Friend not being honest re mental state

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Friend not being honest re mental state
2
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 12:08am
I was dating this guy for about 8 months and I noticed that he was experiencing serious mood swings. He could be happy next minute he was annoyed. A few months after he said that he could no longer date because i didn't make him happy. We decided to be friends but we have different definition of what friendship is. If he calls me and I miss call too bad, when I return call he will not pick up because I shouldve picked up in the first place. He wants to hang out only when he wants to. Just recently he said that he doesn't feel good when he is around me. I have always protected myself emotionally around him and refuse to let my guards down. He never admitted that he is bipolar but suffers from anxiety and does get depressed. He is on paxil and seroquel. So he might be bipolar. I've always accepted people for what they have and who they are and consider myself a great friend but I am about to give up on our friendship cuz it's suppose to be 2 ways. It's like he is manipulative and says he can't concentrate. When I text him he rarely responds but expects u to text him when he texts u first. I am very friendly and can lighten up a room with my personality but he doesn't see that while 99.9% of the people love my personality he says when he talks to me I sound down to him. I am rarely down I joke so much people have a hard time taking me serious. I wanna know if some bipolars feel like that, one min they luv someone the next min they can't stand them. Any advice I gladly appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 8:43am

If your friend is bipolar or depressed and his meds are not working, he will not see your wonderful personality because when people are in this state they are clouded within their own hell. Do not take it personal. But, if he is not respecting you, then maybe you can talk to him about your concerns. Let him know you care and want to stay friends but you feel he needs to talk to his doc about maybe getting his meds reviewed. Try not to be demanding or pushy when you ask him to talk to his doc. He seems like a sensitive person, but it is important that you let him know his behavior concerns you and you are talking to him because you care.

Now, if he does not want to change and he does not want to respect you, then it is fine to walk away from this friendship. Just because someone has an illness does not give them a free pass to disrespect you. But, it is nice to talk to the person first to see if they will acknowledge their behavior, that he may not even realize is this bad, so he can take steps to change. Let him know you want to stay friends, but only if he gets help for himself to work on his feelings of anger and behavior.

Good Luck and I know this will not be easy to do.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 5:58pm
Thanks for your advice. He has been taking his medication but at times he says it makes him tired with no energy. Like I said I am very sociable I make people comfortable and I notice that it annoys him when people feel good around me. He had the nerve to say that he doesn't feel good around me. Sometimes he won't call or text me for a while and then act like nothing when he calls. I notice that at times he gets hyper religious and has said that he sees and talks to angels and says he has gifts and one of them is to cure people. I have been there thru good and bad. He wasn't working for a few years and he just started working now I hardly exist. I helped him with alot even helped with his bills and took him out so he won't be stuck at home. Now he won't even call me for pizza and says I make him feel down. Maybe it's better if I let him be. My family friends and god know that I have been a heck of a good friend and he doesn't see it. While so many people like to be around me he doesn't. Even his family is grateful. I guess it's time to move on.