Anxiety big time!
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|Wed, 01-13-2010 - 10:58am|
I have not experienced this intensity of anxiety for some time now. But it has me a total mess this morning. I am shaking and feeling like no matter what happens I will not make it, or make the right choices. Like I said in my update, there are things that need work in my relationship. For those who know me, or remember, I talked about certain things in my relationship before that I was not happy with. Now that we are stuck in a prison basically, our residence that we have a room in, things are getting worse between us. We are talking about the issues, but I am scared. I have no clue what to do. I am going to be going to my DD's in a couple weeks and I will be there for 2-3 weeks, so I know that will give me time to think. I also think in some ways it will cause additional anxiety. I will be away from my dogs too. I am so concerned about my 14 yr old dog because she has such severe seperation anxiety from me. But Billy seeems to think I should leave her here with him and her little sister dog. I am confused what to do about that. Maybe he is right.
I wanted to take some online courses that my old college holds for the drug counselor certificate. Well due to my new address, I am out of county and my financial aid is limited. I do not have enough to cover my books and I do not have a penny to put towards them. I was told the AA degree part of the program was a state wide program, but the certificate was not. When it is a state wide program you can get "in county" rates. So maybe I can change my program to the AA degree and only take the certificate courses, then change to certificate after I am done. Then I decided to take the online courses because I thought that was what it meant. Then someone at the college told me you have to come to the college to take some tests. I am afraid if I am out of state with my DD and helping her with her baby, I will need to be here too to take tests. That is too much for me to deal with. I do not have the money to keep going back and forth, and right now my DD is and my grandson is most important to me. I was going to take out student loan money to help with my financial problems to help get me through for a few months, but now that is impossible if I cannot take these courses. No matter what I try to do to help things, they are never turning out. How in the hell am I supposed to be positive when I keep hitting brick walls??? I am so overwhelemed and exahausted.
Basically, I feel like giving up.