How do I go about suggesting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
How do I go about suggesting...
6
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 3:34pm

... that he may need help? I have been picturing different ways of suggesting that he seek counseling, and I can't picture any of them working. He is convinced that everyone else is after him and everyone else has a communication problem... etc.. I wouldn't dare say "I think you may have BD". I don't even think I could suggest any kind of counseling.): Maybe I should seek help dealing with it and maybe a counselor could give me suggestions??

I always appreciate any input.
Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 4:03pm

If he wants help he will get it. He has to want it and believe he needs it and has a problem. You can't make him get help if he doesn't think he needs it. I know it is hard to watch people not get help...btdt, but the bottom line is we can't make anyone do what they don't want. Any counselor will tell you that. However, getting help for yourself is a good idea to learn to take care of yourself and let go of what you can't change or who you can't change. I know this all sucks because it would be great if we could make people all better by just loving them.


You could try and write him a letter and explain to him how you feel and what you see. He may get help but he may not. Hopefully he will get the help he needs.


Tina




     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:42pm
Tina, I have to resptfully disagree. I suffered many years with deep depression (now know it was/is bipolar). I was so low I was unable to make the calls needed to insurance and a doctor to get help. I also was so bad I couldn't even ask for help. My DH finally took the inititive to call for me and I am greatful for that.
So sometimes someone else does have to be proactive and make that first step for the other person. It may not be that he doesn't think he needs help but he may not know how to ask for it.
Just my $.02
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 6:24pm

Hi Melissacat,


I am not by any means saying for her not to help him if he wants the help or try to encourage him to seek treatement. That is not what I am saying at all. She said he thought everyone was against him. She can make all the appointments she wants and hopefully he goes but there is no guarantee he will "IF" he doesn't want the help. I understand people need help when they are so down and can't motivate themselves to seek treatement. I am sorry you totally misunderstood what I was saying. Also, maybe I didn't word it in away that would make it more clear. I am so glad that your dh took the initiative to make the appointments and get you treatement and you wanted the help and went to get it. If people are dead set against counseling or treatement of any kind it will be hard and maybe impossible to get them to get

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 12:16am
Talk talk talk,
You can help him open his eyes to a problem.
You can not cure it.
He has to understand that there is a problem and want to seek help.
It's not your fualt you can only do so much stay strong and good luck.

Sparkleeyes..........

Live life well & Always look ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:57am
Point taken. Thank you Tina.
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 9:42am

I have to agree with both Tina and Melissa. There is only so much you can do on your part. He has to want the help in order to receive the help, but on the other hand he may be of the mind that he doesn't have a problem.


My ex was a case in point. He has narcissistic disorder personailty, but if I were ever to tell him that or would have told him that during our marriage he would have laughed in my face. But yet it was easy for him to tell me I was the one who had the problem. Granted, he was right on that point, I DID have a problem, but I wasn't the only one in the marriage who did. And my marriage disintigrated because of it.


If he is unapproachable, try Tina's advice of writing a letter. Sometimes that goes over a lot better than speaking face to face. Because maybe Melissa is right and he just doesn't know how to get the help he needs and wants someone else to notice it and help him. So both of them are right on that score.


Keep us posted on how it's going. Keep venting, it does help. We're here to support you in any way we can.


Hugs,
Traci