Need advice and help Fast - Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2002
Need advice and help Fast - Please
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 8:07pm

I also posted this on the Families w/ Mental Illness board


It would be pointless to try and summarize the years of dysfunction in my family from childhood until today - as that's what it is - years. Briefly - my mother is bipolar. She was diagnosed about 6 years ago and is on meds yet still has a hard time. She can't work and I believe she's also anorexic and she also can't handle large crowds of people. She also just got out of an outpatient crisis center a couple of weeks ago. Her 2nd husband was abusive to us all - to my brother and her verbally and emotionally and to me sexually. My brother is 6 years younger than I. I married at 16 and escaped the situation. A couple of years later she finally divorced him. I suspect soon thereafter is when she started having her bipolar episodes.

Fast forward a couple of years ago. My mom calls me every so often to tell me my brother is having manic episodes. This usually happens after he has come to her house with his relationship problems and he cries to her about it. There have also been times where she has told some pretty strange things that he's said. I have asked him afterwards about these things and he tells me one thing that leads to that my mom has just exaggerated everything. Yes, he gets upset about things - we all do, but just because you are upset and crying and you may even be depressed about how things are going doesn't mean you're bipolar. The problem is is that I'm 1 1/2 hours away so I'm not there to see what really happens or what he really is like.

Fast forward to Sunday. My mom calls and is saying things are really bad with my brother. This is everything she told me that he said -- She's saying that he came over to her place and was very upset crying uncontrollably. He says that bad things are always happening to him and it's not fair because he's a good person. He says that people have been following him and they've also tapped his phone. He says he's been going home from work by different routes so as not to be followed. He says he's prepared for someone if the attack him and will stab them in the leg with his key. He said he thinks it is this girls ex-fiance who found out they were hanging out together

 BabyFruit Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 7:46am

First, I would like to apologize that I and no one else responded to you before this.

This is a lot of information and a little confusing. I cannot say if your brother is having mental health problems or not. I know no more then you do. If I were you, I would try and visit your brother a couple times a week and call a few times to just talk and you can see for yourself if he is unstable. I realize he is 1 1/2 hours, but that is not too far to check on him if you need to know what is happening with him.

IF he is having this severe of problems, then he needs treatment and his families support, if you or anyone is able to assist him. He can be admitted if he is of danger to himself or others, but you have to go through the court system to prove this to a judge and then the judge will order the police to pick him up and take him to a psych hospital.

It sounds like you and your family have been through a lot growing up, which can cause stress and influence mental health disorders. I cannot diagnose anyone here because I am not a doctor.

I hope you are able to find out about your brothers status and everything turns out to be ok.

Again, I am so sorry it took me so long to answer you. I have been dealing with some stressful issues lately and overloaded with college work this week.


     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2002
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 10:42am

Hello, Thank you for your response. Yes, it is very confusing - that's my life. The long story short (which I posted on the Families with Mental Illness board) is that my mom was exaggerating everything greatly. She ended up getting a court order to have my brother picked up and evaluated. I go up there to go to the sheriff's office with my brother to see what needs to be done and she had changed her mind and recalled it but didn't bother to tell us.

Now my brother is so mad and upset at her that he wants me to tell her that she's to never speak to him again or his kid and he wants me to go and get anything that is his from her place. I'm afraid for her state of mind and that's she's liable to hurt herself or worse. I'm at a loss as what to do and just don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm exhausted.

I can understand where she's coming from and she thought she was doing the best thing, but she wasn't. I can understand my brother just being done with her too. I feel I'm stuck in the middle trying to pick up the pieces.

I'll probably just post over at the other board as it's hard for me to repeat my story. Of course I'll respond to you here though.

Thank you again for your response, April

 BabyFruit Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 4:08pm