Husband flirts with other women then says I'm jealous
Find a Conversation
Husband flirts with other women then says I'm jealous
| Fri, 07-15-2011 - 11:25pm |
We have been married 10 years, have kids and we love each other. The thing is, whether he realizes it or not, he is a big flirt. It bothers me. There's on couple in particular that we are close with-he's known the guy his whole life and the wife most of his life-and when he calls her about plans with our kids, etc. or she calls him, he's all, "Hey girl! What are you doing?" grinning from ear to ear. When he calls me, he's all, "What took so long to answer the damn phone?!"
His friend and he taunt each other about just about everything, and there was a time last year when my husband basically told his friend's wife whe should have picked him instead of her husband
Latest from the board
- Do you find hubby doesn't pay you enough attention? 3
- ~*~* March Roll Call *~*~ 2
- ~*~ March Celebrations ~*~ 2
- Almost Newlyweds...and Brother in Law 8
- Keys to the game 8
- It's Married Sex Week 1
- SuperBowl or SuperBore? 3
- ~*~ February Roll Call ~*~ 8
- *~ February Celebrations ~* 2
- Valentine's Day....Not just another commercial Holiday? 8
Memeber Support
Visit our Member Support area or browse the iVillage Help forum
| Q: | Where can I change my password? |
| A: | Log in, go to Edit My Preferences, and click the Account tab. Make and save your changes. |
First of all, welcome to the board! We always like getting to know new members although it's tough when we meet under the circumstances you describe.
Second, take a deep breath...and a few more. It's obvious that there's a lot more going on than just his flirting. Before reading your post, I was going to say that some men (and women) flirt as a way of interacting with people of both sexes. It's a subconscious thing and often they are unaware of how they are coming across.
After reading your post, though, I think you have some valid points that need to be addressed if you're going to get your relationship back to a healthy place.
Have you considered counseling? Whether it's a marriage counselor or a pastor; anyone who can provide a listening ear and unbiased 3rd party input could be helpful to your situation. DH and I went to counseling together several years ago and it made a tremendous difference in how we interacted. We had developed bad habits in how we spoke to one another and it was impossible for us to see clearly enough to correct the problems. The counselor was able to point out some issues and give us specific guidelines for turning things around.
I hope that you will pursue some type of resolution to your issues. Find a time when you and your DH are calm and rested and tell him that you would like to consider talking to someone together. You may also benefit from individual counseling but I think starting out together is the best tactic.
Please also check back and let us know how things are going! We'd like to get to know you!
RoseAnn
Welcome to the board, Josie, although I'm sorry we're meeting you under these circumstances.
Reading your post made me very sad. And this is one time I have to disagree with RoseAnn: please, please find yourself a counselor immediately! Your husband belittles you and/or speaks to you in a nasty tone in public, on a regular basis? That is verbal abuse. He makes you feel that nothing you do is good enough? And tells you that he would treat you the way a man should treat his wife if you lost weight? That is emotional abuse. I believe that individual counseling could help you find the strength to make some tough decisions, or at least to stand up for yourself in this relationship.
I agree that, if you both want to save your marriage, couples counseling will be necessary. But it feels to me like over the ten years of your marriage, you have become your husband's doormat. I think developing inner strength first will allow you to be a true partner in the couples counseling
I think we agree more than you think, Carol. ;) You just had the guts and personal experience to articulate what needs to happen in a much more direct way.
Thank you!
RoseAnn
Welcome to the board.
I have to agree with the others even tho I'm not pro-counselling. We have to ultimately do the work in our r/ships and the only thing counsellors can do is help/expediate the process. But in your case, I think you have some self esteem issues and things that are going to impede your progress. I am only guessing on that by your reaction to your DH. If my DH snapped at me while flirting to another woman, I would have immediately walked out of the store. I probably would have drove off and left him there w/o a ride. I *have* snapped at my DH in public a couple times in our 7.5 yrs (due to my own stress) and he did immediately walk away. He also told me that it was completely unacceptable behaviour and he would not tolerate it. I stopped. You have many issues that you have to deal with here and that is the smallest one.
I hope you stay happy in your marriage and your DH wakes up! :)
Dee
Welcome to the board Josie,
Have to say I agree with the others,
Suggest you do try to find some kind of counseling for the two of you.
He has no right to treat you that way .. in home or in public.
Is counseling something he would be willing to try ?
Am thinking he is verbally abusive to you & that's not good ::sigh::
Keep us posted & good luck hon.
BTW .. glad you did share with us & hope we see you here again :)
I think every women has "their limit" on what they would put up with.
Yes, this post makes me feel so sad for you to be treated like that by the one who is supposed to love and protect you.
I cannot speak from experiece because my husband has never done this, but I will say that I wonder how he would react to your even attempting to talk to him about what is hurting you.
Hopefully your husband would agree to go for counseling but many men will not, they think all the problems are with the wife.
Sounds like you may have a very unhappy life ahead of you if u stay with him, because many men just will not change their actions. Good thoughts are being sent your way!