Son w/depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Son w/depression
6
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 6:12pm

Hello, I am new to ivillage and was DESPARTELY hoping that someone will connect with my CRY FOR HELP. I have a wonderful son who is now 19 years of age, as a child he was always the life of the party with family and friends. As the years have gone by my husband and I have noticed that he seems to struggle with bouts of depression. He is always moping around with such sadness in his demeanor. He has so much going for him, he's very attractive, smart, fun(when he wants to be) big heart; but there seems to be this depression that keeps surfacing more and more lately. He was in a relationship for a year and a half that just ended and it's got him so down that all he wants to do is sleep. He doesn't know what he wants and doesn't seem to care......I FEEL SO HELPLESS WITH TRYING TO HELP HIM. Nothing I say is right, nothing I do seems to help...he never smiles anymore.......if anyone has gone through something simliar with their child please let me know what you did to help them. He refuses to go to a doctor and get medicine.

I'M DESPARTE.....I want my son to be happy....he has so much to offer this world! Please help! This is not something that has just surfaced because of his breakup with his girlfriend......I think that that may have been the cause of it. He has been this way for years now. Any suggestion would be very much appreciated! Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:56pm

Wow, that has to be especially scary now that all this information has come out about that kid at Virginia Tech. I personally think that had his depression been addressed (it was very obvious that people had noticed, but did nothing to help him), the events of this past week may have never occurred. I'm not saying that your son falls into that category by any means. I guess my point is really that you are looking out for your son and really WANT to help him instead of brushing it all under the carpet. That is commendable.

Is there anyone whose opinion your son really trusts? Is there anyone who could at least suggest that your son talk with somebody, if for no other reason than to vent once in a while? It may be premature to say that your son needs meds, but if he would at least agree to meet with a therapist just to bring him out of this funk he's been in, it would be a step in the right direction. If that went well enough and he was able to find a tdoc that he really feels comfortable with, the tdoc would have an easier time explaining the importance of any additional treatment he may need.

Good luck. I know that this has to break your heart, but don't give up quite yet.

~Dawn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:29am

Is your son in school?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 8:19am
Thank you so very much for your post. I am determined in helping my son! He is such a wonderful kid (when his depression is not visable). I will keep taking the appropriate steps needed to help him.....I just want to make sure he sees the RIGHT doctors. Do you know of any services that give self employeed people a break? Our insurance is an HSA, which is not the best kind to have for situations like this....but we will do what we have to in order to help our son. Thank you for the websites....I will check them out. You are right about intervention though, it is time. Thank you for caring enought to respond to my post.....I truly appreicate it! One thing I know for sure is that he KNOWS HE IS LOVED! He is my only child, and I will never give up on him....he's worth all the effort in the world! Again, thank you and I will keep you posted. Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:08am

Thank you Dawn for your post....and you are so right....why did no one do anything to see that the boy who did this horrific act got help??? Something has got to change about our laws!! The school could not even contact the boys parents by law....this makes no sense to me...maybe now the laws will change! And while I'm a Mother who has a son who is suffering from a form of depression in which it BREAKS MY HEART, I truly don't think my son has that kind of rage in him to ever commit that kind of violence, but that does not mean that he may not hurt himself (which is what concerns me). He is truly an old soul in a young body...he is very compassionate and very wise beyond his years....just to give you an example of what I mean...while most of his friends are out partying, he would rather stay home with his friends and grill a steak and watch a movie. He doesn't like the games teenagers play and doesn't understand why they play them ie...clicks, drama, back and forth break-ups, gossip, etc.. He was always the one in the middle ( like I was in school ). I keep telling him he just has not found the right crowd of people to hang out with yet....he's in his 1st year of college (community) where is was placed on the Dean's List for his academic accomplishments. I think once he goes off to a University where there are more kids (he's always been in a private school setting and he's an only child) he will have more options with his friends. This could be part of the problem, I've been told.

Finding someone who he feels comfortable talking to is a MUST, you are right! He has always been able to talk to us, but we are his parents and there are some things kids need to keep private (I understand that) So that is my next step.

Thank you so very much for your post and your suggestions as well, I truly appreciate any advice I can get in this search for help with my son! Depression does seem to run in both sides of our family. Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 5:02pm

Your son will be okay as long as he gets the help he needs.
Everyone is right and have given some really good advice.
I remember going trough it at that age and it always felt like my whole world was crashing, If I would have got the help I neede I probably wouldn't be as bad as I am today.

I wish you the best of luck with the right help he will get better,
You will also feel better.

Sparkleeyes..........

Live life well & Always look ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 6:17pm
Thank you for your kind words....I hope you are right. The key is..... GETTING THE RIGHT HELP. That's my fear, not finding the right doctors that will be able to help him. I guess I've heard so many stories about people giving up because they could not find the right doctors or the right med's. I pray every day for the right guidance and direction! I will never give up trying to help my son! Thank you for your support!