my "hang ups" angering DH-need advice
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my "hang ups" angering DH-need advice
| Thu, 04-26-2007 - 7:23am |
I'm not sure what to do about this rather embarrassing problem. It's been a cloud over our marriage from the start. DH likes to be "touched" in certain areas and likes to do the same to me. I find this frightening and really disgusting. I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel uncomfortable and "dirty". It was difficult for us to even conceive our baby due to my stupid problem. I was not sexually abused as a child though I did have a couple of incidents where I was touched inappropriately. I'm not sure if this has any bearing on why I find all this so revolting but it is something I just can't seem to get past no matter how I try. DH is becoming more and more upset with me and tells me I never do anything for him and how selfish I am being. This morning he stormed out of the house and now won't speak to me. I suppose he's right but I just can't solve this problem. I have tried telling him why I feel this way but he keeps telling me I need to just "get over my hang ups". I warned him about this for months before we got married, at one point I even tried to end our relationship but he kept insisting I was the one for him so I finally gave in. Now I'm not so sure he should have kept trying. I question whether I will ever "get over" this no matter what I do. I mentioned it to a TDOC a couple of years ago and he blew it off. I am becoming very guilt ridden and depressed now because I know he's probably right but I just can't shake the scary, dirty feelings. I suppose I should try to come up with some sort of compromise but even that scares me. I wish I COULD just "get over it" but that just isn't happening. Any advice or just some support? Can't I EVER be normal at ANYTHING?
sigh
Jodie
sigh
Jodie

Jodie,
The tdoc that blew you off was a jerk!
((((((((((Jodie))))))))))
I'm with Marci on this. The t-doc that blew you off was a jerk! Take it up with your t-doc now and see where it leads. There is something to it that is making you feel the way you feel. You told your dh about it before you got married so he is aware of it and, again like Marci said, it's not something you can just "get over". Maybe try marriage counseling also. My xh and I did marriage counseling. The problem was he wasn't committed to the marriage enough to make it work. Committment is the key in any relationship. So, talk to your tdoc and go from there. This is obviously an issue that has scarred you and you need to heal and the only way for that to happen is to work through it. You will come out on top. Hang in there sweetie and keep us posted.
Hugs,
Traci