Stuff (poss. trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Stuff (poss. trigs)
1
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 3:47pm

I can't get to my tdoc for a bit, so I thought I'd post my personal stuff here and see what you guys might have to say.

1) I have a Master's degree. I also have a long history of being the "smart kid" whereever I go, which started at age two when I taught myself how to read. I have been accustomed to people admiring and respecting my intelligence almost constantly. Now, in my DH's family, I am a "retard." DH does not see me that way, but the rest of his family does, and since those folks are my entire social circle, it is getting harder and harder not to believe them. It's strange- none of them have so much as a Bachelor's degree, yet because I have a mental illness and mild autism (Asperger's), I am a defective subhuman who probably needs a fulltime babysitter. It really came to a head when I offered my SIL free voice lessons for my niece, but she went out and paid someone else instead, making some dumb excuse. She doesn't seem to consider me competent. Now, this is really getting to me...

2) I just paid the deposit, and now I am locked into going to school in the fall to finish my Ontario teaching certificate. I'm scared...scared of actually being the Homer Simpsonesque incompetent I imagine myself to be. After all, my last attempt at school ended badly, with the prof having something nice to say about everyone's projects but mine. What if it happens again?! I want to be a teacher so bad it makes my teeth hurt. I don't ask much out of life, and I don't know what I'll do if I don't get just that one thing I want so badly...

3) Things are bad in the work search. I forgot all about an interview I had scheduled yesterday and the position was filled- I have been in a mixed state and find it very difficult to remember stuff like that. I don't feel as bad, because that job was my last choice. I want to have a job teaching music. I have two prospects for that type of job for fall, but both employers are not contacting me.

I think that's everything. I hate this.

Express.
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:26pm

Beth,


Don't let the negativity of total idiots bring you down--you've more than proven you've got what it takes, it's just their ignorance & discrimination at work.