Help SIL w/BP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Help SIL w/BP
6
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 7:39pm

My SIL (DH only sibling) has BP. She has been self medicating with alcohol for years refusing to admit there is a problem. It all came to a head when she was admitted into a psych facility in January. Since that time she has been on/off meds and refuses to seek psych help. She will deal only with her GP who has her on Antabuse, antidepressant & a mood stabilzer. She has stopped meds and is only an antidepressant. In her mind it is not acceptable to be BP and the Drs are wrong wrong wrong...

Typically there is always crisis and drama surrounding her life. Spending sprees, drinking to black outs, arrests etc...My problem is that I am her "go to" person. I have spent hours on the phone (and in person) while she talks in circles connecting invisible dots of thought to create a reality...emotionally draining. She calls at all hours...when I am at work - (conference calls are irrelevant)its taking its toll on me physically. We have bailed them out financially many times to a point where we are short on cash.

Her DH lost his job this week (and med insurance)...now it looks like we have to take loans on our 401ks to get them through. I am distraught! I have my own family, a career and problems. I am sucked into this vortex of pain regularly. I am constantly waiting for the next crisis and jump when the phone rings. Family in need - I am there. However she is doing nothing to help herself and is hurting her family. I am finding myslef very angry and resentful but yet I know it is an illness.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get her to accept help? How I can cope better with this...maybe I am not handling right...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: norahs62
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:23pm

I'm sorry you found our board at such a time of crisis, but glad you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
In reply to: norahs62
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:48pm

Her DH is crushed by all of this; she put them in incredible debt without his knowledge. Money to feed addictions (alcohol and probably drugs). He lost his job because of all of the time he has taken off to try getting her in to treatment and taking care of the kids when she is incapable. There was an intervention and she agreed to see a GP no pdoc. She doesn't stick with the meds; I have little faith in a GP successfully prescribing these kinds of meds. She needs a pdoc but refuses. No one wants to see the family fall apart. I know its not responsibility but with all of the instability I can not let the children lose their home. If it was only her I would tough love it and hold her accountable. She has already been arrested for DUI and no longer has a license. It all seems to go from bad to worse and she is completely oblivious to effect her actions have had on her family.

Thank you for giving me a direction for support...I need it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: norahs62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 1:01am

You're right to question a GP's ability to properly treat BP & administer psych drugs--for most it's a matter of reading something online or in a PDR.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
In reply to: norahs62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:06am

I am sorry to hear all you suffered and survived. You are courageous to use that experience to help others. Her DH brought her to ER in January for bizarre & violent behavior. She had a BAC of 3.4 and was still manic. They had to sedate her 2X before she was manageable. She spent 2 days in detox and was shipped to psych facility for treatment. She was told she has BP and given a course of action to follow up after release. DH stayed home with kids
during that period.

After release did not follow through; continued meds until scripts ran out. She was drinking in secret immediately after release. Finally crashed again..good tines... and intervention was held. Agreed to a visit to GP who put her on meds and would treat her only with weekly monitoring including blood tests. She stopped going 3 weeks ago and stopped most of her meds. She was attending AA but that was dropped as well.

Now that DH lost job she is using that as her excuse for not going for treatment. They can't afford it. And of course she is not sick at all...it was alcohol and she is taking her antabuse. I have gotten to a point where I am intolerant and call her out on the behavior. They had a crisis (again) at 8:30 pm starting calling (3x in 15 minutes) looking for me to meet her husband at hosp with one of children who was sick. Same day he was fired she said she just couldn't handle it - but didn't want him to be alone.

Very long story short I did not go. I talked to her 2 days later and asked about the meds. She said flushed the mood stabilizer because she is not BP or manic. I pointed out her irrational, angry and hyper behavior and that her request was completely inappropriate. She did not remember talking to me at all. When I pointed out that was not normal either she got angry..said its all irrelevant they have no insurance now so there will be no docs/meds.

She did go into a long winded and angry rant about the SOB who fired her DH. It was wrong because they new the family situation...what kind of monsters they were etc..I pointed out that businesses need reliable employees and he has taken off so much time. Expecting an employee to come to work is reasonable he was not fulfilling his duty. DH confirms that was the reason he was terminated. Again angry with me, but then jumped into a convoluted plan on how she was going to get a job and they would be on their feet in no time. When I asked who was going to watch the kids...schools almost out...she said that will work its self out. She also hasn't been sleeping but feels fine....

I am done. I told my DH he can take the calls after all it is his sister. I will help them financially because of the children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: norahs62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 12:11pm

Having no insurance can be a real hassle, but there are still ways to get treatment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
In reply to: norahs62
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 4:30pm
Thank you for all of that information! I will pass it all along and pray that it is used. I also found from the info you provided I found a support group that is fairly local. I will be checking that out this week.