Pregnant Can't Take Anti-depresants

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Pregnant Can't Take Anti-depresants
17
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 6:19pm

Several years ago I was put on anti-depressants for depression. And went to counseling. While going I was told I was bi-polar. I ended up stopping my counseling because I didn't have the money, and still don't fully understand what I do that makes me bi-polar. I am now 9 months pregnant, and have not been off Paxil for several months, and have been overall ok. But it seems like I am getting worse (maybe Paxil is finally FULLY working its way out of my system; I don't know). I am sure my hormones from the pregnancy are also making it worse. But I have been losing control more and more.

I literally have to fight with myself not to beat my daughter up. And although I have not beat her up, I have been causing more damage to her than I would like. Forcing her to lay down in her bed, and covering her mouth (very roughly) so she won't cry, throwing her into her car seat (she is 4, so not too little, but little. I seem to control myself with my 18 month old better; which shows me that I do have some control. Yet the 18 month old doesn't act out half as much as the 3 year old). I wanted to throw her down the stairs today when she was throwing a fit. I smack her butt a little too hard. I realize all these things are bad, but not EXTREMELY bad. It is probably causing her more emotional problems than anything. I am just worried that I will get worse, because I think about doing worse. And I am in control enough that I don't act upon those other thoughts, but what if I don't one day?

My doctor wants me to get on Celexa, but I was wondering if any of you guys knew of other ways to help calm me with out getting back on any drugs. Like maybe eating more of something, or taking more vitamins of some kind. My doctor doesn't recommend going this route due to there not being enough studies that prove that alternative medicines really work. But I am willing to give them a shot. So any suggestions would be appreciated. I am almost done with my pregnancy, so soon that will not be a issue, but I need to make it to the end.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:27pm

While I briefly mentioned a couple of my BP issues in my intro, this is one topic I didn't cover. I don't really care to talk about it much, but it is important. I too have had issues with abusive behavior towards my kids. No, I never broke any bones or really even bruised them to speak of. Most of my anger came out in the form of spanking and slapping, but it was never at a level that would be called "normal" or "acceptable". If I didn't feel like it really hurt (hence making me feel like I was the one in control of the situation) I would keep on doing it longer and harder until it did. It went on for probably two or three years before I realized I had a problem (although I didn't know it was related to BP at that time). At that point, I tried to fix it myself. I tried that for a year or so with minimal results. Then I got a couple of friends involved. That helped more because it made me accountable to somebody. However, it didn't fix the problem. I received my BP diagnosis in 2004, but it wasn't until the day after I had been kicked out of my house. One of the reasons I allowed my xh to have full custody of the kids was because of this. I wanted them to be back in the school district they knew and loved, but I also wasn't convinced that I could be the better parent. I have been on meds since and they have helped quite a deal. I still have moments, however, where I have to force myself to leave the room so I don't do something bad. The key is that I now know how to have that control and can recognize when I need to take that step.

I do realize that your choice to stay off meds is related to your pregnancy, but you have to consider the effects that choice may have on your older two children as well. IMHO you need to have a heart-to-heart with your pdoc and express your concerns about the effect meds could have on the baby. There are many things out there that could help you. I'm no doctor, but I would think that there would be something that could do so without being harmful to your child. You need to explore the issue and do a little research on your own even. Would a diabetic go without their insulin shot? I don't think so. This is no different. If you are indeed BP, you need to take care of your health in the same way. Not doing so could not only be harmful to you, but it could be harmful to those around you as well.

I don't know if this was any help, but let us know what happens.

~Dawn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:57pm
Your post really got me. I know how that feels to be so agitated with your kids. I am 27 and was diagnosed BPII in 2000. Since 2002 I have been on an alternative supplement (no medications) and have been quite stable overall. I was SEVERELY mentally ill before. I have two daughters (3 years old and 4 months) and was on the supplement during both of their pregnancies, and nursing them. I highly recommend it. It is expensive but so worth it. The website is www.truehope.com . Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:59pm

I'm sure what you are experiencing is a combination of the Paxil being out of your system and all those lovely hormones raging through your system.

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Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 1:38pm

We're glad you've found this wonderful community!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:29pm

Thank you for your thoughts, and opening up like you did. It helped me realize that I am a lot like you. I tend to rationalize that everything is ok, a little spanking won't hurt to bad, and some times when it doesn't seem to bother the kids that much I do it a little harder, because it needs to hurt to some degree! Well thats what I think. And I tell myself I am not TRULY hurting them. They never have any marks left behind, so I rationalize it that it isn't abuse. But it is. I am not sure if you knew this, but April is national child abuse awareness month. Here where I live they are doing a fundraiser for abused kids, so they talk about it ALL the time on the radio. And I do feel guilty every time I hear the commercials, but then I think "I'm not that bad though". So hearing you say how you are the same way, in some ways helps me see that I do have a bigger problem then I think.

Like I said earlier, I did have a psychiatrist (or psychologist, I can't remember which he was or even what the difference is) tell me that I was bi-polar, but I am not even fully sure what ALL that intels. I have looked on line and the definitions confuse me. Cause a lot of the symptoms they list can be symptoms for lots of things, including normal problems. Like the sudden rages, I have a temper. How do I knew the difference between my temper or if it is the bi-polar in me? Can you tell me some of your symptoms, and how you know 100% sure that you have bi-polar? I know I really need to go back and get some further help, but just can't afford the psychiatrist visits right now.

I think I will try getting on the meds, but it is really hard for some reason. It was easier before, because I knew I REALLY needed them. I was getting to the point where I truly did not know reality from the thoughts and voices in my head). Like one time my husband was going to be coming home for lunch, and I thought "Do not let him in Taylor's room. You do not want him to see the bloody mess you left there." and then I saw my daughters room plastered with blood, and she was not there. This freaked me out! Cause I honestly had to think "Did I do something to her? Is she ok? I remember putting her to bed, but thats all. Is she still asleep, or is she hurt?" When my husband came home, I told him and he of course was worried, so we went into her room and she was ok, but my husband unwrapped her and woke her up to make sure she wasn't cut any where.

So obviously that was a HUGE red flag to me that I needed help. But now I don't have that red flag waving yet. I don't want it to, but yet I don't want to just jump back on anything just because life isn't as happy as I would like.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:36pm

Thank you for that website, I will check it out, and see what I think. I have heard of some of those alternative supplements actually working. The cost is the only thing that would worry me though. I don't have a lot of money right now. We are struggling to pay our bills, and don't even have insurance with this baby. But yet I am so against the idea of taking all the chemical stuff that the doctors want me to take. Especially since when ever I missed a day (or was even a few hours late) of taking Paxil, I would have SEVERE migraine head aches. Does this stuff you sent me to the website have that affect at all on you?

Thanks again

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:45pm

Thank you for that website, I will check it out, and see what I think. I have heard of some of those alternative supplements actually working. The cost is the only thing that would worry me though. I don't have a lot of money right now. We are struggling to pay our bills, and don't even have insurance with this baby. But yet I am so against the idea of taking all the chemical stuff that the doctors want me to take. Especially since when ever I missed a day (or was even a few hours late) of taking Paxil, I would have SEVERE migraine head aches. Does this stuff you sent me to the website have that affect at all on you?

Thanks again

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:57pm

WOW! I didn't realize that I was so bad that in some places (and maybe even here where I live) my kids could be taken away from me for that. I really didn't think that I was that bad. And your just going off what I told you. Not actually seeing what I am doing for what is really happening (cause maybe it truly is worse than what I think it is). That definantly puts another light on the subject. I think that alone makes me want to do better, and get on some meds. Some serious drugs. I am not sure if you read my reply to the post right before yours (the one about the truehope), but I didn't feel like I had a red flag of I NEED to get help now!!! Now I feel that you have given me my official red flag. I shouldn't have to have one, but I just hate the feeling of being dependant on drugs.

But I will go fill the perscription today. I just need to figure out which one. My doctor gave me the choice of Celexa or Solfran (I think that was what it was). Do you know anything about these?

Thank you so much for your input. It truly got my attention.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 4:01pm

WOW! I didn't realize that I was so bad that in some places (and maybe even here where I live) my kids could be taken away from me for that. I really didn't think that I was that bad. And your just going off what I told you. Not actually seeing what I am doing for what is really happening (cause maybe it truly is worse than what I think it is). That definantly puts another light on the subject. I think that alone makes me want to do better, and get on some meds. Some serious drugs. I am not sure if you read my reply to the post right before yours (the one about the truehope), but I didn't feel like I had a red flag of I NEED to get help now!!! Now I feel that you have given me my official red flag. I shouldn't have to have one, but I just hate the feeling of being dependant on drugs.

But I will go fill the perscription today. I just need to figure out which one. My doctor gave me the choice of Celexa or Solfran (I think that was what it was). Do you know anything about these?

Thank you so much for your input. It truly got my attention. And I will check out that www.parentsanonymous.org website. Even though I do have a good support system around me, but sometimes it is hard to tell your friends and family EXACTLY what is going on in your head. I know that when I first got on anti-depressants my brother would call me crazy. He thought it was funny, but I sure didn't. But if thats what I have to be called in order to keep my kids safe and with me. Then so be it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 4:07pm
Thank you for those websites. I will be sure and check them out. Yeah I love ivillage. People here are so willing to give a hand where they can. And when they don't feel they have anything to suggest that will truly help a situation, they give the love that is so needed. ivillage is a life saver to me, and I am sure others as well. So thank you for being one of those that helps inspire me to be better.
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