i dont know what to do. i'm impulsive

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
i dont know what to do. i'm impulsive
3
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:12pm

okay

i have posted this on another forum but i just needed some opinion on this to check that i'm not a complete lost case

or if anyone has similar feelings

basically i have always seen things and people in black and white and thought this was normal. for instance. my dad who i love to bits to the point where i will cry in the middle of the night thinking what if he was to die and get quite upset about it. but then the next day i will lose my temper with him over something as trivial as t ask to ask me to 'make a cup of tea' or 'cut the grass' (its got to the point where he wanted me to go to anger management!) sometimes i have eve wished terrible things upon him like if he was dead0 which sounds absluetly terrible i know

ive done this with my friends as well where i will love them one day then one little thing can make me hate them and completely stop talking to them. i stopped talking to pretty much everyone i was ever friends with in my halls at university last year thinking that they hate me and dont want to talk to me (i have no rational that i know of for the reasoning) i know i'm going to do his with the people i live with now but i dont want to! its just horrible feeling like this. i feel so unpredictable.

i also stopped talking to my friend for over a year and over something silly (mainly my fault for being over-sensative)

sometimes i feel out of control. i know i suffer from depression, but its not all the time. one day i will want to kill mysef and seriously think about calling the dr and will probably self harm, but then the next day i just think' GAWD WHAT A TWAT why the hell was i thinking like that!? its like a rapid cycle.

i know i'm impulsive thats why i dont think i can ever face seeing a DR because these feelings rapid so quickly. one day i feel really happy and then the next to the point of feeling self-harming or even suicidal

i dont know whats wrong with me :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:01pm

Have you been dx'd bipolar? It sounds like you are. Having ups and downs, rapid cycling like

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:07pm

i havent been diagnosed because whenever i pluck up the courage to go see them i think i'm better and i'll start drinking and having a laugh and thinking what a twat i was being before and try and forget about it. but then it will start all over again over things that are usually minor (a little bit like that saying of the straw that broke the camels back if you will)

this week i have suffered anxiety and survived on little more than 5 hrs sleep but i dont know why and start becoming over obsessive about things. it can be anything like a particluar song i'll listen to constantly again and again and beleive there is some hidden meaning in it.

my mum sees the dr regurarly because she suffers from depression and she tld him about my persistant butterflies in my stomach and how i have been feeling on edge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:25pm

Anxiety puts us in a state of fight or flight, which is why we can get impulsive and irritable with others. I really think seeing a doc could help if you are willing to take meds and maybe even counseling. I am glad your mom talked to her doc about you and it seems like she is concerned about you to have talked to her doc about your troubles. Once you see a doc and you get a diagnoses than you can get treatment and things may start looking up for you, but only you can do it. I know it isn't something anyone wants to do...going to a doc. We usually want to do it ourselves but sometimes we can't just do it ourselves and sometimes we think it will all go away and than time passes and the problems are still there and that is when we need to get help. It is not a weakness to get help, actually it is strength.


Tina




     ~ Tina ~