Sorry i have been MIA

Avatar for jonathansmomy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sorry i have been MIA
10
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:34pm
my husband is TDY at west point. so DS and i are out enjoying ourselves. i may not be on much anymore i told my husband that we should go our separate ways. so i may be in Houston, where computer time is split 4 ways lol

hope everyone is doing well.

Michele
  jnathansmommyss.png picture by hecallsmeprincess2

Avatar for cl_daisy526
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:40am
Girl... are you saying what I think you're saying? It sounds like you and your husband are seperating for good. I know things are rough with him being gone a lot, but I hope that things can be repaired and that you will be happy again.

If there's anything we can do, if you need to talk, etc... please let us know. I am sorry if I got the wrong impression but i just wanted to make sure. I hope things go well for you and that you can let us know what's happening asap.

All my love, Daisy

BabyFoot.jpg picture by cl-daisy526

Avatar for jonathansmomy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 12:27pm
This is what i posted on the Military wives board.

it has absolutely nothing to do with him being gone. i honestly enjoy a break every now and then.

DH is TDY at west point, DS and i have been outside enjoying the weather. things have been really hectic lately and im down to my last straw. I told DH that we should go our separate ways. We have been together 6 years, and married almost 5. I have been really depressed more than ever lately and i just feel enough is enough. He pays no attention to us what so ever. The last time hes said i love you to me and vice versa was probably the day our son was born, in 2000. He said since hes been "tdy" hes been tellin me i love u when we hang up the phone, but i told him its too late for that. and hes like its never too late. I am no longer happy and feel as if i dont love him anymore atleast not the way i used to. Hes not even listening to that!!!! He is verbally abusive to me, puts me down everytime we argue. anyway i guess this should have gone under the vent section i just needed to let that out. He is calling me later to speak since he was leaving to go fly (which i realized i should have waited to tell him that til he was done.)

How do i go about separation? does it need to be legal or not really matter?

Thanks Michele

since i told him i want to split. hes been super nice, talking about all the things we can do when he gets back to spend more time together. and he bought jonathan some presents. i never wanted a divorce, just time apart to see if he matures.

  jnathansmommyss.png picture by hecallsmeprincess2

Avatar for jonathansmomy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 12:31pm
forgot to add, the time that he does have to spend with us he spends sitting on the computer playing games and i mean ALL DAY! he walks n the door from work and he goes straight to the computer. he comes downstairs for dinner, and back to the computer. alot of times on the weekends he'll b up til 2am then come n bed waking me up.. ughhhhh he just has his priorities all screwed up.
  jnathansmommyss.png picture by hecallsmeprincess2

Avatar for cl_daisy526
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 1:00pm
Well Sweetie, I'm sorry to say that I won't be much help to you. I have no idea about seperations. But i do know that legal seperation is so that you cannot be held responsible for his debts, etc. even though you're still married.

Maybe now that he sees you are serious, he'll do better. Also, have you tried going to a counselor? I know that young marriages are very difficult, i remember... but it's also good to get outside help sometimes too. We did about 10 years into our marriage.

Hopefully when he does get home the two of you can talk seriously and you can tell him everything that is bothering you and he'll do better. He may have some things that is bothering him too... so it may be good for both of you. I do know that you'll both consider your baby boy in all this too. I just hope things work out and that you all can be happy again.

Take care, sweetie...

*** Daisy ***

BabyFoot.jpg picture by cl-daisy526

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2002
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 1:00pm
Girl, we need to talk. Please email me @ June671@aol.com I am going through the same thing with my DH. It's time to move on, but I am scared to make a move. If you are looking for a venting partner, you got it.

Tracy

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Avatar for jonathansmomy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:56am
Yes we talk about things we both want each other to change after we have a big argument or when things start going downhill. things go good for a few days then right back to normal. its not like i havent given things a chance we've been married 5 years. i think that i have been very reasonable in allowing him time to change. Hes home and we havent talked about anything yet. but he has hooked up speakers the the stereo in our bedroom (that i asked him to do 1 and 1/2 years ago LOL. he hasnt been spending much time on the computer and has actually been coming to dinner right when i call him. things have been pretty awkward since he came home he leaves again on the 17th for 7 days. and again on the 30th for 2 weeks. so if things arent great over that time i understand, since we're not going to be around each other. so i'll wait til after he is home for a little bit to decide if i still feel the same
  jnathansmommyss.png picture by hecallsmeprincess2

Avatar for jonathansmomy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 9:42am
ok well...nevermind. we are getting a divorce. he told me this morning around 3am that hes been making plans since monday ?? i am so pissed/hurt right now. He told me this after we had sex. i felt so dirty i took a shower after he told me this. i feel so used like trash, i just keep crying yeah in some way i wanted it but i was going to give it another shot.

hes going to a party today which "we" were going to together. he asked me if i want him tomove out until i go home. i thought if hed stay we could talk more

  jnathansmommyss.png picture by hecallsmeprincess2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2002
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 9:47am
I'm so sorry for all you are going through. What a rat to have sex with you, then drop the bomb. As I have said, I am going through similar stuff at home. Hopefully you have also been making some plans, or at least have a plan in your mind, as to where to go from here.

Again, feel free to email at any time. I'd welcome a venting partner- June671@aol.com

Tracy

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Avatar for cl_daisy526
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 4:51pm
Oh my word... what a nasty thing to do! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it's even worse that you're away from your family who could have been there to support you. I am proud of you though for at least attempting to give it another chance. It's his loss... and i'm sure one day he'll see it. I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers and be sure to let us know what is going on.

Love, Daisy

BabyFoot.jpg picture by cl-daisy526

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:07am
My heart sank when I read your post. I went through a divorce several years ago. It was one of the most painful times of my life even though I knew in my heart it was the best for both of us. My ex was very forgetfull - he would forget things like where he lived and that he was married. We just did not compliment each other at all. Much too oposite.

Fortunately shortly after my divorce I met my soul mate and we will be married 22 years this July. I can honestly say my divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me even with all the pain it brought at the time.

I am sending you positive thoughts and white light to surround you and your son. Take care of your self and just know that once the initial shock and pain wear off things can and will be better.

Sandy

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