I have to laugh at myself...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
I have to laugh at myself...
1
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 8:26pm

About two days after I posted my "did you ever wonder what it would be like to be off meds" post, I had to call my pdoc to up mine LOL. I was a little hypomanic when I wrote that post and then I started into one of my lovely (not) mixed states. I seem to be getting them every few months now, which is really, really annoying. ***triggers*** The worst part of them is the suicidal thoughts. This time, though, I would probably have been committed if I were honest with my pdoc and called him when I was really bad. ***triggers*** I got to the point of counting pills to "make sure" I had enough. I was on the internet checking out maximum doses for my meds and then trying to figure out how much it would take. I had talked to pdoc about two days before I did that and if he knew that, I'm sure he would have 302'd me. I was pretty scared at how impulsive I felt about taking the meds...I had this "drive" that I've never felt before- like I could really go through with it. I told tdoc about it when I saw her yesterday and she had me make a verbal commitment with her not to take any pills until I call her first to "get permission" (which we all know she will never give me).

So, I've gone from wanting to be off my meds to upping them-again. Fortunately, it is working. The suicidal thoughts are pretty much gone, my sleep habits are getting closer to normal and I am getting a little more social and less irritable. We'll see what pdoc has to say when I see him next week.

Hugs,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:32pm

Peg,


While I'm not happy for the reason, I'm glad you made the decision to stay on meds.