Selfishness
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| Sat, 04-07-2007 - 11:36am |
So, the oldies will know what I'm talking about...for the last long time, about 15 years, my mom has been very ill. She is blind and also in a wheel chair. There's lots more to it, but I won't elaborate to save time. She and my dad live about 4 hours from me, so I only see them once a month.
When I say that I went through HELL the last 5 years with BP, I mean just that...now, that I'm stable finally, I will not do anything ANYTHING to trigger any cycling. Period. That means backing away just a bit from my parents. They ask a LOT of me. I was working full time, taking care of my family (well, NOT taking care I guess...), and having to spend EVERY weekend taking care of my mother. That ended about 6 months ago, and lo and behold, my mood swings got better.
My mom calls me many times a day, to chat...but its always the same thing. She is much better now, great doctors, but being house bound is making her nuts. She CONSTANTLY mentions it to me, and there is nothing I can do about it. So, I've cut the calls down to 2 a day, max...if she is complaining about how unhappy she is, then I just kinda listen, but dont' say much.
My brother is BP, unmedicated...he is 35. He just spend 5 months in jail and got out 3 weeks ago. He is a drug addict and an alcoholic. The stay in jail did not help. He is right back to doing what he was doing before...he has lost his 2 daughters from a previous marriage, and I was helping him try to get them back...I've done the leg work, downloaded the papers, etc. He has yet to bother to get them.
I talked to his fiancee this morning and he is really out of control. He's being abusive to her again. I just can't take it.
So, my mom calls and I tell her these things...I'm so tired of sugar coating everything for my dysfunctional family. Now, she is worrying herself to death over my brother and his choice of lifestyle. I told her point blank that I was NOT worrying about this, him, anything...not anything that will trig my BP.
Is this selfish of me? I don't think so...but I'm on the inside of it.
Don't even get me started on my Dad.
I'm just done with all of them. I love them all with ALL my heart. But my life, my family, MYSELF are more important to me.
Can anyone relate? Am I doing the right thing?
Love to all.
Keli

Are you doing the right thing? Absolutely. You're feeling guilty because you're NOT a selfish person; but that doesn't mean you should act on it. It is too risky NOT to set boundaries, and yours are still very mild at that.
Cliched but true: What help are you to your mom, or anyone, if you get sick again? Do you think she would understand that?
Also is she computer savvy? or can she learn? Personally, reaching out to this board is helping my depression, and a board for her could probably do wonders, just not this one! ;-) She has the time to learn to use the computer if she needs to, and that alone would occupy her.
hope this helps, good luck, be strong!
soosie
{{{{{{{{{Keli}}}}}}}}
This much I know: if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else. But, don't ignore your family in their need. Care for them, but not before making sure you care for yourself. And if that means limiting your availability, do it. After all, that's why docs are not always on call, isn't it?
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
i can relate.. so totally not selfish. You have to do what you have to do to keep YOURSELF happy and healthy.
Keli,
It is ABSOLUTELY NOT selfish, but the healthiest thing you can do!