Deep depression ...UGH
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| Fri, 05-25-2007 - 7:12pm |
Ok, I have been dealing with a lot of pain from my arthritis and it has made me so tired and emotional. I was doing good with exercising and now I had to take off from doing that for a few days because the pain is so bad in my legs, knees, hips and back. The doc gave me Tramadol for the pain but they are like eating candy to me...they do nothing.
Then I was told by my tdoc that she thought I had a learning disabilty with math so she had me get tested for adhd and math disability. I have tried taking basic algebra at college 5 times with no success. I did the testing with a neuropsycholigist and the test showed I have no learning disabilities but I have adhd inattentive...with no hyperactivity. The psychologist who did my results of the testing said he could get me out of the math classes and I could still graduate. Well I was so excited about this. I talked to the disability advisor at the college and she said I have to have a math learning disability to get out of those math classes. I have 4 more math classes to take. I know I can't do them. I tried the 1st one 5 times with no success. So I called the testing place back and the psychologist said to go see this advisor and take my test results to her and get any forms that need to be filled out and he will do his best still to get me out of these classes. He feels he has a good agruement because I have attempted this one calss 5 times and couldn't get through it. He said with my depression on top of the ADD I am struggling to death here to even go to school. He is hoping they give me a break. I don't count on it.
I have been deeply depressed, even having suicidal thoughts for the last month. I try to hide that I am that depressed and put on a positive smiling face, but some times it is hard to pretend.
I am thinking if I can't finish getting my degree. I will take all the art classes I have been dreaming of doing and work on my art skills and maybe in time I can sell my art work for extra money. Maybe being a counselor isn't in the cards for me. I just know I am tired of trying. I have been in college forever and I am not getting any younger. I would probably be 46 or so before I would be able to finish college and get a job doing counseling, so maybe I should just let go of that idea and move on. I am so depressed over all my limitations. I know others are worse off but I can't help but feel depressed that I can't do what I want to do. So I need to accept what ever comes and move on.
I guess it's time to accept who I am and love who I am even with my flaws and limitations. I wanted to be in a different place in my life, but I guess

Tina,
Don't let "Arthur" and depression get the best of you, Sweetie, hang in there and fight like H...!
Marci,
Thanks for responding. This is all just getting to me. The pain has eased up some from the arthritis
~ Tina ~
Tina,
I know what you mean about fighting issues when you're depressed-BTDT!