I'm not going to make it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
I'm not going to make it!
5
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 5:23pm

I hate it up here so much.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:10pm

Jodie,

I started to cry when I read your post because I feel exactly the way you do. I swear, I feel like I wrote what you said about your dh not understanding and thinking you are just whining. Except my man doesn't think everything is fine. He tries to compete with who feels the worst, him or me. I have little support from him.

I am miserable where we live too. I only live 2 hours from where I am from and I hate not living there anymore. I miss how things were 15 years ago in my life. I cannot believe I am actually saying that because at that time I felt like things were so bad. But they got so much worse, especially after my mom died. I am very very lonely too. I hate that I have no one to call when I want to talk about life, what my day was like, or to relieve some stress by venting. I hate that I have no friends to go out with and laugh and have a drink or go to the movies.

I have no in-laws to get along with or not get along with. My sister and my niece are such a mess that I barely talk with them. I have my daughter, but she is my daughter and she lives in Virginia Beach. I hate my life too. I sometimes wonder why I fight so hard and just don't end my life, but the main reason I do not end my life is my daughter. She already had a parent that committed suicide. So I do not have that option. But I am worn out....totally. I do not know how much more I can continue to fight, to go to school, or to care. Part of me just wants to lay in bed and do nothing. Be nothing, because no matter how hard I try, I keep hearing I need to do more. I cannot do more. I want to, but I have no energy to do more.

Now, to answer your question. You could move out on your own, but where would you go? Can you move in with your family or back near them? Moving cost so much, especially at that distance. I feel so bad for you, Jodie, because I truly do get what you are feeling. I am so sorry you are dealing with this emotional hell, because that is what it is. I am there too. Oh, BTW, it was also my BIG idea for Billy to ask this guy we live with now if we could move in because I thought he was totally different. But now that we are STUCK here, I learned he is a huge butt head and has big problems. It is nothing but stress living here. I am thinking of renting a room on my own if we cannot be out of her by August, which I know we will not be out of here, so I better start looking for a room soon. Maybe even see if any of my distant relatives can help. I doubt it, but who knows.

Hugs sweetie, and I am sorry you are in the same boat as me, basically. I wish I could wave a wand and make our lives so much happier and peaceful. I also wish I had better answers to give you.

Oh, and why is it that us women always seem to be expected to put up with all the crap while the men do what they want in life?? I guess it does not have to be that way, but sometimes women do not have the money to go out on their own and make a different choice.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 8:14pm

{{{{{{{{{{{Tina and Jodie}}}}}}}}}}


Sorry I can't offer more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:43pm
I know what you mean.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 6:35am

I know deep down God is not punishing me, but I do feel that way sometimes. I wonder, what did I do to deserve all this mental anguish and physical pain. I want me mom back, who was also my best friend, like your mom was to you. It has been 25 years since my dad died, but I miss being daddy's little girl. I know he would help me out too, if he was still alive.

All I can say, Jodie, is we have our kids that love us and we need to stick around for them. So, we have to hang in there the best we can. I just wanted you to know you are not alone, but I am sorry that does not help you feel much better. Having someone who understand helps, but it does not fix the problems. At least we have the board and people here to vent to and who do care. I wish all the members who are caring lived near us, that way we could have some friends. I wonder why it is so hard for adults to make friends. I have tried, but people like me for awhile, then pull away. I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I have too many problems, even though I do not talk about them all the time to the people I try to make friends with. Who knows the answer? Not me.

Hang in there, Jodie!!!

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 11:34am

That is exactly what happens to me.

Jodie