had to spend 4th of July in there and she had plans to go see fire works with friends and missed out but then she calmed down and realized it was worth missing the fireworks for one year.
I know when my dd calls me crying from her dads and is ready for a nervous breakdown my whole body starts shaking because I am powerless over making things ''all better'' for her. Everything in me wants to take all the pain away. I have to keep reminding myself all I can do is what is in my power and always love her and do the best I can and leave the rest to God. That doesn't take away the pain I feel not being able to help the way I want to though. So, what I am saying is I know how hard it is to see your child go through mental hell, especially when you have been there yourself and know how hard it is for her.
You did the right thing and just keep loving her like you always have and always will and she will be ok. She is getting help and that is great. I wish my dd would get some counseling and meds and stick to it but she is hard headed and won't. Since my dd is almost 18 there isn't anything I can do to make her. It is hard watching her self destruct and her dad doesn't feel she has bipolar so he doesn't encourage counseling or meds. I feel so worked against. So I understand how you feel about xh. Forget him and you do for your dd what you know is best and if he doesn't like it than oh freaking well...that is his problem and you don't have to listen to him complain about it.
Please please let us know how dd is doing. You hang in there and rest as much as possible. You need to take care of you so you can take care of dd. Oh, and don't forget to eat, even if it is small portions.
Sending lots of hugs and love your way.
Tina
~ Tina ~
{{{Traci}}}
I'm so sorry you are going thru this right now.
God could not be everywhere, so
Traci,
Of course you did the right thing, especially with SI thoughts--teens can react so quickly and she needs to be somewhere she is safe!
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and support. I actually was able to see her today. We had a family meeting which consisted of the two of us. Xh "had" to work. Oh well, his loss. She seems to be adjusting to being there. She's not as hysterical as she was Monday and Tuesday. They gave her a journal and she's been a writing fool! She has always loved to journal. So I think it's great. The homework thing I think is tied to a "tier system" that they have. The first 24 hours she's on ward restriction and is only allowed to do certain things. So I'm thinking that she'll be able to start working on her school work in between group and individual sessions with her pdoc and tdoc. I talked to her pdoc this morning and he is starting her on seroquel mainly for sleep, but is looking at it for the added benefits of the bipolar as well. Once he gets that going he is also going to look at the possibility of her being ADD. He's not sure yet, but wants to address one issue at a time. I like that way of thinking.
The tdoc wanted to put dd on a day program after discharge but once I return to work (whenever tbat should happen) I won't be able to get her there and back. So the back up plan to that is to up her tdoc visits with our tdoc to 2-3 times a week for a while. Which is something I can do.
When I got back from this meeting my mother hit me with 20 questions about the meeting which really had me po'd. I told her that they wouldn't release dd until she was stable and could commit to safety. She asked what that meant, if dd was suicidal. I said not exactly. That it was that or SI. She was astounded that dd had cut and was thinking about it again. She asked me what she thought she'd get out of it. I felt like asking her what she gets out of a bottle of booze when she drinks! To me, it's the same difference. It's a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one. My mother just doesn't get mental illness. As much as she thinks she does, she hasn't got a freakin' clue.
I get to go see her again tomorrow night during visiting hours which will be good. I think this is almost as hard on me as it is on her. So, I will keep you all updated. Thanks again for your thoughts and support.
Hugs,
Traci
Never 2nd guess yourself. You know that this was the right thing for her. We both know this. She will come out of this stronger than she was before. She's a strong person. She can do it. She just needs everyones support now and later. But she's strong.. Just like her momma.
Love you, stay strong and keep the faith. We'll all make it through all our issues... And we'll all be stronger because of them.