Crisis/Meltdown!
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Crisis/Meltdown!
| Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:31pm |
I haven't posted lately (the boards are so quiet I quit posting) so I'm not sure anyone even remembers me. I am on the verge of...well I have no idea WHAT right now. I am a big puddle of overheated, hysterical, angry, depressed, worried, tearful, hormones. I keep loosing it at work and even at home. Just a little while ago I had a major "emotion" attack at work. I was crying so hard I was snorting and gasping and everyone could hear me. I couldn't breathe I was crying so hard. I have been off nearly all my meds since October due to being PG which I am sure is not helping and I was on a lot of different meds. I am now nearly 32 weeks and I am having so much trouble with racing thoughts and lack of concentration that I am unable to function. I can't do my job anymore, I just sit and stare for 8 hours. The littlest thing will set me off. These "attacks" have GOT to be affecting my baby but I just can't control it no matter how hard I try. My pdoc quit and they have not yet assigned me a new pdoc so I am trying to get through this on my own. I have no tdoc. I can't take any meds and that's probably all the pdoc would be able to do anyway. Or worse, put me out of work, which I can't afford. I don't even know how I am going to afford maternity leave. But I am afraid of completely loosing touch and going totally psycho. I nearly ran my fist through the window! Very scary. I am at a loss as to what to do next. I could drive myself into pre-term labor with all this crap. Does ANYONE have any ideas on how to deal with this for the rest of my pregnancy? I really need my meds, but I will NOT start back on them until after she is born so I have to figure some other way before I go completely crazy. Mostly it's raging emotions. Sometimes I start crying only to finish it up with hysterical, uncontrollable laughter where I nearly pass out because I can't get any breath. They'd put me on IV meds if I was in the hospital doing this! I am afraid to tell anyone else. I feel like I'm going completely nuts and it's very scary. I have GOT to find a way to get myself under control for the next six to eight weeks before I loose everything. Hopefully the surges will abate some when I finally have her. ??
Sorry so long!
Jodie
Sorry so long!
Jodie

I am not bi polar, my mom was and my DD is getting tested. My SO is, we think. I have read about everything I can over the years because of my mom. However, I dont remember much about pregnancy and its effects that the meds would cause. Have you stopped bc doctors orders or is a personal choice to not take them?
I had major major emotional issues when I was prego. I could go from 0-60 in a second flat. I feel bad for my kids now because I look back and the emotional rollercoaster my whole house was in was horrible. I would literally cry over spilt milk. The chemical changes that are natural during pregnancy are , Im sure 1000 times more because of your condition.
Stress in essence is not good for the baby in either form, whether that is really an old wise tale or not. You talked about being in the hospital with an IV before, did it help? Can you take a disability medical maternity leave at work? How long before you will be able to geta new pdoc? my SO cant get in until the end of the month. I think that is insane because what are people suppose to do until then?
I know I am not much help to you right now but I wanted to let you know there are some of us here. I ahve noticed there hasnt been much posting lately but i wish you luck and keep us posted...susie
Jodie,
I am new here, and I'm afraid I can't offer you much help. This BP Dx is new to me. By the grace of God, I didn't have too many problems during my pregnancies, so I can't give you any advise. All I can do is offer you ((( ))) and prayers. I have not been on meds for years and am back to having problems without them. It might sound trite to you, but one thing that helps me sometimes is to say to myself, "this too shall pass." Sorry I can't be of more help. I would think that whatever you are going through is amplifed by your hormones during pregnancy, not that that is of any help to you.
Robyn
Jodie!
Honey, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this. You've come so far through this pregnancy and girl its almost over. Of course you're going to be hormonal...and then of course, you are BP. And not being on meds, wow. But, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE NEXT several weeks...remember back to a year or so ago, and how out of control you were then...you got through that.
You have to keep talking, and getting it all out. Maternity leave will work itself out...what is important is that you'll have your little girl, and you can get back on meds, and it will be okay.
I promise. You know the lows I've been to. I didn't think I would survive...literally. I did. You will too.
Keep posting. I'm here every night...and I will keep checking on you.
You are stronger than BP.
Love and Hugs!!!
Keli
Jodie,
Of course we remember you--you've been missed!
You are almost there, Sweetie, so hang in there!