...And I thought I was cured...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
...And I thought I was cured...
4
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:46pm

I've been without my meds now for about a month. At first I didn't have the money to get the prescription filled, but now I just keep forgetting to pick it up or running out of time. (I work two jobs, so that happens pretty frequently.) Up until this week, I thought that my symptoms were disappearing. It sounds silly, but I really felt like maybe the BP was going away and that maybe I wouldn't need the refill. Boy, was I wrong. I am sitting here thinking about this past week in disgust. I haven't flirted or screwed around like I was before, but the thoughts are still there. I didn't pay my utilities last payday because I blew part of the money on crap. And now today, I can feel the manic subsiding and the depressive setting in. My drawer at job #2 was short by $95 on Saturday, so when I went in tonight I was beating myself up over it. I don't think the manager thinks I stole it (he thinks a customer short-changed me, distracting me with conversation and confusing me by giving me additional bills after I had already rung in his transaction and opened the drawer). I guess that's a plus, but I still don't like it. It was my mistake and it was a stupid one. And it looks like both of the drawers might be short tonight, but I can't figure out for the life of me how that could be. I was so careful, yet I still screwed up. Granted, I think they're only about $5 off, but it's the principal of the matter. Anyhow, my whole point is I seem to be entering into one of these "I can't do anything right, nobody likes me" phases, and I despise it.

So I guess I'm not as much in control of my symptoms as I thought I was...

~Dawn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 9:35am

I have done the same thing with stopping my meds for whatever reason. You can do good for awhile but the BP symptoms always creep back. That is why it so importand for all of us to stay on our meds all the time. Just start taking them again on a regular basis and things should level out soon. Since you have been off them for a whole month it may take 2-4 weeks to get the meds built back up in your system.


Feeling you can't do anything right and everyone hates you is the BP talking and the meds should help with that.


Hang in there


Tina




     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:56pm

Dawn,


You haven't done anything that most, if not all, of us have done at one time or another--whether for economic reasons or we just plain couldn't stand the thought of taking another ^%%#$ pill.

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 3:16pm

Done that before! Stopping meds is practically a hallmark of bipolar disorder! One of my pdocs (eight or nine years ago) once wondered aloud if I was bipolar just because I kept stopping my meds when I was feeling better!

Good advice from Tina and Marci. Take your meds again. If you can't afford them, talk to your doc. He might have samples.

Best,
Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 10:45pm

Thanks ladies. I do have the money now, I just have to find the time to get over there. I think I can stop in between jobs #1 & #2 tomorrow, as long as traffic cooperates. I do realize that the cycling I go through does often include periods of "normalcy", it's just that this one seemed to last longer than they had previously. I guess I can accept it, but it is disappointing. I wonder if I'd feel this bad about medication if I had diabetes or cancer or something.

~Dawn