Slowly recovering from deep depression
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| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:26pm |
Hi Everyone - My name is Jena. Sometimes I come here for support and boy do I need it right now. On Memorial Day I got slammed with a deep depression. It's like it came out of nowhere and hit me right in the jaw! The depression came at me hard and fast. By Tuesday I was having very serious suicidal thoughts so my pdoc increased my lithium to 900 mg. She didn't feel like I needed to be in the hospital because I have excellent family support, but she didn't want me to be alone. So, for the past couple of days it has been my first time being alone in awhile. I am still having suicidal thought just not as bad or nothing I would act on anyway. I cry a lot and feel like a failure because I am on disability and I can't even keep up my the house. I live with my parents and I'm kind of the "housewife" for them. It's my way to pay rent. Anyway, I am having trouble cleaning my house, doing laundry, and cooking. I am not sleeping very good and when I do sleep I have these really horrible nightmares. I checked out 4 books from the library thinking that would give me something to do, but I am having trouble focusing. I am an artist and tried painting last night for the first time in about a month and a half and my painting turned out horrible because of the hand tremors from the lithium. I feel like such a fat slob. I recently lost almost 90 lbs. only to now gain back 25 lbs. I joined Weight Watchers and that just made my eating worse. I've got another 155 lbs. more to lose and that is so frustrating. I hate haivng an eating disorder because right now it is in full swing due to the depression. Anyway, my pdoc said that the lithium increase could take up to 3-4 weeks to work. How am I going to get through this....any suggestions?
Thanks for the support! - Jena


(((((Jena))))),
BTDT with those depressions that come out of nowhere like a bolt of lightning, definitely no fun and I think are harder to pull up from than those that come on gradually--but it WILL get better.
I'm on disibility too and really struggle with feelings of worthlessness sometimes--especially when both my head and my body are giving me fits.