doing better overall...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
doing better overall...
1
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 12:15am

Hey! I'm not really new to the board, but I do post something every once in a while. I've been doing better these past couple of days, but the end of last week was EXTREMELY hard and I thought that I heading for a breakdown on Thursday. Thank God that I called my program's warmline and talked about what was bothering me. I'll try to make this brief: it's been three years since I was hospitalized and I've done very well for myself since then, communicating more with people, attending therapy, and going to school part-time. My brother is homeless at the moment and I really feel that he knows which buttons to push, b/c I was homeless for about 3 months after coming to New York City to pursue acting, but when I think back, I believe that I was manic. After all, I just packed up and left Illinois with no clear plan of what I was going to do. I felt invincible and that I didn't need my meds; I ended up at a shelter for young adults and was there for those three months before moving into a residence. So my brother was giving me a hard time last week about how I take from the government and have everything handed to me (I'm on SSI and receive food stamps), but even though he is diagnosed as bipolar, his situation is in no way compared to mine. Believe me, I want to get better and not be on benefits forever...it sucks being 27 and seeing people your age that have jobs, are engaged/married, and not waking up everyday to deal with a lifelong illness. On top of my brother's comments, his fiance (well, ex-fiance as of today) was making me feel horrible by saying that "you're nearly 30 and have people taking care of you". I try my best to care for myself and even though I receive help, it's temporary. I live in an SRO, take my own meds, do my own laundry, cook my own meals, and pay my bills. I was upset because his comments put me back in a place that I didn't want to be. Everyone that I've talked to (parents, friends, counselor) says that it's ignorance on his part and that I'm doing what I need to stay stable. I see their point but those insults were very hurtful. I know that I've rambled on and on, but I just needed to put my feelings out there.

~Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 12:42pm

Hi Melissa,


You are so doing what you need to do to stay stable.