Hypo-mania????? or Functioning????

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Registered: 03-30-2007
Hypo-mania????? or Functioning????
10
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 5:42pm

Okay, so now with this new diagnosis of possibly not having simple depression for the past 25+ years, but being bp, I am paranoid whenever I have a good day. Is it a good day, or is it hypo-mania? In the "old days" of simply being dx'd as depressed, I would have felt the depression was lifting and I was able to function better. Now I wonder what is it? This is what the suspicion of being bp has done to me. I am always able to take care of the horses and clean the barn, (they would die if I didn't) but sometimes weeks go by between mopping floors in the house. My norm during a depressed period is to take care of horses, clean stalls, come in and pick up a bit and then sit and channel surf. Between yesterday and today I have managed to get my bedroom clean, pay bills (another thing I always manage to do), mop floors, vacuum, and get out of the house with friends twice this week. So, am I feeling better because the weather is improving and my depression is lifting, or am I hypo? This is what I have always thought of my "functioning normally period". I would be patting myself on the back and feeling better about myself because I was able to get some normal household things done, Now all I can think of is hypo-mania!!!! I gotta say, I don't like this. :-/

I hope you all can bear with me, this dx is new to me and I'm just not sure. Hope I am not making a pest of myself.

Robyn

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Registered: 04-07-2002
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 7:44pm

I am a type I bp, and when I was first diagnosed back in 1993, I also got to the point where I could not enjoy a good day because I thought I might be manic. I have learned since then from experience that that is not always the case, and to wait and see if things escalated. For me, I don't start worrying until I go to sleep late and get up at three in the morning...two days or more in a row. While that can be a sign that worse stuff is on its way, often that isn't even a definitive clue.

I actually haven't had a serious manic episode since 1999, and that one was because my idiotic pdoc took me off mood stabilizers.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 7:58pm
Beth, If sleep is a clue, I am never manic. Sleep has always been my escape. I don't think I have the "typical?" mania. If I do, then it is when I get irritated easily, or maybe when my anxiety goes even higher than "normal." I'm not sure, this BP Dx is all new to me. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that wonders about what is a good day. Thanks for letting me know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 8:04pm

Hey there Robyn...

I totally know how you feel. "Before" I would also wonder and wonder and wonder whether or not I was manic or "okay". Now, I realize that everything is not indicative of a mood swing...yes, I get a bit down, but its not depression. I also finally figured out that an up day was just that...it didn't have to mean I was manic. It takes a lot of learning through experience. You will eventually come to the point to where you don't question every single behavior. You will figure out what your indicators are...it takes time unfortunately, and that's why for a while, you will think everything is either up or down. There are in betweens, even for rapid cycling BP.

This is a great place to come to talk, and get other's opinions...see what everyone else goes through...this board saved me so many many times.

I know it sucks...to realize you have a disorder that is incredibly confusing. But, you've dealt with the depression for a very long time now. You obviously have strength.

My really horrible depressive episodes were so bad that I was non-functioning and suicidal almost every single time. The manics were so out of control. Its scary, but you can and will get through this.

Hang in there! Try not to over-think any mood. We can talk ourselves into being much more than what we are, know what I mean?

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 8:58pm

I ponder this one regularly, although it doesn't bother me as much as it used too--it could certainly be a little of both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 10:36pm

Hi Keli,

You are right, I'm probably being paranoid. YIKES! Just for my peace of mind, I should take it as it is - a good day.

I understand the completely non-functioning depressive episodes. I haven't had one for a few years, but there were times when I could not get out of bed. There have also been times when I was so tired of it all, that I thought about... My dad is in his 80's and has had heart attacks, so the thought of what it would do to him, keeps me going sometimes. I know it would just kill him. My brother died when he was 37, I'm the only "child" my parents have left - so I go on, when sometimes..... When my kids were young, that kept me going, now I figure they have their own lives, but I couldn't make my parents go through losing another child.

Thanks for your input. I can see how this board could save someone, the support is great.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 10:45pm
Marci,
I sure am glad I found this board. Looks like I have a lot more to learn. My "thing" is researching, I am the research "queen." Sometimes it's detrimental to me as I also research to death every Rx'd. lol.
Robyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:48am

After reading this whole thread, a few thoughts....while this board is slow at times, when one REALLY needs help everyone comes out of the woodwork to give it....if we all hit the ends of our mood swings at the same time no one posts. If it's the depressed end, one doesn't feel like posting and if it's on the manic end, one is too busy to post....anyway that is MY perception.

Having dealt with DW who is (we suspect) a depressive type bp, I would say, don't worry about the hypomania and just go with what you can do. DW never goes into "uncontrollable" manics it just is close to "normal". If you aren't doing all this in one day and night, then I wouldn't worry to much. As the one poster said, she doesn't worry until she's going to bed at 1 am and getting up at 5 am.

Another aspect you and DW have in common is the penchant for researching meds to death....probably saved her life at least once though, when she was i/p the pdoc prescribed a med that stated in the warning in bold print to NOT prescribe to someone with sleep apnea....DW has sleep apnea. She never took the meds or bothered to fill the Rx when she got out of i/p. So I wouldn't say researching is such a bad thing.

I have been living with this for 32 yr now myself (self dx'd about 8 yrs ago, medicated only about a yr....maybe) and I find I don't worry at all about up/down....I won't think about it until I notice a reaction out of whack to the situation and then I think about where I "am" and think, "O.K., I can chalk that up to one end of the spectrum or the other".

Good luck and stick around, some days are busier than others on this board,

tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 7:56pm

I'm pretty new to this too. My dx has only been official since the fall and I've been preggo the whole time so it's been, um, complicated. I was actually just having this conversation with my tdoc yesterday. A couple of weeks ago I was going through a bad time with paranoia and anger and mood instability and I begged my pdoc to put me back on meds for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy and he refused. Now, I feel great. I mean I feel normal...like myself...like the self that I like being. I started the blog a mom's forum I've belong to for 5 years has been asking me to start and I've come pretty close to writing every day...I haven't written anywhere close to every day since before I met my husband 8 years ago. I've been researching grad programs and thinking about the future. I'm not getting much in the way of physical things done because thanks to a wacky pregnancy complication I'm walking very gingerly with a cane, but that's fine. I'm getting other things done that I ENJOY and that makes me happy; honestly happy. I also dumped my pdoc without getting another one, but I'm not sure how much of a judgement error that entails.

Anyway, I confided to my tdoc that I was really afraid to enjoy this time because I didn't know what it meant and she me to just enjoy the feeling of normal for right now and try not to worry about it. I've educated my DH about mania stuff and that I should let him be my guide as to whether I need attention from a professional. It feels nice.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 9:59pm

tk,
it does sound like your DW and I have similarities. If I have mania, which I'm still not sure of, it just makes me feel like I am functioning normally. As for the med research, I haven't had the "Docs are God" syndrome since I was in my early 20's. I've been prescribed many A/Ds that, if the doc checked my records, would find that I shouldn't be on that one for one reason or another. I also feel that I, not the doc, is the one who should decide what side effects/risks I am willing to put up with. I know sometimes they thing I am difficult and wish I would just swallow whatever Rx'd they are handing out, but I won't. I feel that you have to be a "medical consumer", not just a patient. I've had lots of Rx's that I never got filled and samples I've never used. I find most family docs don't have the time to sit with you and help you figure out a med that you are willing to put up with the side effects of. I know there are no drugs that do not have side effects, but they have to be worth the risk to me. The last one gave severe weight gain and diabetes, plus some facial tick thing that never goes away if you get it. Sorry, but those are NOT acceptable possible side effects for me. I'd be more depressed getting diabetes and having a huge weight gain. DH, used to tell me to just take whatever they gave me. Now when I show him my research, he's like, "I wouldn't take that!". So the search continues, but my family doc just sent my DH home with a duplicate of a med that I already told him I wouldn't take! I get very frustrated, I just wish someone would listen and go through the meds and side effects with me!

I do think I just need to accept the good days and be grateful for them. Like you said, if it doesn't seem out of whack, don't worry.

Thanks for sharing your and your DW experiences and for wishing me luck. Same to you and your DW.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:06pm
Mary,
Isn't it a shame when we have to question our good times? I'm glad you are feeling good in your pregnancy, enjoy it, and I hope it continues for you. I actually felt better during my 3 pregnancies than at other times.
Robyn