hedumped me because of my bipolar
Find a Conversation
hedumped me because of my bipolar
| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 4:50am |
After 5 wonderful years w/ the greatest guy, he pulled the plug on our relationship saying he could no longer deal w/ my bipolar. Talk about the shock of a life time- he was with me when I was diagnosed & through all the medicine changes, & I am more stable now than I have ever been. I have been pushing him for a commitment because I want more out of our relationship than to be just his girlfriend, & now he hits me with "I don't know how many rebounds I have in me from your "episodes" "...
I am absolutely devastated- & feel so down right now... I have been doing the best I have ever been & don't cycle hardly ever anymore. The doc recently put me on an antidepressant (Effexor XR) along w/ my lithium & it has really stabilized me even more...
Part of me feels like this is just his excuse for not wanting to commit. Part of me feels like it is my fault for being bipolar & because things havent always been as smooth as they can be... How do you cope with bipolar when everyone who knows makes you feel like an outcast, or like you are not good enough to work through it?
I am also raising a bipolar child, my son... that has been a big challenge as well... do you ever feel so overwhelmed?
I am absolutely devastated- & feel so down right now... I have been doing the best I have ever been & don't cycle hardly ever anymore. The doc recently put me on an antidepressant (Effexor XR) along w/ my lithium & it has really stabilized me even more...
Part of me feels like this is just his excuse for not wanting to commit. Part of me feels like it is my fault for being bipolar & because things havent always been as smooth as they can be... How do you cope with bipolar when everyone who knows makes you feel like an outcast, or like you are not good enough to work through it?
I am also raising a bipolar child, my son... that has been a big challenge as well... do you ever feel so overwhelmed?

Pages
OMG HOW AWFUL! I have lost two jobs and at least one platonic friend because of BP, but never a squeeze. I'd certainly feel overwhelmed, too.
{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
From what you posted I don't believe it was because of your bipolar. He sounds very commitment phobic to me. I also think maybe because your son is also bipolar he may feel he can't do that with him too. dealing with the bipolar. I am sorry he broke your heart and skipped out on you and your son. I know you don't feel this way now but it is better he left before you were married. You deserve a guy that can be around for the long haul.
I hope you keep your chin up the best you can. Focus on just you and your precious son now. You both are important. It is awesome you are finding stabilty. Keep fighting to keep that and do well for yourself.
Do you work or go to school?
What things do you like to do?
I would love to get to know you better. Keep posting and we all will help you through this tough time.
You will find everyone here is very supportive and caring.
Tina
CO-CL of Bipolar Disorder Board
~ Tina ~
NONE of this is your fault. You didn't ask to be bipolar just like no one would ask to have heart disease or diabeties. Bipolar is an illness that needs to be treated like any other.
I also understand the trials of raising a bipolar child. My DS is 16 and was finally dx at 8 after years of fighting with docs that it wasn't ADHD.
Did you know that iVillage has a child bipolar board. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-ppchildnbd&nav=start
I also post on that one and you are welcome over there if you need support in dealing with your DS.
I offer ((((((HUGS)))))) and understanding in dealing with this illeness.
Brenda
Thanks for all the good wishes- it has been a long week...
I work full time & have a great job, so I have been keeping busy with that & getting the kids ready for middle school... the usual, eye appts, dentist, school clothes & supplies... it helped the week to go by...
I have been to my therapist & am talking through everything, and I think you all are right, that it is his own inability to commit that cause the real issues, not my bipolar- I am chanting that like a mantra & hoping to convince my heart... If I admit it to myself- I hung around for a long time (5yrs) hoping he would commit eventually & that wasn't going to happen, so it is for the best... I want more.
Thanks again- making it throught he weekend is the next goal :)
Jen
Hi,
I can honestly say that I see as well the propensity to avoid commitment in the guy, just from what you've told me. Most people that are going to marry will marry within two years of when they meet, from what I've seen. I have friends and family who were going on eight years. The one couple out of all of those I know who actually did marry after eight years divorced not one year later.
I happen to be married to a bipolar, she's a brilliant energetic ball of willpower some days, and angry, depressed, or outright livid about every tiny detail in my behavior the next. She rapid cycles, so for the last four or five months there has been very little light at the end of the tunnel until yesterday when she finally leveled out. She refuses prescription medication, or to see a psychiatrist. My wife also is struggling to overcome a lifetime of abuse from her mother which in turn makes her want to abuse me. Given all of this, I still love her, and want to stay with her forever. Whereas in your situation, you are seeing a professional, taking prescription meds, to my knowledge not abusive at all, and trying your best to stay in control.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can understand perhaps better than he can what a real hell being in a relationship with a BP individual -COULD- be, and I'm commited to working through it. If he can't commit to that when you're making every effort to make it work, then he can't commit to you, and in the end it's not about your BP, it's about him.
I read some very wise words the other day on one of these boards. Someone said that having a successful marriage has a lot to do with what you can accept. People all have issues that will never go away, but if both parties in the marriage are willing to accept those issues in the other, the marriage will work. He was not able to accept that you suffer from an illness. That's his right, not to accept that about you, and in the end it will be better for you if you find someone who can accept that about you.
Best luck and good wishes,
-Drama
Hi There - I was also dumped due to my illness. After almost seven years of marriage my hubby gave me two weeks to get out of our apartment. I literally left with my clothes, shoes, some CDs and my dog. He got everything else which was quite a bit. Anyway, I was devestated. I had nowhere to go because I had just gotten laid off from my job. So, I had to move in with my parents where I still live today. Two months before my hubby told me he wanted a divroce, my parents promised him they were going to find a new doctor for me if he would just hang in there. Instead, he told me to get out and that he couldn't handle it anymore. I was devestated. I cried ALOT and felt worthless. Now that I look back, God had his hand in it because we didn't have a good relationship at all. There was a little abuse going on (I won't go into details) and he was addicted to marijuana and pornography. 3 years later I am happily divorced and try to think of better days. It still hurts, but I don't think of it as often as I did. I don't dwell on the past. It gets easier trust me on this one. Good Luck to you. I hope you remain stable throughout this trial.
Jena
Hey my first post!
Do I feel overwhelmed? Everday!
As for getting dumped it takes a special guy to be with a bipolar woman and I know. I have been with my husband for 31 years. Sometimes I think he's lucky and sometimes I say poor guy. You'll find the right guy if it wasn't him. You seem like a lovely person to me. Keep your hopes high and your expectations high to. I wish you happiness.
Welcome to the board, Kaotikinvt.
My husband of seven years recently said he wanted a divorce.
He couldn't deal with my disease.
I did everything wrong and he said I was using BP as a free pass.
I was devastated what I didn't know was that even tough we've been us a long time.
He didn't know my problem he thought it was going to disappear after some therapy and
My medications he had no clue that I was suffering from a life long illness.
So with the encouragement of family and friends he got educated.
Things are still a little rough he is still learning he loves me.
What your boyfriend did was terrible and I don't know your situation.
Maybe if your still speaking and his reasons were true you could try therapy for him.
If not forget about him 5yrs or not it is not worth it.
I feel for you and your son , mine has problems too.
I wish you the best hang in there.
xooxo
Sparkleeyes..........
Live life well & Always look ahead.
Pages