Diagnosis

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Diagnosis
4
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:25pm

Been doing a bit of reading on the board and want to ask for some thoughts.

Come from a completely mad family - depression and anxiety if you aren't into chain smoking and/or alcoholism...currently 4/5 immediate family on various medications of the SSRI variety. About 5 suicides in last 3 genarations, plus "battle fatigue" and various other ailments that point to a lack of stability. Having said this, we are mostly terrifically high achieving in our careers.

For me, SSRIs stopped me from getting so down that I couldn't function, but cut the bottom and top parts of my moods off (sitting through Titanic thinking "get on and drown" is not what you would expect from a 20 something girl!), couldn't laugh either, which is socially not particularly OK!

Got changed to Effexor and felt great on 150mg after 8 weeks and have been OK on 75mg as well...but I notice I do still cycle between almost "hypomanic" (will get through terrific amounts of work, feel very cheerful and be a bit of a "life and soul of party", but not losing sleep, spending money or getting into risk situations - well other than in 2003 when I had 4 boyfriends in 4 different cities, but that was more because I was acting out after a really rough divorce!) and really black moods, particularly if I am heading up to my period.

Part of me would dread a BP diagnosis - I am a seriously high achiever and would worry that the meds would cut off the fun bit of the hypomania for me - I am a really creative and imaginitive member of my team at work and have built a reputation for being an innovator.

The other part wonders what it would be like to be stable in my moods rather than spending a lot of energy on dealing with the black moods when they descend...they have been pretty tough lately (for some quite identifiable reasons, I admit, but even so this is the worst cyclic period since I have been on Effexor), and it has only really been because I have had good CBT in the past that I can identify that although the impulses to self-harm are there they are not rational and they will pass. So far I am winning...

I've got a wonderfully supportive DP who has depression after a series of really bad things happened to him...effexor is his lifeline, but it is SO clear why he was depressed and he is LEVEL on meds, not cycling round all over the place...just gets a bit crotchety if he is late with a dose! He recognises that things are more complex with my depression than they are for his and he does look after me.

One of my problems is I am a health care professional in a relatively small community, and although I am open about my depression, I am really reluctant to look further into this and find out if there is BP in the mix, because I want the journey to be private - once I am there I don't mind being open about it, but the journey or even the first step of the journey is the hardest.

It has helped even to type this stuff today, and maybe it will be a thing to reflect on over the next while as I decide what to do - I hope the longer days will improve things mood wise, have just done two winters back to back and I know that doesn't help

H

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: kiwihelen2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:50pm

Welcome to the board, I'm glad you found us--just sorry your message slipped to the back of the board without being noticed--don't take it personally though, it happens occasionally.


Not wanting to give up the "good" hypomanias is a real common reason folks don't get dx'd, even when they're prett sure they're BP or don't stay on meds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
In reply to: kiwihelen2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 12:03pm

Thanks for your response, having been a CL myself on the UK board I know how tough it can be to keep up!

I am delaying the discussion with my GP (family doc), because of shifting house, but will return to thinking about getting the BP thing checked out later. Problem is seeing a psychiatrist through the health system here will take months and months and months (DP was referred to see a psychologist to deal with depression and chronic illness issues and didn't get an appointment for 2 years!), so I may have to bite the bullet and go private.

Your descriptions of your hypomania sounded very familiar including the spring fever! Intellectually I know that management would probably help my focus, emotionally I am still not ready to hear this ;-P. I am also scared of side-effects...particularly the weight gain (not OK if you are a dietitian), but maybe if I was more level I would be keener on keeping up the exercise!

Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: kiwihelen2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 12:21pm

Helen,


I thought waits for a pdoc were bad here, but 2 years-YIKES; I sure hope the private sector is better, but that stinks because of course those that need it the most are just those that probably can't afford to go private!


I remember my initial ambivelance at my dx, although I'd suspect it for years--in the end I decided playing ostrich never got me anywhere and while getting the dx made it "real", it also meant I was finally getting the correct treatment instead of being chemically launched into mania by just AD's for my depressed cycles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
In reply to: kiwihelen2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:20pm

The quickest way to get to see a pdoc here is to harm someone else...harming self ain't good enough :-(

My training mentor did some research on weight and lithium and I would definately be following her advice if that was the Rx I ended up on (most likely one too...I know the system rather well!). I would also have to really look at this exercise thing - I eat pretty well, but I don't really like exercise but I know it would make a big difference!

Helen