Rambling, and a few questions...long

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Registered: 04-10-2004
Rambling, and a few questions...long
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Wed, 04-25-2007 - 3:47pm

Hi all. I haven't been here in a LONG time...

I have been relatively episode-free for about two and a half years, except for some really minor swings that I promptly call my pdoc about, and that respond to med alterations.

But, I guess about a month or two ago I noticed that I was starting to cycle down (feeling down to the point that I noticed it, for at least a couple of weeks), so I called for a med change. I currently take Lamictal, and pdoc also placed me on Prozac. The first problem I became aware of at that point is that I just took the Prozac pretty inconsistently, and when I ran out I didn't call for a new script. I have also been slightly inconsistent about taking my Lamictal. Both of those things are really uncharacteristic, as I am EXTREMELY med-compliant.

Then I started to notice an increase in hallucinations (or so the last pdoc called them). I see shadows and movement in my peripheral vision, very rare flashes of light, and have occasional sensations of a brief (less that a second) surge or pulsation in my head coupled with an impression of brightness. I get those things occasionally even when I'm not having an episode, but they really increased. I even had a couple of instances of possbile olfactory hallucinations, like smelling bacon while I was driving on the freeway. Pretty sure there was no bacon there, but that wasn't unpleasant!

Now that I'm beginning to accept that this is some type of episode, I'm putting other things together. Ruminating thoughts that sometimes make it very difficult to fall asleep or come back, for example, if I've been up with the baby during the night. I'm shorter tempered with my girls than I normally am, because I'm usually very patient. Sometimes I feel as if I'm talking faster or more than normal, and sometimes I feel slowed down. Energy levels fluctuate. Mood is a bit labile, but not at all extreme in either direction. Sometimes I have small bursts of frustration. Sometimes I do feel depressed, but then just a short time later I'll feel pretty decent. I'm preoccupied with my symptoms, and so have some concentration problems. I really have a hard time concentrating to work. Can't seem to make myself keep up with my housework regularly. The list just goes on. All things considered, it seems to me that this is a mild to moderate mixed episode with psychotic features. (I'm just trying to get my thoughts down here, as it makes it more real.) Of course, any comments are welcomed.

So, about those "hallucinations"...anyone else ever have those flashes of light or surge sensations? In addition to those, I think I'm starting in with some mild paranoia. I'm afraid my husband will look on the computer and read my post or see that I've been to bipolar sites again, and I'm afraid to tell pdoc about any of this because I'm afraid she'll commit me. I know that's not rational, as I'm no danger to ANYONE, but the fear is there. I've never copped to any psychotic symptoms with this doc. She knows I've been on antipsychotics in the past, but that's all. I really do trust her, at least better than any other pdoc I've ever had, but there's still that fear of disclosure and commitment.

I called her office to see if there was an e-mail address I could use to send this stuff to her before our appointment on Friday, because I know myself plenty well enough to know that if I even tell her ANY of this, it'll be very incomplete. Unfortunately, no e-mail.

Wow, this is longer than I intended. Sorry about that.

Kristen

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Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:53pm

Kristen,

I guess I need to do a little research. I know the effect Prozac had on me (made my manic symptoms go through the roof) and I was under the impression that it was good for garden-variety depression but not for BP. I could be wrong I guess?

As for the hallucinations, I can't say that I've had that. I'll be interested in seeing other responses to this. Did you have them before on your other meds?

Keep the pdoc posted on this. It doesn't sound like something that should be taken lightly.

~Dawn

 

Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:28pm

Hi Dawn. Thanks for the response. Yes, I have had hallucinations (?) for as long as I remember, always worse while cycling, mostly with manic symptoms. This last time, pdoc put me on very low dose (10 mg) Prozac to augment the Lamictal while my moods were cycling down. It seems to have set off this episode.

My last pdoc (the one who finally correctly diagnosed me) told me that the shadows and movement in the peripheral vision were hallucinations, and he placed me on, at different times, a couple of the newer generation antipsychotics (Seroquel and Risperdal). I had just been shocked to learn that those were considered hallucinations. I figured everyone saw things like that. Who knew?

About the Prozac, no you're not wrong. My understanding is that antidepressants are okay when needed in bipolar, used very judiciously and only with mood stabilizers. The problem, as you know, is that they can cause/intensify mania.

I actually called my pdoc today after the last post. Didn't get to talk to her, but I did leave a message letting her know that I have things I need to tell her on Friday. This way I'll be somewhat accoutable, and won't be able to lie outright.

Kristen

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Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 12:22pm

Kristen,


If you see this before your pdoc appt, why not just print your post & take it with you--I've done that with my tdoc & it really helps.


You may just be extra sensitive to the Prozac, wouldn't be the first time an AD has triggered a mood swing, even when combined with a mood stabilizer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:37pm

Hi Kristen,


I agree with Marci. If you get this before your pdoc appointment just print it out and take it with you.


I've never been on prozac so I can't help you there much, but I have had hallucinations involving shadows. My hallucinations, however, were a reaction to a med that I was on - lithium. I had a bad allergic reaction to it and that was just one of the symptoms.


And, as long as you are no threat to yourself or others, a doc cannot put you in the hospital. I have learned that over the years. That used to be one of my biggest fears everytime I hit a major depressive episode, and believe me when I say I've had plenty of them.


I'm sorry I can't be much more help to you than that, but do take this to your pdoc if you can. It will help him/her to help you. You may need your meds adjusted or changed. But it doesn't sound like it is anything that would land you in-patient. So try not to worry about that.


Hugs,
Traci

Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:45pm

Hi Marci! Thanks for the post. Yep, I know from experience (hindsight being 20/20) that antidepressants cause a swing in the manic direction for me. I expect that's why she started me on such a low dose. Of course, taking it sporadically (and beginning to blow off the Lamictal at times) couldn't have helped. Maybe she'll just add another mood stabilizer or something. I'm not too big on the antipsychotics for myself. If I were floridly psychotic it would be one thing, but not for hallucinations like the ones that I have.

Does anyone else out there have these type of experiences? The shadows/movements in peripheral vision, occasionally smelling things that aren't there, hearing the telephone/cell phone ring when it's not, bright flashes of light, wierd surging sensation in the head? I may be on my own with these. Just looking for information.

I hope everything's going well with you. I think you and Traci are the only ones I still recognize here!

Kristen

Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:52pm

Hi Traci. Printing this out is a reasonable thing, but we don't have a functioning printer.

I really do know that logically, she can't commit me unless I'm a danger to myself or others. That's what makes that fear and distrust so irrational. I know it, but still can't shake it. Kind of like my past delusions that there are videocameras in my house and people are watching me. I could tell myself that it wasn't true, but I didn't really believe it. (Of course, that was much more severe!)

I'm sure the Prozac will be out now, and that there will be some other type of med alteration.

Hugs,
Kristen

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Registered: 01-23-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 2:17am
I myself do have dillusions. ONly I have all out, almost psyisofrentic (sorry, I can't spell) episodes. I literally have heard voices and have paranoia so bad that I don't know what's going on and conjure up absurd situations that seem to be going on behind my back. I had two in the last month. I seriously get crazy when I'm not on my medication. I take Seroquel and it has been a miracle drug for me, and has also helped me to sleep at night like a normal person. Without it, I have severe insomnia and will be up manic as hell for days. I do not tell doctors about all my "episodes" because I am lucky enough to have very supportive parents and a great boyfriend that I live w/. We don't feel that I'm ready for us to move out on our own at this point w/ my condition and I no longer work. I have been "locked up" before also once last year, and I am afraid of that happening again, so my family just takes care of me here when I get like that. I'm lucky in that way, although there is always the fear and realization that I may one day have to go back to the hospital. But am a completely different person on my meds. I don't know if I've helped you at all, or just continued to ramble, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your hallucinations.
Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:47am

Thanks for the reply. Delusions are pretty scary, huh? Thankfully I haven't been full-on delusional in at least two and a half years.

I guess I'm still looking for someone to tell me that I'm not having hallucinations, even though I pretty much accept that I do have them. Hope springs eternal. It's weird, because I know I'm prone to some delusions and there's really no other explanation for those experiences. So I don't know why on some level I'm still so resistant to the notion that these other experiences are hallucinations. Oh, well. I have my pdoc appointment at 10:15 this morning. I'll let y'all know what happens.

Hugs,
Kristen

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Registered: 08-11-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 7:56pm

This is interesting....DS (eobp, 16 yrs old) had told us of smelling things and hearing phones ringing or the doorbell ringing and neither of us has heard or smelled anything. Not sure I can be much more help than that, but it sounds like you aren't alone with those type hallucinations.

Good luck,

tk

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Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:35pm

Hi tk. My pdoc this past week told me that those experiences were not hallucinations in the traditional sense, but rather illusions (I believe also considered psychotic). Rather than appearing completely out of the blue, those things occur when there is some sort of sensory stimulus but the brain misinterprets it. Like when the shower is on I'll continually think I hear the phone ringing but when I check on that it's not ringing at all.

I was also early onset bipolar, but not diagnosed until I was 32.

Best,
Kristen

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