Anxiety big time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Anxiety big time!
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 10:58am

I have not experienced this intensity of anxiety for some time now. But it has me a total mess this morning. I am shaking and feeling like no matter what happens I will not make it, or make the right choices. Like I said in my update, there are things that need work in my relationship. For those who know me, or remember, I talked about certain things in my relationship before that I was not happy with. Now that we are stuck in a prison basically, our residence that we have a room in, things are getting worse between us. We are talking about the issues, but I am scared. I have no clue what to do. I am going to be going to my DD's in a couple weeks and I will be there for 2-3 weeks, so I know that will give me time to think. I also think in some ways it will cause additional anxiety. I will be away from my dogs too. I am so concerned about my 14 yr old dog because she has such severe seperation anxiety from me. But Billy seeems to think I should leave her here with him and her little sister dog. I am confused what to do about that. Maybe he is right.

I wanted to take some online courses that my old college holds for the drug counselor certificate. Well due to my new address, I am out of county and my financial aid is limited. I do not have enough to cover my books and I do not have a penny to put towards them. I was told the AA degree part of the program was a state wide program, but the certificate was not. When it is a state wide program you can get "in county" rates. So maybe I can change my program to the AA degree and only take the certificate courses, then change to certificate after I am done. Then I decided to take the online courses because I thought that was what it meant. Then someone at the college told me you have to come to the college to take some tests. I am afraid if I am out of state with my DD and helping her with her baby, I will need to be here too to take tests. That is too much for me to deal with. I do not have the money to keep going back and forth, and right now my DD is and my grandson is most important to me. I was going to take out student loan money to help with my financial problems to help get me through for a few months, but now that is impossible if I cannot take these courses. No matter what I try to do to help things, they are never turning out. How in the hell am I supposed to be positive when I keep hitting brick walls??? I am so overwhelemed and exahausted.

Basically, I feel like giving up.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 2:26pm

Hey need them!

First off, breathe...i know that sounds silly, but you know deep breathing exercises help when you can make yourself do them.

You're under so much pressure right for you and Billy, maybe this break with you going to see Jayme and your dgs will be just the break you need...put school and relationship problems to the side for now, and go enjoy time with your girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 5:02pm

Hey Keli,

It is crazy what anxiety can put you through...geesh!!!

After calming myself down some, I called the college and spoke with a man that helped me get everything straight. He changed my program to get my certificate, but the one that is listed as a state wide program. I will achieve the same goal. Now I have money for my books. I will pick them up tomorrow. Too worn out today to drive that distance. I also spoke with the financial aid office and they made everything ok for me to take out a student loan. This has made me feel so much better, but this morning everything seem like the realm of doom.

I will wait to see when is the best time for me to drive to VA to visit my dd....but Feb. 4 is the latest I will wait to go visit with her. The man at the college also told me to let my online professor know I will be out of town for a couple weeks or so and there should be no problem with the professor working with me, IF they would schedule any meetings on campus.

Billy and I have talked in depth about my feelings and after I come back from helping Jayme and spending time with her and my grandson, he and I will be going to couples counseling. We have never done that, so this will be the last attempt to see if we can make healthy changes that will meet both our needs. If the therapy does not work, then I asked him to please let us part in peace.

So my anxiety is still here, but not as bad as it was this morning.

Love you Keli and thanks for responding.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 12:54pm

I was glad to read further down and see that you've been able to work through some of the stressors and get your schooling back on track.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 12:56pm


First off--Congratulations, Grandma--I know you'll be a great one!

I'm so sorry all this STUFF is hitting at a time when you should be able to kick back, relax & enjoy that coming baby.