Hi All.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Hi All.....
7
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 11:37am

Hi All, this is Gigi. I've been feeling really down and I feel as though no one cares about me. I don't know if this is self pity or what, but I'm feeling rather friendless right now.

I don't come here that often because on most days I'm feeling really good about myself and the activities of my life. I don't know about anyone here, but I don't like being ignored or being pushed aside like I'm not important. I know I'm a good person, but when do I have the chance of having someone treat me with respect?

When I did post here, it was as thought my postings were invisible, and it was like what I had to share wasn't important. I left for a while because of that. I just need to express my feelings of abandonment, anger and hurt. I'm not like the rest of everyone here, I don't have a relationship to speak of, and whatever friendships I have, they are nonexistant, unless someone wants me to do something for them.

I'm going through a transition in my life, I've been very honest with people in my life that I thought would be understanding and loyal. But I guess I was wrong. I understand that the people in my life, have lives of their own, they have their own issues, but what happened to all of that love and friendship, when I was there able to help them?

Do you know what it's like to be pushed aside because a person that you called your best friend, found the love of her life? I'm not jealous of her, I'm happy for her. But where is all of that friendship now? When I was looking for a sweetheart, she would get jealous, but now that I don't have that, where is she?

Gee, I guess my expectations of equal treatment as a human being, is a bit overwhelming. In the beginning of my friendship, everything was cool. We were inseperable, as time went along, she would take me everywhere with her, to do what she wanted to do. If I asked her could she take me somewhere, it was like it was a big deal and a bother. What hurt the most was around my birthday. I was an afterthought. When her birthday came around, she got a lot of attention, and a lot of fuss etc. Jealous? Me? No. I just want equal treatment, that's all. I'm a strong believer in karma. Her birthday is coming up and I know she's going to be looking for a present or some type of recognition. I know you're not supposed to do wrong for wrong, but she has to learn something, right?

I'm the kind of person that depends on themselves. I would rather pull out my eyeball then ask anyone for help, or could they take me someplace that I need to be. Of course, my mom taught me to be independant at an early age. Somethings in my life have been changed rather quickly. I'm not able to drive nor am I able to get employment, but that's only temporary, those things are slowly changing. But, I'm talking about right now. I guess by writing all of this stuff out, it helps me to get some of my sadness and everything else out. All I've ever wanted in this life is a friend I can depend on, someone that I know will be there and not because they want to use me for something.

I have come to a point in my life where abusive relationships, platonic or non-platonic are not welcome. I'm standing up and not accepting any kind of treatment from anyone. Well, I guess, my standards are too high. Why am I posting this here, and not on a blog? I just need someone to know how I'm feeling. You don't have to give me feedback, I just need to let some of this pain go.

Thanks for your time.

Gigi

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: igentleheart
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 4:16pm

Gigi,


You are not intentionally being ignored, you can be sure of that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
In reply to: igentleheart
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 5:01pm

Hi GiGi,


I am sorry you feel ignored here. I too felt that way at times and than I realized people are like me if we don't know what

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: igentleheart
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 6:51pm

Thanks ladies, I keep forgetting that's how it is around iVillage, the board sometimes moves so quickly. I'm sorry.

I do feel a little bit better now that I've shared how I've been feeling. I am glad that there are people that understand how I'm feeling. There's one small funny part about this whole thing.

A while back, as I was on my way to the train station, a fellow church member was getting off of the bus, as I was getting on. She asked me what was going on with my best friend. Well, I looked at her and threw my arms up and said, "I don't know anything about it. She doesn't call me and talk to me anymore!" Well, the lady looked back at me as if to say, "What do you mean she doesn't call you anymore?" I just shrugged and got on the bus.

Well, when I got home, I called my best friend up and asked her what was going on. I asked her how did this particular person know what was going on, before I did. She didn't have anything to say after that. I can't really get into details about what was going on.

She was stumped. She went on to say that it wasn't a big deal, well I informed her that it was a big deal to me. Well, needless to say, she understood that I do care about her.

But, there will be a time that I will be able to sit down with her, without interruption, and talk about how I'm feeling.

Thanks ladies,

Gigi

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: igentleheart
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 4:42pm

Hi Gigi! Its sooooo good to "see" you! I think about you often, actually. I too left Ivillage for a while, recently, and its difficult to get back in the swing of things. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying...the relationships, ugh! Friendships are very hard to maintain...due to my BP (getting better) I've had to cut all the negativity and drama and chaos out of my life. I have two friends left. But, its worth it.

Anyway, I also know about transitions. Whether or not they are on the same level, transitioning isn't easy in any form. Differences, I guess, is what I deal with the most. I'm not like "most" people. In a lot of ways, and not just cuz I'm BP. It really does help to talk it out, get it down on "paper" and out of you.

I am very independent too...my mom taught me that very very early on as well...she is disabled, quite severely and she wanted me to always be able to take care of myself. With everything I've gone through, I needed that.

I've always admired you for being YOU - truly.

If you want to talk via email, let me know.

Hugs and Love,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: igentleheart
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:13am

Thank you, Keli,

Besides being a bipolar I have to deal with a lot of other things in my life. Fortunately, most changes in my life aren't traumatic, but welcomed with my open arms.

I'm growing increasingly tired of one of the communities that I'm a member of. They know of a specific transition that I'm going through, and I'm constantly being treated with less and less respect. It has nothing to do with my bipolar disorder either. But when you have a control freak as a community leader that's what happens.

Anyway, enought of the name calling. Please feel free to email me. I'm open to out of the Village conversation.

Gigi

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
In reply to: igentleheart
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:46pm
Sometimes you need to knuckle down and get help.
Do not ever feel like your unnoticed you are ,
Post as much as you need too you have a friend here.
Take care and think up not down.
Love and Prayers are here for you.

Sparkleeyes..........

Live life well & Always look ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: igentleheart
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:19pm

Thanks Sparkleeyes,

I'll remember those things.

Hugs,

Gigi

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce